anxious about following thru on boundry.

[H0lding0n]

less days my BTD has stood me up and refused to come over because he was anxious and depressed tonight I made plans with a friend to go out and when he called up this evening and found that I had plans with someone else he had a melt down and broke up with me very angry saying I don't have a clue call me a barfly and rented and generally ranted and raved. he has threatened to file charges for harassment if I call or text again. I feel very anxious and nervous about going out but I'm going to go anyway.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

less days my BTD has stood me up and refused to come over because he was anxious and depressed tonight I made plans with a friend to go out and when he called up this evening and found that I had plans with someone else he had a melt down and broke up with me very angry saying I don't have a clue call me a barfly and rented and generally ranted and raved. he has threatened to file charges for harassment if I call or text again. I feel very anxious and nervous about going out but I'm going to go anyway.

Yes... go on with your life. 

When he makes contact with you again... .don't bring up the bad stuff he said... just go on with things.

Have you thought about a boundary to the rages?

How are you doing on lessons?

[H0lding0n]

If they are in person I leave if by phone I hang up. This was by text.

[waverider]

If they are in person I leave if by phone I hang up. This was by text.

Abusive texts should be ignored, not responded to and deleted so that you dont keep reading it and feeding your anxiety.

Anxiety is normal and to be accepted, but it should not drive your decisions.

[formflier]

If they are in person I leave if by phone I hang up. This was by text.

By text... .just don't respond.  I highly recommend moving r/s issues off text and into an in person kind of communication.

Save text for... .will b 10 min late... . 

Pick up 2 gallons of milk please...

And those kinds of things


I finally got texting out of my r/s... .things are much... .much... .better

[waverider]

When communicating with pwBPD it is the emotion you should be reading not the words. With texts or emails the words dominate, the feelings behind them not so obvious. This results in poor communications.

To add to formfliers list

"talk about it properly when I get home/we next catch up" etc

[formflier]

"talk about it properly when I get home/we next catch up" etc

That's good... .I like that... .

[Wanda]

everyone has good advice yes go on with life, do the things you want to focus on you.    don<t  bring up the  bad he has done most likely he forgot anyway, rages walk away, my husband use to call me and i would listen took awhile before i realized yes i walked away but was listening to him rage on the phone he would then leave many messages which i erased . living with a person who has BPD isn't easy.

[H0lding0n]

Thank you. What I really needed was your affiance that I was making the right steps. It doesn't feel right yet. I waffle between being afraid I'll screw up and lose him and being so frustrated I wasn't too walk away.

Some times texting is the only way to get out what I need to say. He and to talk over me a lot. Now he is saying that I broke up with him and he isn't taking me back until I prove myself.

[waverider]

he isn't taking me back until I prove myself.

Use this as benchmark as to how much he really cares about you.

pwBPD will not let go of something they want, regardless of any grandstanding and power play.

[H0lding0n]

He does love me. I know this. But I feel as though it is punishment. Mostly because he keeps throwing it in my face.