Can some anger be a good thing?

[sl1978]

I've been having trouble dealing with my undiagnosed BPD wife abandoning me. I'm starting to find that my anger towards her is helping me move on, in the sense that it makes me never want to be with her again. I know that anger ultimately is not the answer, but I feel like right now it's helping me. Is this unhealthy thinking?

[Yellowman]

Being consumed by anger and acting out of rage is not a good idea.

However experiencing the feeling of anger can be cathartic if you ask me. I love getting mad and I love flying off the handle. I wont hurt anyone or damage anything but stomping around, swearing, taking off my shirt, etc. It gets your adrenaline going, it gets your emotions up, and often times it clears my head about the situation somewhat, when I logically compare my dramatic reaction to the actual event.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

As a child with dysfunctional parents I had to suppress any anger and put their needs first.  As an adult in love with a dysfunctional lady I had to suppress any anger and put her needs first.  Now I will allow myself to be angry but not violent. Now I will protect myself without harming others.  IMHO the suppression of anger and other feelings is what allowed us to enter into such a relationship.  The rush of connecting with these feelings again when in the relationship is the root cause of the addiction IMHO.

[fromheeltoheal]

I know that anger ultimately is not the answer

Actually it is, or part of it.  Anger is one of the five stages of grief, a stage that needs to be worked through on your way to the next one.  The challenge with anger is channeling it in a way that serves you, and using it to be absolutely done with her strengthens your resolve, so that is a good use.  By contrast, going out and getting drunk, getting in a bar fight and going to jail would be a response that doesn't serve you.  It's not the emotion but how we use it, on the path to freedom.  Take care of you!