What would happen if you befriended your ex "friend-zoned them"

[Infern0]

Like say if they try to recycle you,  but you say hey let's just be friends.

Just wondering what the reaction would be

[Rifka]

Like say if they try to recycle you,  but you say hey let's just be friends.

Just wondering what the reaction would be

We already know they would take that as your weakness, possibly go for it if they're in between replacements. Then they would suck whatever life you found again and leave you on your knees again for a new toy, which is Already probably being lined up!

Old story same ending!

No contact is for us to protect us from them!

Rifka

[Algae]

Like say if they try to recycle you,  but you say hey let's just be friends.

Just wondering what the reaction would be

We already know they would take that as your weakness, possibly go for it if they're in between replacements. Then they would suck whatever life you found again and leave you on your knees again for a new toy, which is Already probably being lined up!

Old story same ending!

No contact is for us to protect us from them!

Rifka

Idk...

Infer0 has a very legit question.

Heres a scenario  I want to set up.  What would you imagine would happen to the BPD ex?

SCENARIO:

She breaks Months of N/C and apologizes.  Paints her replacement black.  Begs to have me back.  Makes me gifts... Etc.

I stay firm and say everything she did wrong once again, while she just agrees with me just to get me back.

But instead of going back to her... I treat her like any other average joe would treat her.  When she texts me... I'd text back whenever I feel like (or maybe not even at all), or I'll just reply with, "Haha yup".  Instead of dragging on conversations, thus making HER always the first one to text.

All of this making Her have to work for me.  I'd tell her if I was busy talking to another person or a girl and whatnot.

If she shows me things (music, funny pics), I act uninterested or uncaring.  Basically, Id turn into a random person that she would seemingly just of met... even though she really wants me back.

How would she react, trying to get me back, while I didn't act as her slave, or as though I dont really care.

[Blimblam]

Probably she would keep you in her possible rotation keep chatting with you and have other dudes in the rotation also or try to find more reliable supply while making sure she don't lose you.

The problem is you would have to get to a place in yourself where you have detached from any hope for a relationship and depersonalized everything. Actually getting into that space vs bsing yourself is a different story.

[Rifka]

I'm so ready for a healthy relationship.

Sorry my game card was overfilled by my exBPDbf.

There is no time or energy to play head games with somebody mentally Ill as far asim concerned!

Just the thought of this last dialog exhausts my mind.

[peiper]

I'm so ready for a healthy relationship.

Sorry my game card was overfilled by my exBPDbf.

There is no time or energy to play head games with somebody mentally Ill as far asim concerned!

Just the thought of this last dialog exhausts my mind.

I'm with you Rifka !

[Infern0]

Like say if they try to recycle you,  but you say hey let's just be friends.

Just wondering what the reaction would be

We already know they would take that as your weakness, possibly go for it if they're in between replacements. Then they would suck whatever life you found again and leave you on your knees again for a new toy, which is Already probably being lined up!

Old story same ending!

No contact is for us to protect us from them!

Rifka

Idk...

Infer0 has a very legit question.

Heres a scenario  I want to set up.  What would you imagine would happen to the BPD ex?

SCENARIO:

She breaks Months of N/C and apologizes.  Paints her replacement black.  Begs to have me back.  Makes me gifts... Etc.

I stay firm and say everything she did wrong once again, while she just agrees with me just to get me back.

But instead of going back to her... I treat her like any other average joe would treat her.  When she texts me... I'd text back whenever I feel like (or maybe not even at all), or I'll just reply with, "Haha yup".  Instead of dragging on conversations, thus making HER always the first one to text.

All of this making Her have to work for me.  I'd tell her if I was busy talking to another person or a girl and whatnot.

If she shows me things (music, funny pics), I act uninterested or uncaring.  Basically, Id turn into a random person that she would seemingly just of met... even though she really wants me back.

How would she react, trying to get me back, while I didn't act as her slave, or as though I dont really care.

To be honest this is basically exactly what I did when she devalued me and I could tell she was pulling away from me. I couldnt understand why she had suddenly flipped and gone frim being obsessive over me to freezing me almost completley out overnight. I looked for answers online and rather stupidly tried to apply "game" thinking that she was a normal chick who was just losing attraction.

What proceeded was two weeks of her chasing me asking why I was being "mean" erm... .want me to write a list.

All I wanted was an apology for the fact that she had suddenly started treating me like ,  or for her to start putting some effort in again.

After a couple of weeks she just found a replacement,  and when I was like great,  get lost. She STILL kept texting and asking what was wrong.

It seemed like it was never going to end and I was like well she must still be interested if she's this persistant and I tried talking to her about us a bunch of times but all I got was nonsense and lies. 

It was this period that put me over the edge,  she gaslit me so badly I had a nervous breakdown trying to make sense of all the lies,  stories and things she was saying that just made no sense

By the way that "game" and pick up artist stuff is complete nonsense imo. If you have to put on an act and play mind games to keep someone interested in you then it's a meaningless relationship imo

[Blimblam]

My waif ex would use someone else's words to reject me with. This is what gas lot me so hard. Because i couldn't believe that was her and in a way it wasn't this is why when they has light it is so confusing. They find someone else complain to them and use that other persons personality and words against you and it just doesn't make sense.

[Blimblam]

Inferno with the waif it really comes down to the narcisistic supply. If are doesn't have much supply she doesn't have amo and she is just victim mode so you feel sorry for her. If she rallies a group of enablers behind her and devalues you then you will see what she is capable of. I don't think you saw the full potential of her devaluing and this gives you some kind of I must be special mindset. I had that too at first then I saw what she had become under the mentorship of a queen BPD and it's bad really really bad.

The self induced fog is the thickest with a waif.

[vortex of confusion]

When my husband and I started hanging out together almost 18 years ago, he came on rather strong. He would come by my work and school every chance he got. I was coming away from a 2 year relationship with a guy that I had been engaged to and he was coming away from something similar. He got very clingy. I told him that I needed space. I wasn't trying to friend zone him. I was trying to find a healthy balance. You would have thought I mortally wounded him. I still wanted to spend time with him and get to know him, I just didn't want it to be so clingy.

Anyway, after being married for 15 years, he decides he wants to have an open relationship and suggests that we both see other people. After 15 years and four kids, he tells me that maybe our relationship problems are a result of the fact that we never took each other out of the friend zone. Now, I maintain my sanity by keeping him in the friend zone. He is so unbelievably predictable. He was getting ready to go to a HS reunion and was messaging some old female friends. I snooped and it was obvious that he was trying to put out feelers. When he got home, he says that we should get a divorce and tells one of his female friends that it looks like we are heading for a divorce. Two days later, he changes his tune. If he has somebody that he thinks he can hook, we are just friends trying to raise the kids together to give them an in tact family. If he can't get anybody on the hook and is in recovery, then there is hope for us. He can't decide if we are married, just friends, or something else.

[Blimblam]

When my husband and I started hanging out together almost 18 years ago, he came on rather strong. He would come by my work and school every chance he got. I was coming away from a 2 year relationship with a guy that I had been engaged to and he was coming away from something similar. He got very clingy. I told him that I needed space. I wasn't trying to friend zone him. I was trying to find a healthy balance. You would have thought I mortally wounded him. I still wanted to spend time with him and get to know him, I just didn't want it to be so clingy.

Anyway, after being married for 15 years, he decides he wants to have an open relationship and suggests that we both see other people. After 15 years and four kids, he tells me that maybe our relationship problems are a result of the fact that we never took each other out of the friend zone. Now, I maintain my sanity by keeping him in the friend zone. He is so unbelievably predictable. He was getting ready to go to a HS reunion and was messaging some old female friends. I snooped and it was obvious that he was trying to put out feelers. When he got home, he says that we should get a divorce and tells one of his female friends that it looks like we are heading for a divorce. Two days later, he changes his tune. If he has somebody that he thinks he can hook, we are just friends trying to raise the kids together to give them an in tact family. If he can't get anybody on the hook and is in recovery, then there is hope for us. He can't decide if we are married, just friends, or something else.

Yup and this is how it really is.

I'm sorry your going through that.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

My ex virtually begged for another chance and used her kids to persuade me to agree.  She should have known it was her very last chance.  I agreed to meet but we would have to start off as friends, since she cheated on me - and from there we perhaps could build up a lasting relationship.  Fantasy thinking on my behalf of course.  Anyway after she agreed to meet up on my conditions and suggesting a date on her request via text - there were two days of silence during which she most likely hooked back up with my replacement.  Then the response was that she had changed her mind because I never was a good friend.  That was a feeble attempt at bait and dump on her behalf.  I couldn't be bothered to respond to such a feeble minded and petty slur.  She hasn't heard from me since and she never will.

[Chunk Palumbo]

Seeing as this happened to me, I'll give you succinct results of the instances I did it:

We were friends initially, both in relationships. When she broke up with her BF, she got closer to me. Experience told me she had too many red flags, and I rejected her out right. Result: she cried and couldn't believe I was being "so cold". But she didn't give up. Eventually, I started caring for her.

The second time, she was with my replacement, but came back to me anyway. I rejected her advances, but it didn't end well. A friendly meet-and-talk turned intimate.

And last time was complicated. I found that despite claiming to want a platonic relationship with me, she'd over step the boundary so I could join her there. When I would, she'd try to friendzone. However, if I resisted the bait, she'd push further and further with the inappropriate language/behavior, then deny it if called on it.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Seeing as this happened to me, I'll give you succinct results of the instances I did it:

And last time was complicated. I found that despite claiming to want a platonic relationship with me, she'd over step the boundary so I could join her there. When I would, she'd try to friendzone. However, if I resisted the bait, she'd push further and further with the inappropriate language/behavior, then deny it if called on it.

That last scenario... just wow. I think ive heard it all with BPD and nope they always seem to find another way to never cease to amaze. Sorry you had to go through that mate.

[Chunk Palumbo]

Seeing as this happened to me, I'll give you succinct results of the instances I did it:

And last time was complicated. I found that despite claiming to want a platonic relationship with me, she'd over step the boundary so I could join her there. When I would, she'd try to friendzone. However, if I resisted the bait, she'd push further and further with the inappropriate language/behavior, then deny it if called on it.

That last scenario... just wow. I think ive heard it all with BPD and nope they always seem to find another way to never cease to amaze. Sorry you had to go through that mate.

Yeah, it was Hades being in love and caring about her from essentially her late teens into her late twenties. It never changed.

One of the worst realizations was coming to terms with the reality that, like a certain percentage of the population I'd already known about, she was desperate for me to treat her badly. Almost as if she subconciously thought "I care about him so much. If only he could just allow himself to be evil to me". It sounds crazy, but I honesty got that vibe when I started to experiment with my reactions to her.

I'd be neutral, and she'd get frustrated. I'd be nice and she'd eventually take advantage. But when I'd turn on her and call her the C-word, or become emotionless/bossy - especially when she'd play games or start an argument - she'd swoon all over me and become clingy. It happened many times. I hated it.

A tiny example would be late in our relationship. We'd Skype. Often times, she'd leave post or mid-convo. Often time I'd do the same. If we fought, and I was an a-hole, she'd beg me to say goodbye before she leaves, then text me afterwards. If we fought, but I was being reasonable, she'd just leave and give me the silent treatment.

[FoolishMan]

Like say if they try to recycle you,  but you say hey let's just be friends.

Just wondering what the reaction would be

Do you mean my ex of your ex? They might fall into patterns but they are all different people. I think this post should be in undecided instead of leaving. If you've left and are serious about detachment, why do you care what friendzoning would do to her?

[going places]

Like say if they try to recycle you,  but you say hey let's just be friends.

Just wondering what the reaction would be

That depends on what your definition of "friend" is.

Because my definition of friend and the person that my ex husband is?

Those two things are like oil and water.

He does not have the capacity to be 'a friend'.

So, in my opinion, no, there is no 'let's be friends'.

[lemon flower]

very good question, you can try it but it is not easy, as a matter of fact I am trying this allready one year, with varying success, sometimes it works quite well, and then we both enjoy a relatively quiet time together as friends, but he will never be able to approach me in a non-intimate way, and he will always try to cross the line... .

I can live with it, for now, but it often feels like dancing through a minefield, not exactly what I wished for, but to take or to leave I guess... .

[Algae]

very good question, you can try it but it is not easy, as a matter of fact I am trying this allready one year, with varying success, sometimes it works quite well, and then we both enjoy a relatively quiet time together as friends, but he will never be able to approach me in a non-intimate way, and he will always try to cross the line... .

I can live with it, for now, but it often feels like dancing through a minefield, not exactly what I wished for, but to take or to leave I guess... .

But if they're crossing the line, then are they doing it whilst having a replacement?  Or are they really trying?  (By really trying I mean, Staying single and will only settle for you; knowing they messed up and lost something)

[clydegriffith]

Probably she would keep you in her possible rotation keep chatting with you and have other dudes in the rotation also or try to find more reliable supply while making sure she don't lose you.

The problem is you would have to get to a place in yourself where you have detached from any hope for a relationship and depersonalized everything. Actually getting into that space vs bsing yourself is a different story.

This may be the greatest post i've seen on here. Well done, sir.

[lemon flower]

very good question, you can try it but it is not easy, as a matter of fact I am trying this allready one year, with varying success, sometimes it works quite well, and then we both enjoy a relatively quiet time together as friends, but he will never be able to approach me in a non-intimate way, and he will always try to cross the line... .

I can live with it, for now, but it often feels like dancing through a minefield, not exactly what I wished for, but to take or to leave I guess... .

But if they're crossing the line, then are they doing it whilst having a replacement?  Or are they really trying?  (By really trying I mean, Staying single and will only settle for you; knowing they messed up and lost something)

my friend doesn't have a replacement yet. he says he doesn't want me back one day and changes his mind the next... .but in general he knows he will not get me back, he stays for the company, to have someone to hug, and to proove himself towards me I guess