Spoke to my ex today...

[shellbent]

So I had a relatively long conversation with my ex. She is telling me how happt she is and that she is living the best time of her life. On the other hand she doesn't seem to be so happy. Then again, what do I know. Everything she told me goes against the BPD diagnosis. She said she met someone and she is taking it slow. I don't know if it is the truth or not, but somehow she seems to contradict what is visible on her at times.

She also told me it was an unfortunate situation that we work together. Not sure what she meant by that because she doesn't seem to care about me.

Can she just be living through a different phase in life and has herself believe that she isn't feeling bad? Or is it just denying the inevitable.

Or bu was vert BPD like also our rs.

I find it hard to imagine that she is better all of the sudden.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?

[ajr5679]

it seems to me that every time they move on they are happy for a min or two then just start the same ___ over again.

[tim_tom]

lying comes as naturally as breathing to them... .

This is why you don't talk to them, now you probably feel like you are to blame and you cause her to act the way she did. Which is exactly what she wants

[camuse]

Their words are meaningless.  She didn't seem happy? That's the truth. Mine said the same just before I went NC. "Life is good right now." But the messages were full of coldness, sadness and bitterness. She sure didn't sounds happy, and the next day a mutual friend told me shortly after that text exchange that she told her she had never felt worse.

They have to believe it was all your fault, otherwise they made a mess themselves, and they can never admit that - their black/white thinking would mean they would have to then accept everything, and they can't do that. So of course they say they are happy.

Maybe she does feel happy with a new toy to play with. Probably she felt happy while idealising you, in her own way. Happy has different meaning to them. If she does think she is happy right now, great - we all know the clock is ticking... .

You know it's nonsense. But as I say, their words have no meaning or value, so there is no point listening to them. Move on. There are billions of women on this earth - and the vast vast majority of them are sane and genuinely happy.

[shellbent]

Yes, well still curious. She said her last two rs including ours she was very intensely drawn towards. Now from what she is saying in BPD terms she is taking things slowly,  maybe having trouble keeping the new guy interested. Maybe he's using her for sex. So she might tell herself that she wants to give things time and not rush into things. She also tells me that she spends a lot of time by herself now. And that it is actually good sometimes. This is all contrary to what I see. And now her "best friends" are neglecting her again. I want to move on, but so far NC hasn't helped much. I think by talking to her I will realize she isn't what I thought her to be.

Thanks for your comments.

[Bak86]

Yeah my ex told me she is really happy too without me. She looks like a mess

They are never happy and will never be happy