why bother?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I am feeling so broken right now. I have be broken up with my ex for over 4 months and NC over 2 months. He would regularly (every three weeks or less) reach out through others but I have not seen him in 4 and a half months. I quit my job because I would hear of his life through my co-workers. On my last week I got a call from him from an work number-(he is blocked) he said that he heard I was leaving and wanted to ask why and that he had been dreaming of me for the last 4 nights and that he missed me and want to see me if I would let him. I stood my ground and said it would be hurtful to me and I just couldn't do it. I asked him if he wanted to hurt me? he said no and he understood. He was nice. He actually said thank you for not hanging up. Then the next day I heard he called my workplace the day before he called me and couldnt stop talking about how happy he was with his new love and how they get along great/never happier ... .sigh. Then to boot he is now in vegas for his birthday with her which is where I took him last year for his birthday-

this really hurt me that he went though all the trouble to give me the phone call validating me in a way saying he missed me ect the day before he is leaving on a trip with his new girlfriend. Im just really sad. I was doing much better.

it is hard but I was plugging along. I was so proud of myself that I didnt agree to see him even though I let him talk to me. I just needed a place to vent. no one else can possibly understand how painful this is for me. What if I said ok lets meet? He would have blown ME off! I am just disgusted! with him, with letting him talk to me, with me now feeling so hurt all over again. Thinking about what he is doing there and how he can relive our vacation and not think of me again! Around and around I go. I am more determined then ever to not let him near me again. I quit my damn job and blocked his number and cut off his family who I was close to. I work everyday on myself and BAM... .one conversation

Hello my name is Honeysuckle and I am an addict... .

[honeysuckle]

I am feeling so broken right now. I have be broken up with my ex for over 4 months and NC over 2 months. He would regularly (every three weeks or less) reach out through others but I have not seen him in 4 and a half months. I quit my job because I would hear of his life through my co-workers. On my last week I got a call from him from an work number-(he is blocked) he said that he heard I was leaving and wanted to ask why and that he had been dreaming of me for the last 4 nights and that he missed me and want to see me if I would let him. I stood my ground and said it would be hurtful to me and I just couldn't do it. I asked him if he wanted to hurt me? he said no and he understood. He was nice. He actually said thank you for not hanging up. Then the next day I heard he called my workplace the day before he called me and couldnt stop talking about how happy he was with his new love and how they get along great/never happier ... .sigh. Then to boot he is now in vegas for his birthday with her which is where I took him last year for his birthday-

this really hurt me that he went though all the trouble to give me the phone call validating me in a way saying he missed me ect the day before he is leaving on a trip with his new girlfriend. Im just really sad. I was doing much better.

it is hard but I was plugging along. I was so proud of myself that I didnt agree to see him even though I let him talk to me. I just needed a place to vent. no one else can possibly understand how painful this is for me. What if I said ok lets meet? He would have blown ME off! I am just disgusted! with him, with letting him talk to me, with me now feeling so hurt all over again. Thinking about what he is doing there and how he can relive our vacation and not think of me again! Around and around I go. I am more determined then ever to not let him near me again. I quit my damn job and blocked his number and cut off his family who I was close to. I work everyday on myself and BAM... .one conversation

Hello my name is Honeysuckle and I am an addict... .