Dealing with Emotions: the stiff upper lip sometimes droops

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi all,

It was tough going NC with my M.I.L. but I believe tougher for my husband.   That was over 3 years ago we went NC with her.    Story doesn't have to be told as it is old.   (rhyme)

Recently went NC with my sister.   I found myself really festering and building up a lot of just "pissed offness" that I started to take into my personal life.    I have a blended family and we daily manage a lot with all the kids and between working full time and I have my kids almost 100% of time and fully responsible for the two of them... .I melted.

Started to drive to work and had to turn around and go home.  Called out.    Had long discussion with husband and realized just how angry and upset and affected I have been by having to cut my sister off.    It is almost like a death.    When I lost my mom 10 years ago... .and now I am losing my 2nd mom aunt to dimmentia.    So the stiff upper lip gone and I must have cried a couple hours about it yesterday.  Hopefully released some anger.   Feeling it today.   Feeling less angry and trying to just be peaceful again.   We can do NO with these family members but still have to find out own peace.  My BPD sister was clearly causing me turmoil but her loss is a loss.   I have a picture of her in her 20s beside a couple angels on my dresser hoping she will realize her wrong doing and call and apologize and straighten herself out and admit to needing help but I don't think this will be the reality.    I guess I am still hoping for that.

:'(

[funfunctional]

Hi all,

It was tough going NC with my M.I.L. but I believe tougher for my husband.   That was over 3 years ago we went NC with her.    Story doesn't have to be told as it is old.   (rhyme)

Recently went NC with my sister.   I found myself really festering and building up a lot of just "pissed offness" that I started to take into my personal life.    I have a blended family and we daily manage a lot with all the kids and between working full time and I have my kids almost 100% of time and fully responsible for the two of them... .I melted.

Started to drive to work and had to turn around and go home.  Called out.    Had long discussion with husband and realized just how angry and upset and affected I have been by having to cut my sister off.    It is almost like a death.    When I lost my mom 10 years ago... .and now I am losing my 2nd mom aunt to dimmentia.    So the stiff upper lip gone and I must have cried a couple hours about it yesterday.  Hopefully released some anger.   Feeling it today.   Feeling less angry and trying to just be peaceful again.   We can do NO with these family members but still have to find out own peace.  My BPD sister was clearly causing me turmoil but her loss is a loss.   I have a picture of her in her 20s beside a couple angels on my dresser hoping she will realize her wrong doing and call and apologize and straighten herself out and admit to needing help but I don't think this will be the reality.    I guess I am still hoping for that.

:'(

[Woolspinner2000]

Funfunctional,

I'm so sorry for your pain and especially your grief right now. I can tell it is hurting you so much. I read an article recently about how tears and grief are actually very healing to help us as we try and wade through these tremendously painful things in our lives. I don't know how easy it is for you to cry, but I hope the tears were helpful in washing away some of the anger and loss you feel. I am very glad that you are able to 'feel' and share those emotions with us.

Extra hugs to you cuz you for sure need them from your adopted family here! 

Woolspinner

[Barbara Smith]

I don't know if it helps to know you're not alone.  It helps me.  It helped me to read about what you're hoping about your sister.  That's word for word how I feel about my sister as well.  It is a loss and there is definitely grief involved.  My sister recently used my daughter's social media site to say some cruel things to me.  I wish I knew a way to make things better, but anything I say just makes it worse.  Hearing about yours and others' experiences helps me to know I'm not crazy.  Blessings and thanks for sharing.

[HappyChappy]

So sorry to hear your feelings of loss.   I guess it’s a no win situation being involved with a BPD. I can relate to that as it’s almost a year of NC with my bro. They do say you need to grieve the loss of the sister you wished you had. The sister you deserved. The book I read suggested even having a ceremony.  So I collected everything that triggered bad memories with my bro, and burnt the lot. Bit like a funeral. Now I can honestly say, I hardly ever think of him.  I use to feel sorry for him, tried so hard to help him. But now I realise a Narcissist just sees good deeds as a weakness, something they despise, it became easy to stop trying to help him, once I realise it was futile. Why help someone who can never change and just despises you for it ? I expect funfunctional you’ll make many, far more rewarding relationships in the future. Sisters don’t have to be biological. I’ve gained far more from friends and partners than FOO. Wishing you peace. 

[funfunctional]

Thank you Woolspinner, Barbara and Happy Chappy,

Appreciate your sharing & kind words.   The crying helped woolspinner.  It lessened the anger.   That's what I needed to do.  "adopted family"   

Terrible about your sister Barbara using daughter's social media.   My sister has the potential to do this.  I have told both my children to stay away.   That we are a TEAM and she is not going to divide that with her nastiness.   I was fortunate that she defriended us all in one of her rages!    YAY!  She thought she was burning us and only burned herself.   

The only person my sister has to work "thru" right now is my dad.  I got the "oh poor sister" phone call yesterday from him.  The dreaded tumour has arrived "again" and although they are not removing it for a couple months of course it could be cancerous.   Sorry... .this isn't working this time.    Doctor's don't wait to remove two months to remove a deadly cancerous tumour so it's not working.  My dad as always is trying to put burden of reconnecting with this nasty person onto me.    Not this time.  I have done it already too much.

Thanks for the encouraging words too Happ Chapp.     I hope to keep making more friends and expanding on my current relationships.     I need to be happy.    I think I have my own issues to work on and I do.   Not BPD issues... .but balancing work and family life and having some down time.  That is why I can't invest time into the BPD person.   Just not enough of me to go around.