Soul mates

[drummerboy]

I think that this sort of thinking is exactly the same as what the pwBPD does. That magically, a perfect person will just materialise. Real love does take time and it does take work, every day. To believe otherwise is to set yourself up for another r/s disaster down the road. It is about seeing the real person and not the person we wish them to be. If I've learned anything from my BPD r/s its that people can talk the talk about how connected we are but they are just words. I'll judge people by their actions from now on, not a bunch of "soulmate" claptrap.

... I realize ... that is exactly it!  If you have to try so hard to find or build love together... .then you should probably just drop it.  Why?   True love, soul mate is an organic thing ... .it is not something that can be fudged.  If it is, then it is artificial... then it won't be long lasting.  I think it is quite true that we see the other person who we want them to be and then try so hard to make them to become who we think they could be.  Neglecting seeing her trueself and then we walk into this maze that eventually turn into a trap.   

[christoff522]

I think that this sort of thinking is exactly the same as what the pwBPD does. That magically, a perfect person will just materialise. Real love does take time and it does take work, every day. To believe otherwise is to set yourself up for another r/s disaster down the road. It is about seeing the real person and not the person we wish them to be. If I've learned anything from my BPD r/s its that people can talk the talk about how connected we are but they are just words. I'll judge people by their actions from now on, not a bunch of "soulmate" claptrap.

I honestly, totally, completely agree with this.

A relationship grows from meeting someone, getting to know them over time, and falling in love with WHO THEY ARE. Not over what they pretend to be. If a person starts screaming within a week that you're their everything, that you're the one - you have a crazy.

Now I'm not saying you get some ugly smelly girl and start dating them and fall in love with their personality. I'm saying you 'fancy' someone, you like them, date them, and gradually fall in love. Love is something deeper than infatuation, I wish I'd stuck by this concept when I first heard her say I love you. I was just too flattered. Love is sacrifice, what you're willing to do for that person. It's companionship, the time spent with them. It's sitting with someone at 90 years of age and thinking "wow, I'm glad I married her". It's knowing someone so completely that you can tell what they're thinking just by looking at them.

What we have in a BPD relationship is none of this. No BPD relationship will last to 90 (unless you're 89 when you meet). A BPD doesn't care about your needs, a BPD doesn't wan't to sacrifice for you, a BPD only wants to spend time with you to control you. A BPD resents marriage as YOU controlling them. A BPD doesn't want to wait to fall in love, they do it as soon as they realise you like them, and within weeks or months they've gotten bored.

Love is for grown ups.

[drummerboy]

"Love is for grown ups" I love that line. Sums up everything. In a perfect world BPDs would have a tattoo on their forehead "I'm BPD, do not get into a relationship with me"

I think that this sort of thinking is exactly the same as what the pwBPD does. That magically, a perfect person will just materialise. Real love does take time and it does take work, every day. To believe otherwise is to set yourself up for another r/s disaster down the road. It is about seeing the real person and not the person we wish them to be. If I've learned anything from my BPD r/s its that people can talk the talk about how connected we are but they are just words. I'll judge people by their actions from now on, not a bunch of "soulmate" claptrap.

I honestly, totally, completely agree with this.

A relationship grows from meeting someone, getting to know them over time, and falling in love with WHO THEY ARE. Not over what they pretend to be. If a person starts screaming within a week that you're their everything, that you're the one - you have a crazy.

Now I'm not saying you get some ugly smelly girl and start dating them and fall in love with their personality. I'm saying you 'fancy' someone, you like them, date them, and gradually fall in love. Love is something deeper than infatuation, I wish I'd stuck by this concept when I first heard her say I love you. I was just too flattered. Love is sacrifice, what you're willing to do for that person. It's companionship, the time spent with them. It's sitting with someone at 90 years of age and thinking "wow, I'm glad I married her". It's knowing someone so completely that you can tell what they're thinking just by looking at them.

What we have in a BPD relationship is none of this. No BPD relationship will last to 90 (unless you're 89 when you meet). A BPD doesn't care about your needs, a BPD doesn't wan't to sacrifice for you, a BPD only wants to spend time with you to control you. A BPD resents marriage as YOU controlling them. A BPD doesn't want to wait to fall in love, they do it as soon as they realise you like them, and within weeks or months they've gotten bored.

Love is for grown ups.

[Blimblam]

Love is for all. All is love.

[myself]

No BPD relationship will last to 90 (unless you're 89 when you meet).

Really laughed at this, thanks. One of those sad but trues.

That might be a good time/last time to meet a soul mate, this time.

But even at that age you'd be betting on a long shot if it's BPD.

[peiper]

No BPD relationship will last to 90 (unless you're 89 when you meet).

Really laughed at this, thanks. One of those sad but trues.

That might be a good time/last time to meet a soul mate, this time.

But even at that age you'd be betting on a long shot if it's BPD.

No way am I spending my last year like I spent this last one !

[Infared]

I have a term for my expwBPD: Beelzebub.

Straight up.

[christoff522]

I've been dealing emotionally with the simple disrespect my BPD shows me. Last night she discovered her cross necklace after a year, so I sent her a song about the cross (sweetly broken jeremy riddle), I said 'seeing as you found your necklace listen to this'. Instead of just listening she sends 8 hours later "why what for? X".

I mean... .what the heck, I know its not much, but it just shows how she disregards anything I do, its always gotta be explained, when literally its 3 minutes of her time to listen to 1 song when all she's gonna do today is lie in bed. You literally have to explain to her why I sent the song, and EVEN THEN SHE DOESN'T LISTEN TO IT!

So I basically told her that: she disrespects me, if she'd sent me a song I'd have listened, and I'm not even sure how much effort I'm willing to expend in integrating her into my life.

She's yet to even look at my message or reply. But honestly, this is the 8 months I've known her all over.

How nice if she'd just listened to the song, that would have been lovely.

[Pou]

soulmate is a concept created by the society to keep us conformed.  maybe?   with out such idea to cling on, we will be running around like dogs in heat.  maybe this is the solution to get over N/BPDs.

[Artisan]

Interesting notion, yet the origin of the soulmate concept stretches back to antiquity with the legend that humans were once very powerful, whole beings. We were split in half, into male and female, so that we could not challenge the gods. And that we spend our existence searching for our other half, our soul mate.

[Blimblam]

Interesting notion, yet the origin of the soulmate concept stretches back to antiquity with the legend that humans were once very powerful, whole beings. We were split in half, into male and female, so that we could not challenge the gods. And that we spend our existence searching for our other half, our soul mate.

Yes, the M.agic M.irror.

The magic mirror mirrors myself.

"Every time I look at myself in the mirror. I thought I told you this world is not for you!" -the strokes "reptilia"

" those who have eyes that see and ears that hear."

M.M.