Thank you everyone. I know I must maintain NC. I have beaten other addictions with relative ease but the addiction to this deviate sick woman is a brutal one.
It is. I journal and this it what I keep re-reading. Its a harsh reality, but when I start feeling the need to be with her again or miss her(she replaced me) I read this: It still hurts, but it reminds me of why I need to be gone from her life... .
Journal entry for the day:
What gives you the:
Right to be immediately happy again, when im destroyed
Right to discard my love for her and her kids
Right to leave me in tears
Right to call my daughter names
Right to deny me any opportunity to say goodbye to her kids
Right to make up stuff that never happened
Right to keep me under wraps and not bring me around her friends
Right to never do anything i may want to do.
Right to demand all my time when i too have a house to run.
Right to threaten me with "treat me special or lose me"
Right to never care about my day
Right to never take care of my emotional needs as a combat veteran. Might have something to do with why i went quiet a few times and wanted to be alone. I did it because i didnt want to expose you and the kids to it.
Right to deny me any opportunity to help you with 5 kids and their schedules
Right to call me a liar
Right to deny my daughter your love. She loved you more than her own mother, who walked out on us. Now you have too.
Right to treat me as an inferior because I dont have a fancy house, make super money or run in certain circles. I KNEW that was going to be a problem no matter what you said.
Right to keep me alone, even when i was with you.
Right to deny me affection because you were mad.
Right to deny me any contact unless it was for your needs
Right to never make me feel at home
Right to devalue me as a person.I am a person who loved you and your five kids. Youll never know about the ring and proposal because you threw me away. Now I wander in my mind wondering what i could have done, and i own some of it i kept hidden from you in my dark times, but you never expressed an interest in my problems or thoughts.
I loved you, Ive missed you, but youve wrecked me as a human being. Im still not sure what Ive done... .
