A question of ethics

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Years ago I recorded one of my wife's raging rants. I wanted her to hear how she sounded and hear the unbelievable

and absurd things coming out of her mouth. She agreed to listen. Ten seconds after playback started she destroyed the recorder.

Fast forward to present time:

A few months after my wife left I made a promise to myself that I would not wait longer than twelve months

before I starting taking steps toward divorce. That time is so close... .I'm starting to smell the stinky cologne

my lawyer uses.

My main concern right now is custody issues, and I am still not sure what's best for the kids.

My wife said she would fight till the end for custody.

Unknown to my wife, I have recorded the last three phone calls. She didn't go into full on rage mode, but she raged enough to get a good

sense of how she is. There were also some admissions of past bad behavior on her part. There wasn't any need for me to goad her,

Over the last three years I would consider it just another "normal" conversation between us.

I do not know if it would be legal for a judge to hear. I did it for my lawyer, to help him understand who he would be dealing with.

I don't feel good about doing that, but if I do seek full custody I'm sure it would be useful information.

I think about pulling the trigger, and record her in maximum rage/rant.

It's so easy for me rationalize that its OK for me to do that.

Ethically it doesn't feel right, guess I'm not a very good dirty fighter.


Any thoughts?

Thanks

[JonnyKrunch]

Years ago I recorded one of my wife's raging rants. I wanted her to hear how she sounded and hear the unbelievable

and absurd things coming out of her mouth. She agreed to listen. Ten seconds after playback started she destroyed the recorder.

Fast forward to present time:

A few months after my wife left I made a promise to myself that I would not wait longer than twelve months

before I starting taking steps toward divorce. That time is so close... .I'm starting to smell the stinky cologne

my lawyer uses.

My main concern right now is custody issues, and I am still not sure what's best for the kids.

My wife said she would fight till the end for custody.

Unknown to my wife, I have recorded the last three phone calls. She didn't go into full on rage mode, but she raged enough to get a good

sense of how she is. There were also some admissions of past bad behavior on her part. There wasn't any need for me to goad her,

Over the last three years I would consider it just another "normal" conversation between us.

I do not know if it would be legal for a judge to hear. I did it for my lawyer, to help him understand who he would be dealing with.

I don't feel good about doing that, but if I do seek full custody I'm sure it would be useful information.

I think about pulling the trigger, and record her in maximum rage/rant.

It's so easy for me rationalize that its OK for me to do that.

Ethically it doesn't feel right, guess I'm not a very good dirty fighter.


Any thoughts?

Thanks

[Tiepje3]

I did the same thing (recording) and I even 'showed' it to a few friends and family members, just to show them what he's capable of when he's not being Mr. Nice Guy to other people. I don't know if it's admissible in court (don't know your laws).

I was past the point of being 'ethical'. Why would I? Was he ethical when he was ranting and raving and then pretend as if nothing happened in his interactions with other people? I needed it to validate myself. He would only behave like that with me, not with others. In order to not get crazy, I showed it to others. Not to make him look bad, but to make sure I wasn't the crazy one.

My friend, who works in a care centre with children that are 'hard to handle' told me that if one of those kids did something like that, she'd push the alarm button to make co-workers appear and even call the police, because of the amount of anger displayed. That made me feel better. I'm not the crazy one.

Don't know if this helps. Ethics aren't just rules, they can differ from person to person.