HELP My ex BPD keeps contacting me

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello everyone!

My ex BPD bf is reaching out to me very consistently all of a sudden! First it was through WhatsApp asking to meet to get some "closure" - he broke up with ME! After 4 years of living together and wanting to move to a house and have a baby! Dumb a-hole!

THen after blocking him, he EMAILED! Because he wanted "to talk"! 

I didn't reply.

Then,a few days later, he called me 3x in a row from a pay phone at 1am! He was probably drunk or something! 

Then just a few days ago, he called me from his job but didn't even leave a message?   

The thing is, now I'm getting weak because I know he doesn't have anyone. His family and him aren't close and his friends are losers, they're junkies or just drink and party. So I know I was his only safety net.

I don't know what to do:? I'm getting weak. Idk if he's goin to do the push and pull thing again or if he really needs me?

So hurt still and incredibly confused!

Please help me anyone that may have more info on this matter or that's been in a similar situation.

Thank you a million!

[Mermaid lover]

Hello everyone!

My ex BPD bf is reaching out to me very consistently all of a sudden! First it was through WhatsApp asking to meet to get some "closure" - he broke up with ME! After 4 years of living together and wanting to move to a house and have a baby! Dumb a-hole!

THen after blocking him, he EMAILED! Because he wanted "to talk"! 

I didn't reply.

Then,a few days later, he called me 3x in a row from a pay phone at 1am! He was probably drunk or something! 

Then just a few days ago, he called me from his job but didn't even leave a message?   

The thing is, now I'm getting weak because I know he doesn't have anyone. His family and him aren't close and his friends are losers, they're junkies or just drink and party. So I know I was his only safety net.

I don't know what to do:? I'm getting weak. Idk if he's goin to do the push and pull thing again or if he really needs me?

So hurt still and incredibly confused!

Please help me anyone that may have more info on this matter or that's been in a similar situation.

Thank you a million!

[DazedAndConfusedinNC]

Hello everyone!

My ex BPD bf is reaching out to me very consistently all of a sudden! First it was through WhatsApp asking to meet to get some "closure" - he broke up with ME! After 4 years of living together and wanting to move to a house and have a baby! Dumb a-hole!

THen after blocking him, he EMAILED! Because he wanted "to talk"! 

I didn't reply.

Then,a few days later, he called me 3x in a row from a pay phone at 1am! He was probably drunk or something! 

Then just a few days ago, he called me from his job but didn't even leave a message?   

The thing is, now I'm getting weak because I know he doesn't have anyone. His family and him aren't close and his friends are losers, they're junkies or just drink and party. So I know I was his only safety net.

I don't know what to do:? I'm getting weak. Idk if he's goin to do the push and pull thing again or if he really needs me?

So hurt still and incredibly confused!

Please help me anyone that may have more info on this matter or that's been in a similar situation.

Thank you a million!

I know I'm a newbie, but I'll tell you what my friends have to tell me almost every day still; you're better off without him (her in my case.)  Is he really worth everything you went through or is there someone out there better for you that you can have a healthy relationship with?

You know the answers. You just need support.

[Mermaid lover]

You're so right, I do know the answers. My logic says so let him go. I deserve better. But my heart loves him to pieces. I wish I could change him. I wish things could just go back the way they used to be- the good times, anyhow.

I guess I'm still in shock and can't believe things wound up the way they did. I can't believe all of this went down. I can't accept that this is our fate. I'm just still in disbelief and am completely traumatized and so so heartbroken.

Thank you u so much DazedandConfused- that's exactly how I feel  :'(

[DazedAndConfusedinNC]

You're so right, I do know the answers. My logic says so let him go. I deserve better. But my heart loves him to pieces. I wish I could change him. I wish things could just go back the way they used to be- the good times, anyhow.

I guess I'm still in shock and can't believe things wound up the way they did. I can't believe all of this went down. I can't accept that this is our fate. I'm just still in disbelief and am completely traumatized and so so heartbroken.

Thank you u so much DazedandConfused- that's exactly how I feel  :'(

I completely understand how you feel. Mine just tore my heart out 4 weeks ago and even with everything she did, chatting with other guys, meeting up with other guys (maybe more,) using me, damaging my friends and more, I still have a strong draw and strong feelings for her.

I've started looking at the past 2.5 years and remembering all the bad to balance my idealized view. I've found that it's helping me, even a little, to find balance. She wasn't quite the angel I thought she was. Thinking of the bad things that happened and the damage done may hurt, but it'll help.

[JB8888]

Mine is tap tap tapping at me via text since I ran into her last week and endured a very shallow conversation. Seems she thinks we're friends again, but I was being polite and courteous and am never letting her close. She is now trying to engage via messages involving my work and trying to connect on that level. I give her one line answers but essentially the bottom line is this... .she's using me for supply. And I would imagine your ex is out of supply hence why he has no shame in trying any means to get some from you. He is not coming for you because he understands anything or has changed. He's coming for you because he needs something. Whereas you would no doubt engage because you wanted to share something and have genuine love for him.

He doesn't think like you, and if he's alone that is because he doesn't manage his relationships or keep his side of the street clean. My ex is the same, and it is the biggest empathy puller for me. I feel so sad for her and my instinct is to rush up and stop the spinning record. But done it for 5 years, she takes, she gets balance and then she pushes me to curb for something "better".

They use... .and you deserve so much more. Unless you like drama and emotional turmoil I'd suggest you ignore him. He'll find supply somewhere else in no time and do the same to them.

[Mermaid lover]

Thank you so much for your input JB. It gets me a little sick to know that I became "supply" when we were planning marriage just a week or two prior to him breaking things off.

And mow after several painful weeks of no contact, he has the balls to come back around just to get some attention.

You're right they don't think the way we do but that still doesn't stop me for having the urge to kick them in the head. 

I'm sorry you endured 5 years of madness. I'm doing everything in my power not to go back-even though my heart wants to. I too feel incredibly sorry for him bcuz its so easy to and in actuality that's what started the relationship. He has no family and horrible "friends". So I know he feels my absence but then I have to remind myself that it was him that abandoned the relationship not me. So that helps to keep me moving forward... .as hard as it is.

Thank you again  heart-smile

[btbh]

He probably just wants to keep you in his possible rotation and keep talking too you and have other girls on the side in the rotation as well, trying to find a more reliable supply and at the same time making sure he doesnt lose you.

Our exs know we love them or have a soft spot so they use that and manipulate it whenever it benefits them. I just experienced it with my ex and once she found a potential replacement, she dropped me and went right to him. And this was when just 3 days prior she told me she loves me and dont leave her 

Be strong, come here for advice and read other peoples stories which you can relate to. Its always funny how so many of them are alike and do the same patterns. My advice, keep no contact as much as you want to reach out to him till you are in a more sound place emotionally and able to detach quick if he hurts you again after re engaging.

[Mr Hollande]

I know he doesn't have anyone. His family and him aren't close and his friends are losers, they're junkies or just drink and party. So I know I was his only safety net.

My opinion? Good! Let him sink in his sea of sh#t so he may experience the consequence of having wasted the one person who cared about him. That's what should happen to people who betray and abuse those who have been loyal and supportive to them. AKA life is hard.

[Louise7777]

Im with Mr Hollande on this. Actually Im quite happy to read such words. Thats exactly how I think and when I verbalize it, Im invalidated and acused of being "mean". Probably the acuser is an abuser himself/herself or is in the fog... .

Mermaid lover, just stay away from him. You were lucky he broke up with you, some people stay in such r/s for decades. As Mr Hollande said, he should face the consequences of his behaviour.

[Loosestrife]

I was in a similar situation and got sucked back in thinking I could support but I quickly realise  I was just the toxic trigger and once it's soured there is no going back. You're better off walking away. I agree with the other posts-moire is hard but people can't be helped until they help themselves.

[Mermaid lover]

My opinion? Good! Let him sink in his sea of sh#t so he may experience the consequence of having wasted the one person who cared about him. That's what should happen to people who betray and abuse those who have been loyal and supportive to them. [/quote]
Oh God Mr. Hollande I first laughed then cried when I read your post.

Laughed because you're right and that's exactly something I would say when I give advice. And then cried because again you're just so right. That fkn ass threw me away like I was used piece of Kleenex after I had given him 4 years of my life.

LIke an idiot, I gave him all the love and attention and sacrificed my wants just to make him happy... .bcuz I loved him. I loved to make him happy. All for what? So one day he could find another "interest" and flip my world around. Its so incredibly painful and I'm destroyed over it.

I move forward and one word from him sets me back. I'm back to being this blubbering mess. Ive never been in this much pain and I only hope he goes through this with my absence. But something tells me he won't ever really feel what I am still going through.

I pray my suffering will come to an end sooner than later. Because none of this is fair. Not any of it.

[Mermaid lover]

I was in a similar situation and got sucked back in thinking I could support but I quickly realise  I was just the toxic trigger and once it's soured there is no going back.

What does a toxic trigger mean?

[Loosestrife]

https://bpdfamily.com/portfolio-broken

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

I know he doesn't have anyone. His family and him aren't close and his friends are losers, they're junkies or just drink and party. So I know I was his only safety net.

My opinion? Good! Let him sink in his sea of sh#t so he may experience the consequence of having wasted the one person who cared about him. That's what should happen to people who betray and abuse those who have been loyal and supportive to them. AKA life is hard.

this helped me too! mermaid i am one of the few who really care and love my ex too... .yet he discarded me with a smile on his face **** him!

[myself]

My ex wants me to say that I don't hate her.

As if my love for her just flipped a switch like hers does.

I understand that she wants to be let off the hook.

I feel for her, but she made her choices. She haunts herself.

It's been a long road so far, for me, moving on from this.

I don't respond, but it makes me want to ask her,

"What do YOU think I'd hate you for? Why do you feel so ashamed?"

The best thing she could do is tell the truth and learn her lessons.

Her disordered ways probably won't let her. They haven't yet.

[Mr Hollande]

That fkn ass threw me away like I was used piece of Kleenex after I had given him 4 years of my life.

LIke an idiot, I gave him all the love and attention and sacrificed my wants just to make him happy... .bcuz I loved him. I loved to make him happy. All for what? So one day he could find another "interest" and flip my world around. Its so incredibly painful and I'm destroyed over it.

Your story is my story. Down to him laughing when he dumped you. He has treated you in the most appalling way. It's unforgiveable. He'll do it to the next person that comes along. He has more than likely done it to the one who was there before you. Unforgiveable!

I pray my suffering will come to an end sooner than later. Because none of this is fair. Not any of it.

You are right. You didn't deserve that. Not at all. But you at least have the ability to recover from the hurt he inflicted on you. He will always remain a sick assh#le who hurts the ones who love him. That's all he will ever be good for. There is hope for you. There is none for him. Keep walking.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

I thought my ex had finally got the messages.  I have been NC for over 6 weeks and hadn't heard from her in two weeks - a record.  But she txted last night - just wanting a response it seems.  I deleted the text and carried on.  I think she must be recycling back and forth with my replacement.  I would feel sorry for him but he dated my lady while we were still together - so he a loser just like she is.

[DazedAndConfusedinNC]

I thought my ex had finally got the messages.  I have been NC for over 6 weeks and hadn't heard from her in two weeks - a record.  But she txted last night - just wanting a response it seems.  I deleted the text and carried on.  I think she must be recycling back and forth with my replacement.  I would feel sorry for him but he dated my lady while we were still together - so he a loser just like she is.

I'm right there with you brother. Same deal; they "dated" while she was still in my house, in my bed and talking marriage still. People keeping saying I dodged a bullet. It sounds like we all have.

[Mr Hollande]

More like buckshot with a wide enough spread to wound me pretty good.