Alone

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Man, about a month out now and I feel so alone. She has a new guy within a day of dumping me and Im left with the wreckage. Amazed how they can just drop all emotions and feelings so quick.

[Deeno02]

Man, about a month out now and I feel so alone. She has a new guy within a day of dumping me and Im left with the wreckage. Amazed how they can just drop all emotions and feelings so quick.

[crookedeuphoria]

Oh Deeno02. I'm sorry you are struggling. You have to try and remember that her whole life is wreckage. It's not as if she has moved on and is now going to have a happy, fairy tale life. She is going to do the same exact thing with the new guy as she did with you. Maybe it will take longer, maybe it will take less time, but the same exact thing is going to happen. Over and over and over.

You have the power to choose a different path for yourself. She doesn't have that luxury.

[enlighten me]

Hi Deeno

Sorry that your hurting. I don't think they drop their feelings that quickly. I think in a way they have dropped them a long time before hence the fact that the replacement is so quick. They have worked their way to the point as they knew it would be coming because it always does.

Doesn't help us knowing this though.

[bunnysc]

THATS THE WAY IT IS, I still can't get over how F UP they are. Deeno I don't have words to describe the way they act...   Don't feel bad, in my case I have to drive by her house every time I go out and it plain s*&^ cause she lives 300ft from my place... .I even have to see her new replacement parked outside how messed up is that... .I guess life  wants us to go through this barriers or who knows... My mind is still  But her's is totally F UP 

Try not to feel bad and don't think to much about it (I KNOW its hard)

[ReluctantSurvivor]

I know your pain.  It took mine 17 days to get a date but she moved in after one meal.  She went from planning a wedding with me to playing house with somebody new.  I have one small thing that keeps my pilot light on.  When I proposed to her I told myself that I have to accept her for what she is.  We might not be a couple anymore but I can still look myself in the eyes knowing that my heart is loyal and true.  I miss her dearly and am deeply hurt but ultimately I just wush her peace.

[fred6]

Hi Deeno

Sorry that your hurting. I don't think they drop their feelings that quickly. I think in a way they have dropped them a long time before hence the fact that the replacement is so quick. They have worked their way to the point as they knew it would be coming because it always does.

Doesn't help us knowing this though.

When I was still living there, I asked her if her motto, "once a cheater, always a cheater" now applied to her. In a remorsless voice, she barked yes like a cracked out Chihuahua. She then started raging and let it slip that, "this was NEVER going to work between us". It was NEVER going to work out, but yet you strung me along for 3 years? Yes, they do know that it's going to end eventually. At least I lasted 3 years. She hasn't had a relationship last more than 4 months in 10+ years. Wow, I was the lucky one. I wonder what that says about me  . I guess I'm a chump or something... .

I know your pain.  It took mine 17 days to get a date but she moved in after one meal.  She went from planning a wedding with me to playing house with somebody new.  I have one small thing that keeps my pilot light on.  When I proposed to her I told myself that I have to accept her for what she is.  We might not be a couple anymore but I can still look myself in the eyes knowing that my heart is loyal and true.  I miss her dearly and am deeply hurt but ultimately I just wush her peace.

To expand upon RS point. Mine was cheating on me, maybe the whole 3 years, Who knows at this point? But as I've been told by many people. This situation doesn't reflect on us, it reflects on them and their disorder.

[Deeno02]

Bunnysc, she coaches our sons in Volleyball.  So fortunately i only have to go to games, since he can drive to practice... .whew. As for the others, i guess looking back on it i do see now her acting more distant. It was the final threat of treat me special or lose me that i cracked and went NC to sort it out. I decided to go ahead. When i contacted her, she said she was done. I begged. Next day chatting up her old college friend and now they are together.  Tried one last time by taking flowers to VB practice and professed my love in front of the girls there. She grabbed the flowers from me, said it was inappropriate,  said a bunch of things, some of which i never heard before, said an insult about my daughter and walked off. That was 8 days ago and its been NC since. It hurt me badly,  worse than my divorce, worse than the suffering ive seen during war. I had a ring already and was going to propose on her birthday, 1 October.  Im 50 and i was going to take on 5 kids (1 autistic) whom i loved almost as much as mine. She never new about the ring. Never will.

[Loveofhislife]

Actually, Crooked, they do have a choice: painful as it is, they can choose to do the hard work many of us are: core work that takes us back to some very painful realities about ourselves and our FOO. There are amazing pwBPD recovery stories--they are not in a coma or suffering a disability for which there is no treatment. They CHOOSE to remain in denial of their disorder(s). Their pain and fear is unbelievable but so is their wake of wreckage: to themselves and others! Heck, my pwBPD left his 2 young boys and wife for three years to go to federal prison for 3 years: and he continues to believe HE is the victim--not the women from whom he stole 10's of thousands of dollars. Yet I feel VERY alone; I totally get (now) that he had his escape route planned--as soon as he no longer NEEDED me or my money: his first love and source of supply.

[myself]

Deeno, my then-gf accepted the ring. Said it was the most important moment of her life. Expressed her love, her thanks, with promises for the future. But now she's long gone. It was too close for her. Too real. Could it have worked out? Yes, but like Loveofhislife is saying, she chose to not face her disorder. I might as well have tied the ring to a balloon and watched it float away, same result. We're left alone in many ways. Some we ended up asking for/creating on our own. Some we didn't. Here we are. It is what it is. Acceptance.

[bunnysc]

Deeno, I feel your pain keep strong! All the things you did demonstrates you are a man of good heart. Please don't let yourself down for what you did cause everything you did was deep from you heart.

This may sound stup, but mine invited me to lunch... .right? She invited me, but it was because she had no money$. So can you tell they are masters at using us. Next day her replacement was calling me acting as a lawyer threatening me ... .Can you imagine all the planning they had to do? Just to demonstrate you how ''Low'' they can go and use others.

All the things we ''try'' with them is because we actually care for them! And it hurts so much to think that they cared for us, liked us and even fell in love with us in a FAKE way just so they can keep living... I feel so used, we ALL feel that way I guess.

[bunnysc]

I might as well have tied the ring to a balloon and watched it float away, same result.

myself, wow... I just remembered all the pics she showed me of rings, dresses and plans to marry me in such an intense way and saying me that next year we had to marry. Thanks god she is gone, it makes me feel strong  in this moments of weakness.

[Loveofhislife]

All the things we ''try'' with them is because we actually care for them! And it hurts so much to think that they cared for us, liked us and even fell in love with us in a FAKE way just so they can keep living... I feel so used, we ALL feel that way I guess.

And this is what hurts my ego the most   knowing that I "Miss Independent; Miss Self Sufficient; Miss Keep Your Distance" thank you Kelly Clarkson. Anyway, I was used in every way, and unlike so many of you, I HAVE NO EXCUSE--I knew about NPD and BPD--(didn't know he was one) but early on he told me about his HORRIFYING past: 4 marriages, cheating, military brig and federal prison--multiple arrests and bankruptcies. But my ego said, I CAN SAVE HIM--I can control this: time for a rescue! I can say I had the best of intentions; I was becoming an empty nester and had a new "project." "Oops, I fell in love." What happened to Miss Independent? She was cruelly abandoned without so much as a goodbye after a year of emotional and financial abuse for the sake of "helping him get back on his feet" after prison. Did he ever love me? How could anyone do what he did to a person he loved? He'll be back when the money runs out or he gets fired or... .and where will I be? Anywhere but here!

[ReluctantSurvivor]

Yes, they do know that it's going to end eventually. At least I lasted 3 years. She hasn't had a relationship last more than 4 months in 10+ years. Wow, I was the lucky one. I wonder what that says about me  . I guess I'm a chump or something... .

I wouldn't consider lasting this long to be a negative.  It is a testament to your strength of character.  Your positive traits are of such calibur that you endured a challenge nine times longer than an average joe.  That takes a wellspring of greatness.  Psuedoscience might call a pwBPD an emotional vampire.  The fact that you lasted so long just shows how much of a badass you are.  Just imagine what all that good will do the day you meet that healthy woman out there waiting.