Romantic partner being replaced with a platonic friend - enough supply for them?

[misty_red]

I’m just wondering… My exBPDgf’s replacement is a gay guy (he really is, no lie). She even told me it’s good he’s gay so she is „save“ because she never wants to have a relationship again anyway and that she’s through with these things (Yeah, right, because I was such a bad partner and didn’t try to give her everything I had…). Seems she at least understood that she isn’t able to have a real relationship – but that means that she to some degree knows that something’s wrong with her, she even admitted that once. Yet she still blamed me for EVERYTHING that happened. One weird thing also: since she's met him she didn't want to be friends with benefits with me anymore because she didn't want to be double-tracked. Does it mean she has romantic feelings for him? Wow, how could that ever work out as supply if he's gay? Is she really that desperate?

Can a partner they have been romantically involved with be replaced with a friend? Like a turn from romantically to platonically? Is this enough supply for them? Or is it still some kind of romantic supply for her even if she's just longing for it and not really getting it from him? So weird.

[clydegriffith]

You do present a good question because the BPD typically uses sex to turn their victims into doormats. However, it's very possible she could be trying to use the gay friend as a doormat and just hooking up with other guys for sex. Never underestimate how easy it is for a woman to get laid. If she wants it she will get it.

[fred6]

You do present a good question because the BPD typically uses sex to turn their victims into doormats. However, it's very possible she could be trying to use the gay friend as a doormat and just hooking up with other guys for sex. Never underestimate how easy it is for a woman to get laid. If she wants it she will get it.

At first my ex didn't know that I knew that she was cheating on me. So when she was splitting from me she said, "I have to fix myself, I can't be and don't want to be in a relationship right now. Maybe never".

So a month later when I confronted her with her cheating with Rocky. She said, "We're not in a relationship, he's just a friend". To which I replied, "you mean a friend with benefits or a fcukbuddy"?  She walked away silent.

I find it odd that my ex totally gave up a relationship/friendship/sex with me for "just a friend". But the way she tells it, her friend with benefits has nothing to do with our breakup. That seems awful convenient, doesn't it?

In another twist, she always claimed that due to past rape by a boyfriend that, "sex means nothing to her". In that case, how does a person that doesn't like sex give up a relationship by cheating? Lies upon lies upon lies... .

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Oooh yes. yes they can... .my first ex BPD she was female...

moved her best friend and two kids in with her... we were supposed

to be working it out... but she was basically neglecting me

and taking care of her crazy friend and crazy kids.

when i called her on it she would say "you just want attention

she actually needs help" uuhh yes... .we were supposed to be together so yes

i wanted attention. all her focus was on this other person.

but she hated her and complained about her constantly.

it got to a point that i was wonderibg if they were sleeping together... .

But they were basically a couple without the sex.

i was totally neglected. she had her supply elsewhere.

i have never seen anything like it again it was so friggin bizarre!

[Tom P]

Preaching to the converted here. This has happened to me. My ex became very attached to her gay best mate the minute she moved into her own flat. Despite the fact he hadnt really bothered with her in over a year, the minute she moved (and it wasnt so far to walk to see her,he's a very lazy individual) i found myself being pushed out of the dynamic bit by bit. She could never except my feelings about being pushed out, But all her spare time was spent with him,and it built up to many arguments between us (its not asking too much really to spend a bit of time with your parter is it?) He is a heavy drinker,and kept actively encouraging her to join him at the pub (something which he knew i wasnt happy with,as i was trying to get her to quit the drink for her own wellbeing)Me and the friend used to also be good friends,but i stopped contact with him when i started seeing he was believing her lies (he saw how much i supported her,how many times i helped her out and yet still believed every word she said) As he has never had a long term relationship.

, In  many ways its perfect for her. She developed issues with sex a while before we split (we hadnt slept together in six months when we broke up) now she has her "perfect relationship" so to speak,he validates her every word and action (even when she is outright lying) gives her all the hugs and support she needs, she never has to feel bad about not sleeping with him.Hell they even go on "date nights" together. Every time i see them together it still turns my stomach,even more than when i see her on her own

[thisyoungdad]

Wow I can so relate to reading through these posts. My ex wife hasn't had any romantic relationships in 2 years since she left me but she has had some very "intimate" emotional relationships. In fact there is a married woman who my ex basically replaced me with, or choose over me, who I don't believe she is sleeping with but for every other purpose they are in a relationship just probably without the sex. Although maybe they are sleeping together too. I still struggle with how it gets under my skin because this woman also has BPD, as does her mom so she has made it no secret she has it (I don't get it, you know you have it and yet instead of doing anything just continue to live in the dysfunction?) and so anyway reading through this was validating. I thought maybe I was reading too much into things when I have felt like she has a relationship with this woman, because they aren't to my knowledge having sex. But I guess it really isn't any different than a sexless marriage or whatever.

I was at my ex wife's house the other day and this other woman stopped by for a minute and the way she was talking about things like "oh my cat... .I love you and miss you (as she picked the cat up)" and other comments of similar ownership over things that she has inserted herself into that she has no business in, made me want to vomit. I wanted to say "listen lady, that is MY cat that I still pay for but my ex happens to have not your F-ing cat so put her down" but I just sat there trying hard to block her out of my mind, thank god for smart phones! This woman got me out of the picture by planting lies and making me look horrible to my ex wife and then she swooped in and has replaced me. So anyway as I sat there watching this interaction I thought, as I often do about them, that it is so sad because this other woman doesn't really care about my ex wife she is using her, my ex wife is her doormat and she can not see it or acknowledge it if she does see it. Such a sick, sick situation. And my daughter has to be exposed to it, that part really irks me.

It really is all about the attachment and because this other woman also has BPD it is the perfect match for them, as someone told me once "water rises to its own level" and that certainly is true for them... .and it will work until it won't anymore. I know that at some point it is going to really explode and I honestly part of me doesn't want to see that day because it isn't likely to be very pretty. My ex still has her in the place of thinking she can do no wrong though and that can't possibly last. At the same time though it might be selfish of me but another part of me looks forward to the day that it explodes because not only did I have to deal with my ex who has BPD I had to deal with this other woman and all the craziness I got put through with her too and since I am tied to my ex wife because of kids I have to see this woman and interact with her, although I do my very best to limit it. Sorry for the rant, this just felt so validating to me and gave me a lot to think about.