Need Advice Getting Belongings Back

[Depression = 72% of members]

Dear All,

Need some advice... .

My Daughter gave my exBPDgf her christmas angel she made when she was 3 1/2 years old as she thought we would all be together for xmas.

This Angel is massively important... .exBPDgf has other stuff of mine (undies... .jersey which I noticed two week ago she was wearing?). I don't care about the other things including a 20K engagement ring... its hers I gave it to her. but how the hell do I get the angel back?

I have emailed, called left messages, texted but no response and have been doing this for two weeks.

have asked her to just leave it in her mail box and I will collect but nothing?

What game is she playing?

[Flora73]

Dear All,

Need some advice... .

My Daughter gave my exBPDgf her christmas angel she made when she was 3 1/2 years old as she thought we would all be together for xmas.

This Angel is massively important... .exBPDgf has other stuff of mine (undies... .jersey which I noticed two week ago she was wearing?). I don't care about the other things including a 20K engagement ring... its hers I gave it to her. but how the hell do I get the angel back?

I have emailed, called left messages, texted but no response and have been doing this for two weeks.

have asked her to just leave it in her mail box and I will collect but nothing?

What game is she playing?

[freedom33]

Well by now you know that BPDs are playing all these games to be in a position of power and control. Now that she knows the angel is important for you what do you think she will do about it? Think about it in the context of what you are trying to do with getting this Angel back. She will make you suffer for it and you will not get it back. Forget about it. Write it off. Paradoxically there are more chances getting it back the Angel back by writing it off.

The biggest gift you can do to your daughter is to be a present and happy dad and give her a lot of love, not being worried and absent minded ruminating about your ex and an inanimate object.

[Flora73]

Thank you Freedom,

Don't worry about whether Im a loving farther... .I'm 100% that.

Just lame fricking BPD at its best... .

[crookedeuphoria]

That sucks. But I agree. The angel probably isn't coming back. Not sure how old your daughter is now, but maybe you and she can make a new angel together?

[Flora73]

She's 8 years old... .

it was our prized possession from her child hood.

She probably threw it in the rubbish... .

[tim_tom]

I'm so sorry man, unbelievable...

As a single father of 7 and 10 yr old girls, what my kids have went through with this is enough to make me not want to date again

[Flora73]

I know Tim Tom... .

The last night we were all together my exBPDgf ignored my daughter all night.

My little girl idolised her, loved her and couldn't understand.

I didn't pick up on it until my little girl started to hate herself... .

F me... .not good... .

No I don't want a partner again.

My little girl is to important to me.

So sad... .

[Pingo]

Flora73, I'm so sorry you and your daughter are going through this. I can somewhat relate.  I mentioned in another thread today that I have been trying to get back some of my items as well from my ex.  Some are expensive to replace and I am not in a very good place financially but one thing was my grandfather's and it was dear to me.  I have emailed asking for my stuff back but got no response.  I found some of his personal items he forgot (some old pictures and mementos).  I emailed asking for an exchange of stuff.  No response.  So I have decided to let the items go.  This past weekend I went out and replaced some of the things that are replaceable.  It was my way of signifying that I am letting the stuff and the r/s go and moving on.   I am angry and sad but giving him this control over my mental health is not worth it.  It is sickening that they will use these things to punish us.  And to use something that was dear to your daughter is even more sickening.  They just have no capacity for empathy.  It's like dealing with a bratty little toddler.  I have no advice on how to help your daughter through this though.  I have a s10 who is having a hard time with our BU and I'm at a loss most of the time how to explain to him why things were so crazy and ended so crazy. 

[Aussie0zborn]

You might have to resign yourself to the fact  that you will never get that stuff back. The game she is playing is called "punishment". Punishment with a capital "P". If you look at it through the eyes of a pwBPD you "deserve it" and you're not going to change that opinion while you're split black.

I was in the same position. Luckily I was able to just go out and buy replacements as there was nothing there that was unique.

Unfortunately, you need to cut your losses and move on so as to not give her the control she presently has. Isn't it a shame these people don't have an ounce of decency, especially when it comes to children? But then we know about their lack of empathy, don't we? I'm sorry your daughter has to go through this. Good luck.

[Flora73]

Ok... .

So I managed to get it back!

The reprimand for my actions was a trespass notice and a visit to the police station... .

Strangely it was for me going to her house with flowers to try and understand what happened when we broke up nearly 4 months ago... .

Crikey... .Be very careful BPD play a low game!

Please learn from what happened to me and please lick your wounds and move on!