Why is knowing their mentally disordered just not enough for closure?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Im feeling so much better right now guys, I feel better and I really want to make sure all you guys feel like me right now.  We all need to really think about things like this:

1. The relationship was never going to last forever, no relationship lasts forever with the marketing industry being so involved with sexual attraction, celebrities and gossip stories, social media is a feeding ground for BPDs as well.

2.  No matter what you did or how you did it the outcome would have been the same.  Give them a baby now, the same outcome would have only been prolonged for like another 6 months to a year.  

3. The longer a relationship lasts the more hurt both parties will be ( in a healthy relationship) in this case the more hurt YOU would be, so wanting a 5-10 year relationship is going to set you up for some serious emotional trauma.

4. Remember how her ex before you must have felt when she did the dirty on them with us, did we care about how he felt? exactly so where was our empathy then?

5. The next guy is going to get hurt just like us, and the longer they are together the more emotionally damaged hes gong to be (thats karma right there)

6.  9 times out of 10 they downgrade to the first person whos willing to validate and stroke their ego, which then goes on to suggest that this new guy isnt or wont be very smart, he will have no idea about BPD, nor will he think to educate himself about it, thus resulting in an even more emotionally damaged individual than ourselves.

7.  The BPD is after validation, attention and someone she can manipulate, she has not thought to herself, I want to be with him because he has more money, better looking or physically bigger than us.

8, she ran because she felt she had to, she had no choice on the matter, she ran to the closest guy she could, if her new guy wasn't single it would have been someone else, its all about who gives her the most desirable attention she needs at that present time.

9. She doesnt LOVE she obsesses, For me personally, I have seen FB statuses from my ex to the new guy, saying hes the most amazing man in the world and she will stop at nothing to make him smile, they have only been together for 2 months, do NONs fall in love this quick?... .think about it.

10. the more intense it is at the beginning the faster it will burn out, she can only get so much out of these guys,  my exes replacement only works weekends, lives with his mum, and isnt from a wealthy background, so what exactly does he bring to the table? money? no... .a future? no... .because she will want to keep her independence (keep him at arms length) and shes not going to want to move in with him, because that way the intimacy would become to close and would trigger abandonment.  So while all you guys are missing your exes, and saying her new guy is a complete downgrade, if you couldn't satisfy her needs with your money, your more wealthy background and intimacy towards her, what makes you think this downgrade is going to offer her more?

11.  If you find out that they get married or having a baby together, remember YOU also had that opportunity and your gut instinct said no, so hes not better than you because you were given that choice while in the relationship.

12.  If they do get married or have a child together, think about how much that guy is going to be emotionally damaged, id rather her cheat on me rather than cheat on me after we made our vows and spent thousands on the wedding.

Look at each of them points and really open yourselves up to the fact that, It wasnt going to last forever, a lot of us on here managed to avoid pregnancy and marriage, and we came out hurting pretty bad, now imagine a guy whos not smart, goes through the same ordeal as us, after marriage or after a baby, now add that to the lack of knowledge he will have about BPD and what it is, you will then realise that WE are actually the survivors here.  My exes ex husband had 2 children with her when she was 16 (now 24) he took a loan of £12,000 out to pay for the wedding, shes still legally married to him now, and she cheated on him numerous times, technically i was having sex with someone elses wife, now think how heart wrenching that scenario is!      

Thanks Jammo, let me address your points with my own experience.

1. She actually said to me in bed, in the first week, nothing lasts forever, and repeated this a few times for the next couple of months, she knew how it would end, and she warned me.

2. Yep every stage is like a level they are looking to get to thinking, when I get here, I'll feel ok, oh wait I don't feel ok, next stage, still don't feel ok, lets have a baby, still dont feel ok, I hate my partner and I hate my baby for not making me feel ok, destroy them! Must find new toy to make me feel ok. Be glad we exited the game before we got to baby or marriage level, and then it truly would have been game over.

3. Yes the longer it lasts the further you fall down the rabbit hole and longer it takes to climb out, if you ever do.

4. I did care about how the guy felt and I knew who she was dating even though they weren't in a r/s, I refused to date her whilst she was seeing him, and in the end she painted him out to be this terrible obsessive stalker and I bought into it, she knew I'd have to hate him in order for me to date her.

5. I hope so! :D

6. News I've heard on the grapevine suggests exactly that, and thats he's a complete doormat so in all likelihood the damage she'll do to him will be much worse than the damage she did to me.

7. My ex actually thought I was better looking than her and she HATED it, she said she never normally dates good looking people, I guess I'm the first one she deemed had enough insecurity to go for, but she kept saying she'd actually rather be with someone bad looking, because she couldn't handle the way it made her feel, but it was too late because she was already addicted to me... .what?

8. There HAS to be someone, before I met my ex she had gone through a host of stand in's, people she dated but never got into a r/s with because quite frankly she didn't like them at all, but had to be with someone until she found one to enter a r/s with.

9. No.

10. I don't think much of him, but she had to be with someone, she tried to get back with me numerous times whilst she was seeing him, she even admitted she wasn't attracted to him in the same way she was to me, IE. she doesn't fancy him.

11. Yes she gave me a million chances to f*** up my life serving herself to me on a plate for the entire r/s and even after whilst dating the replacement, I am not stupid enough to take it.

12. I knew how bad my life would get if I had a child with her, I couldn't think of anything worse, I pity him if he does.

[bungenstein]

Im feeling so much better right now guys, I feel better and I really want to make sure all you guys feel like me right now.  We all need to really think about things like this:

1. The relationship was never going to last forever, no relationship lasts forever with the marketing industry being so involved with sexual attraction, celebrities and gossip stories, social media is a feeding ground for BPDs as well.

2.  No matter what you did or how you did it the outcome would have been the same.  Give them a baby now, the same outcome would have only been prolonged for like another 6 months to a year.  

3. The longer a relationship lasts the more hurt both parties will be ( in a healthy relationship) in this case the more hurt YOU would be, so wanting a 5-10 year relationship is going to set you up for some serious emotional trauma.

4. Remember how her ex before you must have felt when she did the dirty on them with us, did we care about how he felt? exactly so where was our empathy then?

5. The next guy is going to get hurt just like us, and the longer they are together the more emotionally damaged hes gong to be (thats karma right there)

6.  9 times out of 10 they downgrade to the first person whos willing to validate and stroke their ego, which then goes on to suggest that this new guy isnt or wont be very smart, he will have no idea about BPD, nor will he think to educate himself about it, thus resulting in an even more emotionally damaged individual than ourselves.

7.  The BPD is after validation, attention and someone she can manipulate, she has not thought to herself, I want to be with him because he has more money, better looking or physically bigger than us.

8, she ran because she felt she had to, she had no choice on the matter, she ran to the closest guy she could, if her new guy wasn't single it would have been someone else, its all about who gives her the most desirable attention she needs at that present time.

9. She doesnt LOVE she obsesses, For me personally, I have seen FB statuses from my ex to the new guy, saying hes the most amazing man in the world and she will stop at nothing to make him smile, they have only been together for 2 months, do NONs fall in love this quick?... .think about it.

10. the more intense it is at the beginning the faster it will burn out, she can only get so much out of these guys,  my exes replacement only works weekends, lives with his mum, and isnt from a wealthy background, so what exactly does he bring to the table? money? no... .a future? no... .because she will want to keep her independence (keep him at arms length) and shes not going to want to move in with him, because that way the intimacy would become to close and would trigger abandonment.  So while all you guys are missing your exes, and saying her new guy is a complete downgrade, if you couldn't satisfy her needs with your money, your more wealthy background and intimacy towards her, what makes you think this downgrade is going to offer her more?

11.  If you find out that they get married or having a baby together, remember YOU also had that opportunity and your gut instinct said no, so hes not better than you because you were given that choice while in the relationship.

12.  If they do get married or have a child together, think about how much that guy is going to be emotionally damaged, id rather her cheat on me rather than cheat on me after we made our vows and spent thousands on the wedding.

Look at each of them points and really open yourselves up to the fact that, It wasnt going to last forever, a lot of us on here managed to avoid pregnancy and marriage, and we came out hurting pretty bad, now imagine a guy whos not smart, goes through the same ordeal as us, after marriage or after a baby, now add that to the lack of knowledge he will have about BPD and what it is, you will then realise that WE are actually the survivors here.  My exes ex husband had 2 children with her when she was 16 (now 24) he took a loan of £12,000 out to pay for the wedding, shes still legally married to him now, and she cheated on him numerous times, technically i was having sex with someone elses wife, now think how heart wrenching that scenario is!      

Thanks Jammo, let me address your points with my own experience.

1. She actually said to me in bed, in the first week, nothing lasts forever, and repeated this a few times for the next couple of months, she knew how it would end, and she warned me.

2. Yep every stage is like a level they are looking to get to thinking, when I get here, I'll feel ok, oh wait I don't feel ok, next stage, still don't feel ok, lets have a baby, still dont feel ok, I hate my partner and I hate my baby for not making me feel ok, destroy them! Must find new toy to make me feel ok. Be glad we exited the game before we got to baby or marriage level, and then it truly would have been game over.

3. Yes the longer it lasts the further you fall down the rabbit hole and longer it takes to climb out, if you ever do.

4. I did care about how the guy felt and I knew who she was dating even though they weren't in a r/s, I refused to date her whilst she was seeing him, and in the end she painted him out to be this terrible obsessive stalker and I bought into it, she knew I'd have to hate him in order for me to date her.

5. I hope so! :D

6. News I've heard on the grapevine suggests exactly that, and thats he's a complete doormat so in all likelihood the damage she'll do to him will be much worse than the damage she did to me.

7. My ex actually thought I was better looking than her and she HATED it, she said she never normally dates good looking people, I guess I'm the first one she deemed had enough insecurity to go for, but she kept saying she'd actually rather be with someone bad looking, because she couldn't handle the way it made her feel, but it was too late because she was already addicted to me... .what?

8. There HAS to be someone, before I met my ex she had gone through a host of stand in's, people she dated but never got into a r/s with because quite frankly she didn't like them at all, but had to be with someone until she found one to enter a r/s with.

9. No.

10. I don't think much of him, but she had to be with someone, she tried to get back with me numerous times whilst she was seeing him, she even admitted she wasn't attracted to him in the same way she was to me, IE. she doesn't fancy him.

11. Yes she gave me a million chances to f*** up my life serving herself to me on a plate for the entire r/s and even after whilst dating the replacement, I am not stupid enough to take it.

12. I knew how bad my life would get if I had a child with her, I couldn't think of anything worse, I pity him if he does.

[fred6]

9. She doesnt LOVE she obsesses, For me personally, I have seen FB statuses from my ex to the new guy, saying hes the most amazing man in the world and she will stop at nothing to make him smile, they have only been together for 2 months, do NONs fall in love this quick?... .think about it.

I'm starting to wonder if my uxBPD has run off her new supply already? Even though she blocked me, she still has my daughter on her friends list. I looked the other day and she hasn't really posted anything since she blocked me. There are none of those mirroring country boy/girl posts from 2-3 weeks ago. That tells me that they were directed at me the whole time and she stopped posting them when she blocked me. Or she somehow ran off replacement already. Or maybe her week was too busy to be a facebookaholic, .

10. no... .because she will want to keep her independence (keep him at arms length) and shes not going to want to move in with him, because that way the intimacy would become to close and would trigger abandonment. 

Tell me more about this independence. I've posted a little about this in the past and no one really said that much about it. My ex had this strange independence thing going on. She would rarely ask for or accept anything. I mean in the beginning she did. But as time went on it got worse and worse. Almost like she thought that she would owe me or something. I don't know, it was strange... .

[jammo1989]

9. She doesnt LOVE she obsesses, For me personally, I have seen FB statuses from my ex to the new guy, saying hes the most amazing man in the world and she will stop at nothing to make him smile, they have only been together for 2 months, do NONs fall in love this quick?... .think about it.

I'm starting to wonder if my uxBPD has run off her new supply already? Even though she blocked me, she still has my daughter on her friends list. I looked the other day and she hasn't really posted anything since she blocked me. There are none of those mirroring country boy/girl posts from 2-3 weeks ago. That tells me that they were directed at me the whole time and she stopped posting them when she blocked me. Or she somehow ran off replacement already. Or maybe her week was too busy to be a facebookaholic, .

10. no... .because she will want to keep her independence (keep him at arms length) and shes not going to want to move in with him, because that way the intimacy would become to close and would trigger abandonment. 

Tell me more about this independence. I've posted a little about this in the past and no one really said that much about it. My ex had this strange independence thing going on. She would rarely ask for or accept anything. I mean in the beginning she did. But as time went on it got worse and worse. Almost like she thought that she would owe me or something. I don't know, it was strange... .

Right  BPD is obsessed with control, if they feel as if they are losing control of a situation, as in you have the upper hand, her emotions will get to intense and it will trigger her abandonment fears.  For example, at first a BPD would obsess over you talking about moving in together and such, but what tends to happen is, that once they have put themselves in a position where they cant keep you at arms length (see you when they want to see you) they become smothered and fear intimacy, it is then that they abandon us because their loss of independence has has made her lose control of not only the situation shes now in, but the control she needs to keep her emotions in a stable state.  Remember these woman (well my ex) was abused as a child was put into foster care and her only way of surviving has been through defence mechanisms.  Now think these woman have had to be independent their whole lives, so by taking it away from them by offering them a better life triggers abandonment, because its something their not used to.  Think of that film Jumanji that guy lived in the game he once feared, but after a while he learned to survive alone by using different methods to protect himself from the danger he had to face every day in Jumanjis jungle.  They have learned to be independent through force because they had to be, so thats why even a millionaire cant sustain a loving relationship with these people, they need and are so used to drama as children that when everything going well they panic, because they dont know how to handle the situation, and their first thought process is to run.  They only run because there depression and emotions are like 1000 times more intense than a NONs, i hope i have explained everything you asked.       

[fred6]

9. She doesnt LOVE she obsesses, For me personally, I have seen FB statuses from my ex to the new guy, saying hes the most amazing man in the world and she will stop at nothing to make him smile, they have only been together for 2 months, do NONs fall in love this quick?... .think about it.

I'm starting to wonder if my uxBPD has run off her new supply already? Even though she blocked me, she still has my daughter on her friends list. I looked the other day and she hasn't really posted anything since she blocked me. There are none of those mirroring country boy/girl posts from 2-3 weeks ago. That tells me that they were directed at me the whole time and she stopped posting them when she blocked me. Or she somehow ran off replacement already. Or maybe her week was too busy to be a facebookaholic, .

10. no... .because she will want to keep her independence (keep him at arms length) and shes not going to want to move in with him, because that way the intimacy would become to close and would trigger abandonment. 

Tell me more about this independence. I've posted a little about this in the past and no one really said that much about it. My ex had this strange independence thing going on. She would rarely ask for or accept anything. I mean in the beginning she did. But as time went on it got worse and worse. Almost like she thought that she would owe me or something. I don't know, it was strange... .

Right  BPD is obsessed with control, if they feel as if they are losing control of a situation, as in you have the upper hand, her emotions will get to intense and it will trigger her abandonment fears.  For example, at first a BPD would obsess over you talking about moving in together and such, but what tends to happen is, that once they have put themselves in a position where they cant keep you at arms length (see you when they want to see you) they become smothered and fear intimacy, it is then that they abandon us because their loss of independence has has made her lose control of not only the situation shes now in, but the control she needs to keep her emotions in a stable state.  Remember these woman (well my ex) was abused as a child was put into foster care and her only way of surviving has been through defence mechanisms.  Now think these woman have had to be independent their whole lives, so by taking it away from them by offering them a better life triggers abandonment, because its something their not used to.  Think of that film Jumanji that guy lived in the game he once feared, but after a while he learned to survive alone by using different methods to protect himself from the danger he had to face every day in Jumanjis jungle.  They have learned to be independent through force because they had to be, so thats why even a millionaire cant sustain a loving relationship with these people, they need and are so used to drama as children that when everything going well they panic, because they dont know how to handle the situation, and their first thought process is to run.  They only run because there depression and emotions are like 1000 times more intense than a NONs, i hope i have explained everything you asked.       

yes jammo, that makes sense.

[hurting300]

Having such a bad day mentally, I understand this is an attachment disorder and that its a mental illness, but i cant stop comparing it with normal relationship break ups.  My ex feared abandonment, then made out that she was broody and craved a baby with me, not just any baby though, but OUR baby, she wanted it with me and nobody else, she then says if shes pregnant shes keeping it no matter how i feel about it.  I say in anger i dont want a baby with you, she paints me black, makes up that she had an abortion, then told me i was the reason we broke up because I killed our baby (all in her head) three week later shes with my replacement and FB official.  My point im making here is, IF i did give her the baby she craved would she have still ran, or would it have lasted longer? i hate having to re assess all these mixed emotions :/   

no man... she would run with the baby. Mine did... it don't matter to them once they want to leave they leave.