Ex messing with me by joining Facebook event I'm going to?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hey guys,

So I'm feeling a lot better about the breakup recently and haven't been in touch with my ex in over 3 weeks, but I feel like she may be trying to mess with me. A friend invited me to a public event on Facebook and I joined the event. I'm FB friends with my ex but I have unfollowed her so I don't see any of her activity besides if she "likes" my stuff or something like that. She "liked" that I joined the event and then joined it herself (at the same time even, the time stamps for both were the same). The event is something that she would like but it's in a different state from where she lives and my only other FB friends who joined are those in the same friend group as the friend who invited me... .

While I've been feeling better and feel like I'm getting close to being 100% over her I'm still nervous about how I will feel if I see her at the event (probably with her new boyfriend). I could talk to her or just do my best to try to avoid her.

I'm pretty sure there are still some triggers that cause me to feel anxiety. For instance, I didn't really feel much when I saw that she had liked that I joined the event, but when I later looked at the event page and saw that she was going I had a kind of wave of anxiety come over me that soon subsided.

Anyway, I just wanted to see what you guys think about this and if she is just trying to mess with me or what.

[cleverusername]

Hey guys,

So I'm feeling a lot better about the breakup recently and haven't been in touch with my ex in over 3 weeks, but I feel like she may be trying to mess with me. A friend invited me to a public event on Facebook and I joined the event. I'm FB friends with my ex but I have unfollowed her so I don't see any of her activity besides if she "likes" my stuff or something like that. She "liked" that I joined the event and then joined it herself (at the same time even, the time stamps for both were the same). The event is something that she would like but it's in a different state from where she lives and my only other FB friends who joined are those in the same friend group as the friend who invited me... .

While I've been feeling better and feel like I'm getting close to being 100% over her I'm still nervous about how I will feel if I see her at the event (probably with her new boyfriend). I could talk to her or just do my best to try to avoid her.

I'm pretty sure there are still some triggers that cause me to feel anxiety. For instance, I didn't really feel much when I saw that she had liked that I joined the event, but when I later looked at the event page and saw that she was going I had a kind of wave of anxiety come over me that soon subsided.

Anyway, I just wanted to see what you guys think about this and if she is just trying to mess with me or what.

[OutOfEgypt]

I really cannot say what her intentions are.  However, what I can say is that the sooner you give up wondering what she's doing and why she's doing it and focus on your own life the better off you will be.  Who really cares why?  It doesn't matter in the end.  What matters is what you are doing and where you are going in your life.

[freedom33]

I know how social media can exacerbate ruminations. After I asked nc from my ex she started communicating me through all sorts of social media first by whatsapp - blocked her etc etc. I eventually had to block her from everything. Best thing I have done. The bonus? I feel much better now and the ruminations about her are gone. Now I just have my own sht to take care off as I am still pretty lost. Take care of yourself bro, don't go to the event, try not to think about her and make it easy on yourself - unfriend her from Fb. Good luck.

[Aussie0zborn]

You can do it the easy way or you can do it the hard way, it's your choice... .

The first thing to take on board as you can see by the thousands of posts here is that "No Contact" is the only way to protect yourself so that you can start healing and move on. And "no contact" means exactly that... .no contact.

Staying connected via Facebook is not going to help you. You failed to block here so the best thing you can do for yourself now is not go to the event rather than worrying about it. There will be many more events you can go to.

My Great Uncle Bob used to say, "patch up the leaky holes in your boat before you venture out to sea" and you haven't done that yet - it's a bit like heading blindly into shark infested waters. Think about blocking her on FB and find something more interesting to do on the day of the event. I would suggest you won't regret it. Good luck.

[Bak86]

Why do you even have her as a friend on fb? Cut her loose

[cleverusername]

I guess I should have been more clear about some things in my initial post, haha. Initially after the breakup she unfriended me on FB and we remained that way for a couple weeks before she friended me again. I have no desire to see her posts at the moment so I unfollowed her, but wanted to remain FB friends because we did agree that we would try to be friends, we parted ways amicably enough, and I really do care about her as a person. I'm feeling pretty good about things right now and do not want to get back together with her, but I feel like blocking/unfriending her now would hurt the chances of remaining friends (or I'd at least have to break NC in order to explain why I unfriended her, which I'd rather not do). To be clear I do plan on speaking to her again eventually, just not until I'm 100% sure I have zero romantic feelings for her and can build a friendship.

Her liking that I'm going to an event and joining herself just has me curious. For some reason BPD behavior kind of fascinates me, and makes me wonder if she's playing games or is just being friendly. It doesn't really matter either way, I was just looking to see what you guys thought.

As for you guys saying that I should skip the event... .I've already told friends I would go and also invited more friends, so I'm kind of obligated. Plus I've been looking forward to it and I don't feel like my ex should have the power to cause me to change my plans. There should be around 1,000 people there so seeing her is not a guarantee at all, plus I don't think it will bother me all that much besides maybe an initial pang upon first seeing her (and probably my replacement). After that I think I'll just feel bad for the poor guy.

[enlighten me]

I have to deal with my exgf all the time and we are friends on FB still. I hate it as her posts irritate me or depress me and if she likes anything I do I start questioning her reasoning.

Just go to the event and enjoy yourself with your friends. If she turns up with your replacement so what.

Knowing what you know you can smile at him and say hello knowing full well that in the not so distant future he will be where you are now.

[cleverusername]

You should probably unfollow her on FB if her posts irritate or depress you. That's what I did so we're technically still FB friends but I don't have to deal with seeing that kind of stuff.

Yeah, I'm going to go to the event for sure, I just hope that if I see her it doesn't trigger any kind of reaction on my part. I know that any reaction would be internal, it would just be keeping a straight face and not looking upset that could be difficult haha.

And yep, I'll definitely feel bad for the poor guy. If they're still together he just has no idea what he's in for and I'll probably feel the urge to warn him, haha.