what about myself

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

For the past few years, my life has been tough with unemployment, sick dad and lots of other stuff. My therapist diagnosed me with quarter life crisis and ptsd. I am beating step by step the ptsd. Also i am taking an exam that would change a lot in my life (relocation to a first world country) and help to end my quarter life crisis. The quarter life crisis that lead me to accept any idealization and rush to enter my life without any questions or skeptisism. Unknown to me that this would lead me to hit the breaking point through my break up with my uBPDex . i am trying to reclaim my life and build it better. I decided to sit this exam in november though i am not 100% healed. But i am trying to make it work for me. Though my therapist refused to relate any codependency to me but i believe that i have some traits. Today was a rough day. I ___ed up during studying and it ended to be a not very ok day so i stopped studying and went out with my friends. My mood got better. I was telling myself "tomorrow i will study better. You know what you would have been studying harder if ur ex was still was you as you would have been more responsible as moving to this country would have helped you to get married (we are from different religion and its a taboo to get and interreligion marriage). Then i was like " what ? Would you have been stusyig harder for the sake of her if she was with you. Why dont you try your best for your own good and ur future?".

I know that changing the behaviour patterns and values after the BPD crash takes months maybe years but every time i catch myself depending my own well being on others make me sad.

[antjs]

For the past few years, my life has been tough with unemployment, sick dad and lots of other stuff. My therapist diagnosed me with quarter life crisis and ptsd. I am beating step by step the ptsd. Also i am taking an exam that would change a lot in my life (relocation to a first world country) and help to end my quarter life crisis. The quarter life crisis that lead me to accept any idealization and rush to enter my life without any questions or skeptisism. Unknown to me that this would lead me to hit the breaking point through my break up with my uBPDex . i am trying to reclaim my life and build it better. I decided to sit this exam in november though i am not 100% healed. But i am trying to make it work for me. Though my therapist refused to relate any codependency to me but i believe that i have some traits. Today was a rough day. I ___ed up during studying and it ended to be a not very ok day so i stopped studying and went out with my friends. My mood got better. I was telling myself "tomorrow i will study better. You know what you would have been studying harder if ur ex was still was you as you would have been more responsible as moving to this country would have helped you to get married (we are from different religion and its a taboo to get and interreligion marriage). Then i was like " what ? Would you have been stusyig harder for the sake of her if she was with you. Why dont you try your best for your own good and ur future?".

I know that changing the behaviour patterns and values after the BPD crash takes months maybe years but every time i catch myself depending my own well being on others make me sad.

[Blimblam]

Antony

You didn't choose where you came from. 

We are each on a different point on our journey.

"Where ever you go there you are. "

What I have found is whenever a strong emotion arises it is how i relate to a part of myself. Even if I am thinking of my ex, I am thinking how i relate to the female archetype within me that i associate with my ex.

I often find myself comparing myself to the dream I was brought up to believe in which causes me suffering and motivates me with fear rather than a zest for life.

[maxen]

it ended to be a not very ok day so i stopped studying and went out with my friends. My mood got better. I was telling myself "tomorrow i will study better.

so, antony james, it sounds as if you're handling this situation just right. you recognized what went wrong, took a step to alleviate your blues, and then resolved to do better tomorrow. it sounds as though you have the resources to keep going.

I know that changing the behaviour patterns and values after the BPD crash takes months maybe years but every time i catch myself depending my own well being on others make me sad.

it's also good that you recognize that this will take time. i'm 15 months after the explosion of a seven year marriage, and i'm not alright yet. it's hard, waiting for time to do its work, and it will work, but you can't rush time.

we're all social animals. i hope you don't think leaning on friends is depending your well bring on others - it's just perfectly natural. but if you are aware that you are too dependent on others, then your awareness will help you past it. why do you think you're too dependent?

[Pingo]

Antony, you are figuring out stuff in your 'quarter life crisis' that took me until my 'mid life crisis' to figure out.  I am just now realising and accepting that I depend on others for my own well-being.  It is hard to come to this realisation but the awareness is also freeing.  It means you can start to see it when it happens and question it.  Start to care for yourself in a way you couldn't before.  And working with your T to learn how to do it is awesome.  That is the path I'm on as well.  You are working hard to create a healthy self which can only lead to healthier relationships. 

[antjs]

my experience here for 9 months taught me two things that i am lucky to have. first this wake up experience early in my life. i am 26 and i can see lots of members here who are 30,40 or 50 years old. When i thought about it, nothing in my life would have strongly crashed me and let me self realize and examine this dependency issue except for the BPD. when i asked my close friends about it, they said that they have been feeling it but it does not bother them. codependent people do not harm anyone except for themselves. this is the problem. second thing, i quit my interaction with my ex after 6 weeks only. i consider myself lucky cause i can see lots of members here who have been with their exs for 20+ and 30+ years in a marriage with kids. although my interaction was super short but it hurts like ___. and this gives a red lamp concerning my issue. how can you feel the worst agony in your life because of someone you have been with for 6 weeks only !

I am in a late stage of healing. i am in a stage where i am angry. not angry at myself and not angry at my ex. i am just angry about the whole situation. i wish it would have never happened. i learned a lot. but this lesson has let me see the dark part of the yin yang. I am too self aware now with the evil in this world and i am hating it. its good because i can protect myself now with this self consciousness but its too overwhelming and draining. i am always on guards now. i am becoming cynical towards the human race. i do not know when if ever i will get the balance again.

[Pingo]

my experience here for 9 months taught me two things that i am lucky to have. first this wake up experience early in my life. i am 26 and i can see lots of members here who are 30,40 or 50 years old. When i thought about it, nothing in my life would have strongly crashed me and let me self realize and examine this dependency issue except for the BPD. when i asked my close friends about it, they said that they have been feeling it but it does not bother them. codependent people do not harm anyone except for themselves. this is the problem. second thing, i quit my interaction with my ex after 6 weeks only. i consider myself lucky cause i can see lots of members here who have been with their exs for 20+ and 30+ years in a marriage with kids. although my interaction was super short but it hurts like ___. and this gives a red lamp concerning my issue. how can you feel the worst agony in your life because of someone you have been with for 6 weeks only !

I am in a late stage of healing. i am in a stage where i am angry. not angry at myself and not angry at my ex. i am just angry about the whole situation. i wish it would have never happened. i learned a lot. but this lesson has let me see the dark part of the yin yang. I am too self aware now with the evil in this world and i am hating it. its good because i can protect myself now with this self consciousness but its too overwhelming and draining. i am always on guards now. i am becoming cynical towards the human race. i do not know when if ever i will get the balance again.

I would argue that codependency CAN hurt others such as in enabling them to continue unhealthy patterns... .I didn't do my ex any favours by taking care of him and allowing him to continue to stall in taking responsibilities.  But I think I know what you mean.

I am 44 and I spent 4 yrs with my ex.  The good thing about being older is that I had more experiences before my pwBPD to know that a) I will recover from this (although I wonder if I'll ever recover completely) and b) I know what it's like to have a r/s with a 'non' and have real love.  The bad thing I suppose is that I wonder if I'll ever get another chance at something great and healthy, my self-esteem has been shattered and I don't know if I'll ever be able to fully trust another man.  I think that with my age and what I've been through, I am tired and don't know if I have the energy to try again.

[antjs]

you can and you will. just be patient with yourself and remember being in a healthy relationship or meeting someone healthy just happens when you least expect it. just take things slowly and maturely.