He only wants the kids if he can see me too

[refusetosuccumb]

Separated for almost 6 months (go me!)

stbxhPPDp rarely sees the kids or calls to talk to them.  His mom wants to do family pics with her, him and the kids. I think it's a nice idea and even offered to give him a ride (he doesn't drive).  He texts me that his friend is having a house party and if I go with him he will consider doing photos with the kids.  I told him no and then got a barrage of texts stating that I'm such a control freak and everything has to be my way.  I am proud to say I did not respond and he has not responded further.

He does this all the time.  The few occasions he's asked for the kids he always asks "can you stay too? I want to see you too" I generally try to not be there so he can spend time with the kiddos, but it always ends up with him holed up in his music room and the kids on their own in the livingroom watching tv and waiting for me to return. 

I don't offer the kids anymore because they never interact with their dad.  When he does ask, I bring them over for a short period of time. 

But it's always tied to seeing me.  We are never, ever, ever getting back together and he knows this.  I've told him 1000000000000 times.  He cheated on me and refuses to seek help so I have my answer.  It's way easier to deal with working and dealing with the kids 100% on my own than to deal with his drama.

Any suggestions?  Should I offer time with the kids?  The kids are doing so much better without his volatility.  No fighting in our house.  the kids have chores and are pretty responsible (7 and 11).  We have routine which we lacked when we lived with him.

I think I answered my own question, but I'd love to hear someone else's take or commiseration.

[david]

I agree, I think you answered your own question.

You can not make someone interact with their kids if they don't want to. I would count your blessings and move on. I wish my ex would do the same thing. Makes me a little jealous.   

[momtara]

You answered your own question. 

We all feel guilty and bend over backwards.  If he wants to see the kids, let him shape up and get healthier and make a reasonable request.

[Swiggle]

One of the most helpful things my T helped me understand when it came to my ex and our kids is... .their relationship is not my responsibiilty. I cannot force him to love and treat his kids the way they deserve. My only responsibility is my relationship with them and letting them know that I will support whatever the relationship with dad is.

You def. answered your own questions. I too am jealous at times for the other parent who is just uninvolved and doesn't care. I mean it sucks either way for the kids but if my ex wasn't involved it would make some things a lot easier.