Does Your EXBPD try to recontact even after years

[outside9x]

HI,

MY emotiosn go up and down, and Yes, I have block her.  Still feel pain and then relief at times.  Swing back and forth and not liking it.

Anyway, do they try to reconnect even after a long period of N/C.  

My relationship was an older one, not someone in their twenties or thirties.  Not sure is that matter and yes, she definitely a BPD, but never seen the extreme side like cutting, just the raging, punching , distancing, making stuff up, going nuts just right out of the blue and running out of cars unexpectly, new demands, and  controlling.

SHe broke up with me sevferal times, I came back, the last two though I left, and almost came back three times, but remember (duh!) the seven and though it feels good to be back, it doesn't last to long.  

After I type this I feel nuts like why am I even bothering to ask, who cares!    

[Inside]

After I type this I feel nuts like why am I even bothering to ask, who cares!   

Hey ‘Outside9’ – I’m Inside…  I did seven recycles with my uBPDxgf over a 3.5 year period.  And guess what?  After 10 solid months apart – she’s attempting contact, again ~

I was the mushy one within those recycles … until finally walking out.  That’s why I’ve not returned – it all finally added up to me and the leaving for good was my choice – not hers.

They can’t do lasting relationships – period.  The best they can do is initial romances and recycles.  Makeup sex is great …so great I gotta work to avoid the temptation…  But as far as the r/s ever recovering?  Every time we returned - it lasted a shorter period of time … just seemed like too much scar tissue.

…I think as we get older we value the time we’ve ‘invested’ a bit more … whereas younger folks can more easily write it off and get on with their lives.  And, we may consider ourselves better judges of character …and less likely to admit a mistake?  …And, there seem fewer prospects, so perhaps we’re more inclined to hang on to the one we thought we’d found… 

Maybe we’re just caring compassionate people that after having successfully cared for our children feel capable of helping someone else.  We’re willing to give – and they’re willing to take.  What a match   I mean the crazy crap I did with my BPx I never envisioned doing well into my fifties!  Yah, I’d like more.  But, it’s a price too high.  And, someone deserving ‘deserves’ me more than a terminal user…  I don’t think we’re crazy, not even by comparison… I think we’re simply good people looking to share ourselves, and unfortunately got snatched up by users, terminal users.

Allow your life to backfill with goodness unassociated with BPD, it will.  It’s like replacing a drug addition with exercise – we’ll no doubt be far better off …then stay the course

[hurting300]

From what I've read and studied, your never truly out of the woods.

[outside9x]

Thanks Inside, it's always nice to have support and wisdom.  I am in my early 60's in great health but down now, and because I saw her picture and how amazingly beautiful she looked, yes she was attempting me to come back butthen flinging all sort of stuff that wasn't true just painting me black.  Away for her to justify in her mind that's its all really my fault.  

Anyway, I did  semi contact thru text 2-3months ago, badI know, and so that's why N/C is so important, even if you miss them you need time to heal, and since you are so confused and start to believe in their crap and maybe if you handle this that way or practice this.  All crazy thinking as like you, several times going back and each one worst, and her track record with all relationship is awful, where mine in my whole life has been steady.  A job for 27 years at the same place, married for 34yrs, life long friends since grammar school, and she has none of this.  This helps me too, and most people on this site all seem to be giving people, and caring as well.  

SO this fix we need like a drug since they make us feel on top is just that and only fleeting, not true love and not happiness, and so I keep on remembering and this time, I really hope to go no contact because not doing so , even as hard as that is, is so damaging.  Though at one point she did admit several times that she was mean, abusive, and controlling and a total b___.  I am sure she was booted out of some relationship then and got real, but that has the life span of a fruit fly since she went on the attack 2 months later.  Thanks so much!

[Confusedmae]

Hi Outside:

Yes, they do come back, even after years. Even when they are older. Or at least that's been my experience.

My ex is 45 and we were together 11+ years.  I haven't seen him physically in almost 4 years when he moved out of state.  Haven't had a phone conversation with him in almost 2.5 years but I do receive random emails every now and then.  Just a couple of days ago I received an email from him asking me to call EA Sports because he wanted to resume playing a game that I was the credit card holder on and they needed my permission to release the game characters to him. 

I'm pretty confident it won't be the last time I hear from him.

[rickdeckard]

Yes, some do. About 20 years later for me. And while the idealization was unbelievable (ever wanted to feel like a teenager again?), so was the devaluation. She started complaining about things I did 20 years ago. A lot. Over and over. About stuff I didnt even remember.

But my ex is an individual as is yours. Mine may not try it again. Or maybe she will. IDK. I guess I could just ask her... .joking. No way will I do that .

I think im going to stop using the term "my" when referring to the ex and use "the" instead. I think this will help me a bit.