BPD & Booze

[Artisan]

How many of you xperienced more fights and nonsense when booze was involved?

In retrospect, pretty much all the crazy times were after a little bit of drinking (seriously, a beer or two ... .)

The other major trigger would be lack of sleep ... .exhaustion.

[Bak86]

Stress/lack of sleep was more of a trigger.

She couldn't handle booze very well, because she's skinny(i suspect an eating disorder), but i never had her rage differently than without alcohol. Weird thing is that she told me she was sober for a year, but wouldn't tell me why she did that. She probably did something bad.

[clydegriffith]

The bpx wasn't much of a drinker but one of the worst episodes came after a night out with a few drinks.

She was enraged because she thought i was looking at another girl and ended up punching me in the face causing a bloody nice and kicking my windshiled so hard with her heel that that it craked and i had to get it replaced.

I should have and wanted to be done with her after that but the combination of her face change, what seemed to be sincere apologies, strong sexual advances and dangling the fact that if we broke up i wouldnt see my kid made me forgive her. Stupid Stupid Stupid.

[clydegriffith]

The bpx wasn't much of a drinker but one of the worst episodes came after a night out with a few drinks.

She was enraged because she thought i was looking at another girl and ended up punching me in the face causing a bloody nice and kicking my windshiled so hard with her heel that that it craked and i had to get it replaced. While i was driving home i might add. She then threatened to jump out of the car and my friends who were in the back seat had to physically restrain her.

I should have and wanted to be done with her after that but the combination of her face change, what seemed to be sincere apologies, strong sexual advances and dangling the fact that if we broke up i wouldnt see my kid made me forgive her. Stupid Stupid Stupid.

[kc sunshine]

My exBPD would get much worse after just one or two drinks. She told me once, in a moment of self-reflection, that it gave her license to "be bad." I guess she probably had to work pretty hard to keep it all together, and a drink was her signal to herself that she could let go. For me it was a huge    but I thought for a while that if she could not drink things would be better (even though she warned me it wouldn't). Sure enough it wasn't.

[SickofMe]

*I* acted worse in the relationship when booze was involved!

In my meager defense, it was because it's the only time I had the nerve to confront him.  I still don't understand how, really, but somehow I sensed that I wasn't allowed to say anything that might even begin to sound critical or confrontational.  If I go into another relationship, THAT is what I have to watch in myself.  If, for some reason,  I don't feel safe expressing myself--      .

In this case, I was right (which is still no excuse for my being such a doormat):  when I did finally confront him (and pretty gently, I'd add) about lying to me, he ended things with me and was like an ice statue about it.

I don't think I was involved with a full-blown BPD, just "traits," because we really didn't fight. This may sound crazy, but I think that is a red flag in and of itself... .who can have a serious relationship without any conflict?  If that's happening, either the relationship is fake/shallow (now I think that must be the case for mine) or one person is doing all the compromising (oh, that, too... .)

By the end of the r/s, I was drinking too much, regularly.  Oddly--I don't even think about drinking now.

[Tom P]

Mine was a very heavy drinker. She took pride in her ability to drink others under the table. She could never seem to grasp the fact that yes,she could drink a lot and not fall over or start puking, but could she hold her drink? Hell no! she would become aggresive,abusive or over the top excitable and talkative. To begin with she got very loving and affectionate when she would drink (something she really didnt do when she was sober). But that rapidly changed, and i lost count of the amount of times she would start being snide or want to start arguments (throwing my engagement ring back in my face was a favourite of hers)

Pretty much all her suicide/self harm attempts where when she was wasted. only once,maybe twice, do i remember her self harming while sober. She could ever accept that. And told me before i finally went NC that her DBT therapist sees nothing wrong with her drinking (good lord if they had spoken to me they would have got a very different picture)

Thats pretty much all she does now from what i can gather,drinks and drinks some more.She has no drive to do anything else. And spends her days either in the pub or supping cans at home.I told her when we broke up she was choosing the drink over me. BPD is a horrible condition,and no matter what i feel some small sliver of sympathy for those who suffer from it,but i can never understand the mindframe of someone,who whilst suffering from a condition that makes them self destructive and unpredictable, yet chooses to add fuel to the fire by consuming a drug that makes them even more so

[kc sunshine]

but i can never understand the mindframe of someone,who whilst suffering from a condition that makes them self destructive and unpredictable, yet chooses to add fuel to the fire by consuming a drug that makes them even more so

Yes, that's what I used to tell my ex! That BPD was a tough one to overcome (but doable) but the drinking was a low hanging fruit that she could address relatively easily (especially since she wasn't THAT heavy of a drinker). She wouldn't/couldn't stop though  and it made me feel like such a nag. Towards the end, seeing a drink in her hand or an empty glass of wine on her table eventually got to be a PTSD trigger for me (or maybe that is saying it a little too strongly-- an anxiety trigger perhaps?) and I'd want to leave the situation immediately.

[willtimeheal]

Thats pretty much all she does now from what i can gather,drinks and drinks some more.She has no drive to do anything else. And spends her days either in the pub or supping cans at home.I told her when we broke up she was choosing the drink over me. BPD is a horrible condition,and no matter what i feel some small sliver of sympathy for those who suffer from it,but i can never understand the mindframe of someone,who whilst suffering from a condition that makes them self destructive and unpredictable, yet chooses to add fuel to the fire by consuming a drug that makes them even more so

My exBPDgf chose booze over me. She is a full blown alcoholic. Once she starts drinking she can't stop.  But she believes she does not have a problem.

Tom P... .I also told my ex that she picked booze over me.

She would tell me it was the only way she could relax. She was not a fun drunk either. She was a pain. It was constant babysitting until she got mean. She recently got another dwi but of course she denies she did anything wrong. The police have it in for her.

[camuse]

Mine wasn't a big drinker, but after drinking, the rage and sometimes violence came out. I thought early on that it might be the drink to blame. I said this, and she said "I just say and do what I feel when I'm drunk." So I banned her from drinking around me, but slowly she started again. I think the drink simply makes it harder to control their feelings.

Drink can actually be a good way to see what a person is really like - a happy, relaxed person will normally be fine even when drunk. Someone who becomes angry, depressed, violent etc when drunk is someone with underlying issues.

[Startattoo2]

My EX BPD(I think) was a big drinker.

Most nights and once or twice even for breakfast. I asked her to slow it down a bit for my sake and she said she would, it was a 'focus' for a while, but the lure was too tempting.

She got aggressive if she had tons, but only once to me. She was generally very vocal and got quite passionate about certain topics, just to cause argument I think.

She said it was the only way to calm her over active mind down, and I think she depended on it like a suppressant for that. It did make her sleepy and if she did not drink she could not sleep so well usually.

I once drank her breakfast wine, and it caused a massive upset.

We never really argued about each other, just topics. She was never horrible, but I was second best to the drink.

[sirius]

My exgf would turn out to be happy with booze, she will be very nice and chatty

[Infared]

Quote: "I feel the happiest and the most carefree when I am drinking. When I drink I feel the best about myself and life".  (No perspective was added to the comment. It was said like a 7-yr.-old  saying "I really like candy!".

[rollercoaster24]

Huh, my EXBP was always ranting about alcohol, or joking about it to 'other blokes', (usually the Police at a roadside checkpoint).

When he was joking about it, he would always make out that he would love to be 'drinking beer by the sea' with his mates, but he couldn't afford it.

He also apparently had no mates, so what the? 

On the other hand, EXBP would become enraged if anybody else was drinking around us, either strangers or those known by us, and low and behold if I had a drink or two? God I would never hear the end of it.

After our last recycle ended in March this year, and we have not recycled again, I found out that all along, (as I had suspected) BP had infact been drinking in secret. So my instincts were correct after all.

Given his skinniness, I would not be surprised if he was/is abusing meth as well, that was another instinct I had.