First I was a bum, now I am selfish because I work too much

[kharma]

If anyone is familiar with my posts, I discussed how my BPD family (mother and father) would routinely put me down and call me a bum or loser because I didn't work a good enough to their standards.

Recently, I've been working two jobs, bringing in a bit more money than usual, and BPD mother has been bullying me saying that I work too much and that all I care about is "that damn job". She called me selfish, and gets angry when I work on the weekends. She's been laying huge guilt trips on me by saying I don't care about her or the family. She' sees my job as a huge threat. Last weekend, both of my parents went on about how I was a "nutcase" because I work too much.

Im saving up money and trying to think of a plan, but if I leave there's a good chance she'll flip out and not let me take the car (she gave it to me) that's in her name with me.

what do I do?

[sisterofbpd]

It sounds to me like the classic BPD thing, where they push you away and ask you not to leave.  Also as if they will just never be happy at all with what you choose.  You need to do what makes you happy.  Is there a way for you to ask to put the car in your name before you leave?  If not, I would just do your best to get a new car and get out of there.  You don't want to be stuck much longer, and they may use that car to keep you.  Good luck with all of this 

[isilme]

It sounds to me a lot like they feel threatened by the idea you are becoming more independent by making more money, and taking responsibility for doing so.  You are showing you don't "need" them.  They want to be needed, because you being dependent keeps them in power.

I agree with trying to change the car over, or looking for something you can afford (I know this is hard), because the fewer strings you have tying you to them, the better overall for you.  It's better when you can choose the time you spend with them, instead of being forced. 

[funfunctional]

Keep saving and get out.   

WOW

They would drive me crazy.

Peace

[clljhns]

Hi kharma,

Great that you have a plan! Keep working toward that goal! I agree with all posters' here. If you can't take car with you, then look into getting your own, or at the very least, move very close to your job so that you can utilize mass transit, if that is available or get a ride from a co-worker.

This is very typical of parents who want to remain in control of their children, for their own selfish needs. My mother offered my oldest sister a trip through Europe if she wouldn't get married and would remain at home! Sick!

Stay focused and remember, this is their problem, not yours!

Peace and blessings.