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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: what gives them...  (Read 992 times)
Deeno02
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1526



« on: October 05, 2014, 06:07:57 PM »

What gives them the:

Right to be immediately happy again, when im destroyed

Right to discard my love for her and her kids

Right to leave me in tears

Right to call my daughter names

Right to deny me any opportunity to say goodbye to her kids

Right to make up stuff that never happened

Right to keep me under wraps and not bring me around her friends

Right to never do anything i may want to do.

Right to demand all my time when i too have a house to run.

Right to threaten me with "treat me special or lose me"

Right to never care about my day

Right to never take care of my emotional needs as a combat veteran. Mighg have something to do with why i went quiet a few times and wanted to be alone. I did it because i didnt want to expose you and the kids to it.

Right to deny me any opportunity to help you with 5 kids and their schedules

Right to call me a liar

Right to deny my daughter your love. She loved you more than her own mother, who walked out on us. Now you have too.

Right to treat me as an inferior becsuse I dont have a fancy house, make super money or run in certain circles. I KNEW that was going to be a problem no matter what you said.

Right to keep me alone, even when i was with you.

Right to deny me affection because you were mad.

Right to deny me any contact unless it was for your needs

Right to never make me feel at home

Right to devalue me as a person.

I am a person who loved you and your five kids. Youll never know about the ring and proposal because you threw me away. Now I wander in my mind wondering what i could have done, and i own some of it i kept hidden from you in my dark times, but you never expressed an interest in my problems or thoughts.

I loved you, Ive missed you, but youve wrecked me as a human being. Im still not sure what Ive done... .
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fred6
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 808



« Reply #1 on: October 05, 2014, 06:28:04 PM »

I am a person who loved you and your kids. You'll never know about the ring and proposal because you threw me away. Now I wander in my mind wondering what i could have done, and i own some of it i kept hidden from you in my dark times, but you never expressed an interest in my problems or thoughts.

I loved you, Ive missed you, but youve wrecked me as a human being. Im still not sure what Ive done... .

X2 !
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ReluctantSurvivor
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 221



« Reply #2 on: October 05, 2014, 06:45:34 PM »

All we can do is walk away knowing that we endured so much.  We stayed committed and marched on through darkness when lesser people would have fled. It was our strength, integrity and selflessness that kept us around through such abuse.

 We can all look ourselves in the eyes and know that we did not give up.  One day, when each of us has cleaned our hearts, minds and souls of BPD poison, we can give all this good to someone that will reciprocate.

 People with BPD are deeply scarred individuals that go through life riding defense mechanisms.  The hell they shared with us is only a taste of what they all carry inside every second.  I hope that all of us, nons and pwBPD, move on to grow, heal and discover peace within ourselves.

It didn't kill you, in the end you walk away from it wiser.
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Angry obsessive thoughts about another weaken your state of mind and well being. If you must have revenge, then take it by choosing to be happy and let them go forever.
― Gary Hopkins
Deeno02
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1526



« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2014, 06:15:38 AM »

I was afraid to speak my mind to her. Afraid if I did. I would lose her. Instead I said nothing and just bit my tongue or watered down my response as not to aggitate her.
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MrConfusedWithItAll
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 320


« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2014, 06:44:08 AM »

What gives them the:

Right to be immediately happy again, when im destroyed

Right to discard my love for her and her kids

Right to leave me in tears

Right to call my daughter names

Right to deny me any opportunity to say goodbye to her kids

Right to make up stuff that never happened

Right to keep me under wraps and not bring me around her friends

Right to never do anything i may want to do.

Right to demand all my time when i too have a house to run.

Right to threaten me with "treat me special or lose me"

Right to never care about my day

Right to never take care of my emotional needs as a combat veteran. Mighg have something to do with why i went quiet a few times and wanted to be alone. I did it because i didnt want to expose you and the kids to it.

Right to deny me any opportunity to help you with 5 kids and their schedules

Right to call me a liar

Right to deny my daughter your love. She loved you more than her own mother, who walked out on us. Now you have too.

Right to treat me as an inferior becsuse I dont have a fancy house, make super money or run in certain circles. I KNEW that was going to be a problem no matter what you said.

Right to keep me alone, even when i was with you.

Right to deny me affection because you were mad.

Right to deny me any contact unless it was for your needs

Right to never make me feel at home

Right to devalue me as a person.

I am a person who loved you and your five kids. Youll never know about the ring and proposal because you threw me away. Now I wander in my mind wondering what i could have done, and i own some of it i kept hidden from you in my dark times, but you never expressed an interest in my problems or thoughts.

I loved you, Ive missed you, but youve wrecked me as a human being. Im still not sure what Ive done... .

This is very bizarre - just about everything you write here applies to my situation.  She had two kids and I got on really well with them.  Never got to say goodbye and that really hurt.  In fact the whole episode was emotionally devastating.  I have picked myself up now but still my emotions are raw sometimes.  I didn't know about BPD.  My ex is still trying to make contact - but have remained strong in NC for three weeks now.  I broke NC after five weeks.  She pleaded for the sake of her kids.  So I gave her another chance but she manipulated everything before we even met up again.  She actually said she didn't want to see me after pleading to see me.  I kept my boundaries in order - and I think she hated that.  What we have been through is quite tragic - you simply don't expect a 47 year old person to behave like a spiteful child.  I feel as if I have completely wasted a year of my life with this lady.
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Deeno02
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1526



« Reply #5 on: October 06, 2014, 07:53:43 AM »

Absolutely. A complete waste of time. She got rebuilt by me after her husband left (kind of wonder why he left now)and on to the new guy. 10 days no contact now and its hit or miss. Still emotional. Hard on this 50 year old guy
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pieceofme
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 258


« Reply #6 on: October 06, 2014, 09:05:14 AM »

What gives them the:

Right to be immediately happy again, when im destroyed

i appreciate the emotion of your post. i am struggling with this one in particular. it seems like my ex is happy, moving on and living his life without me. and that kills me, because i am still in pieces, struggling to get through each day.

  We can all look ourselves in the eyes and know that we did not give up.  One day,

in my last conversation with my ex, i told him that i hadn't and never would give up on him. he replied, "that's the difference between us. we're not the same person." thank God for that, i thought.
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Bak86
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 351



« Reply #7 on: October 06, 2014, 11:26:31 AM »

I was afraid to speak my mind to her. Afraid if I did. I would lose her. Instead I said nothing and just bit my tongue or watered down my response as not to aggitate her.

Yeah in the last couple of weeks of our relationship i simply didn't say anything that would cause a reaction or discussion. Too afraid she would make fun of me or get angry.
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tim_tom
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 449


« Reply #8 on: October 06, 2014, 04:06:03 PM »

I was afraid to speak my mind to her. Afraid if I did. I would lose her. Instead I said nothing and just bit my tongue or watered down my response as not to aggitate her.

Join the club man... , And then strongly  consider, would you really want to live your life like that?
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