Domestic Violence

[clydegriffith]

So when the BPDx falsely accused me of beating her, going so far as to give herself a black eye on one ocassion, i got a first hand look at our "justice" system at work. It's basically innocent until proven guilty. Although i came out of my terrible ordeal without a criminal record and never going to jail, i can very easily see how someone else may not be as lucky.

Anyhow, even after she had me arrested a bunch of times, i stupidly got back with her because i we have a child together and fooled myself into thinking things could work out. Now, as i look back on it, the police and the therapists involved, kept saying she has "batterd women syndrome" because she kept going back to her "abuser". That is really really funny. If anyone needed protection it was me.

As far as stupidity goes, domestic violence laws are right up there with those for drunk driving. Neither make much sense and walk all over the constitution.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Thank you clyde for posting this,

I too was arrested because of my BPDexs disregulated episodes. She basically broke up with me while living in my parents house with me then proceeded to bait and trigger me till things escalated. Needless to say I calmed down and just tried to talk to her. This only seemed to fuel her rage. She then started flailing about at me so took her firmly by the arm to sit her on the bed and talk to her. Needless to say the cops got called and before I knew it I was in handcuffs asking myself what ___ just happened. So I spend a week in jail and she even tries to drop the charges but the state already took over. So I get charged with domestic after a fast talking public pretender gets me to agree to a deal. Its an L4 which is the worst misdemeanor you can get which I was NEVER explained. So basically with most jobs I might as well have a felony. The joke of it all is I literally got off probation a year early and never had to go to any of the anger management classes because the director of the program couldn't even understand why I was there and neither could my PO.

Stupidly I took her back. She talked her way out of it while idealizing and somehow the relationship went on for over another year. All the while when it was fresh to rub salt in my wounds shed use the "don't make me call youre PO" as a way to control my reactions if something I did was anything less than what she wanted to hear. With all her past demons that controlled the dark side of her you might as well have called her "Legion".  

So long story short even though she physically assaulted me and mentally abused me throughout the relationship im the abuser in the systems eyes. Typical feminazi agenda that has conditioned our culture to make men out to be monsters while women are all sugar spice and everything nice. Yet were supposed to have equal rights? Can someone say double standards?

[inthenow]

yup I got baited and totally ended up being made out as the abuser.

My personal way of dealing with it is to just treat is as a small price to pay for a big life-lesson.

I won't ever make that mistake again, and I suspect neither will you.

Remember, she's not happy, she hasn't 'won' anything, and there's nothing at all you can ever do to fix or help her.

Anger comes because things need to change. My anger actually protected me, even though I picked up some cautions at the end of the day my self-esteem is intact and I'm grateful I didn't just let the abuse continue. I can see why her ex husband was a hollow shell of a man with no backbone who just went along with whatever she was upto - no matter how destructive,- it's either do that or break free. I thoroughly recommend the latter!

I tried to talk to her, to try and pick through what was going on and why it was all so silly and stupid and in the end she was at least 50% responsible for escalating the situation. She recorded the conversation and has used it to bully and hurt me ever since,- even put it on youtube with links to my friends and family!

[irishmarmot]

Like yourself,  I got caught in the system also.  I have an active restraining order on me.  I was falsely accused of assault but was fortunate enough to not get arrested or charged.  I consider myself lucky.  The judicial system is flawed when it comes to domestic violence.  And a lot of innocent mens lives are ruined in the process.   The type of BPD that does this is only i believe 1%.  They are the dangerous ones.  They will use anything against you.   Including wire tapping and the courts don't care that its illegal and will never charge them.

[clydegriffith]

The courts really don't care. I recorded a conversatoin with her where she admitted to giving herself the black eye and saying she's sorry. I handed that to my attorney, he said it wasn't even worth giving it to the DA because the first thing they are going to say is "he's not supposed to be talking to her, there's a restraining order'. For those not familar with DV laws, a restraining order is automically issued after an arrest. Once you've been arrested the individual who made the allegations can not just "drop the charges" and the state will prosecute you regardless of what the evidence (or lack thereof) shows. Once an arrest is made they only care about a conviction.

[Rise]

So long story short even though she physically assaulted me and mentally abused me throughout the relationship im the abuser in the systems eyes. Typical feminazi agenda that has conditioned our culture to make men out to be monsters while women are all sugar spice and everything nice. Yet were supposed to have equal rights? Can someone say double standards?

I'm not saying you're completely wrong, but I do wonder, what would have happened if you had called the police on her instead?

[irishmarmot]

I agree clydegriffith once the RO is in place it is  no longer about her.   It is now you against the court.  And i respect the court.  It has been almost a year with NC and that has helped me detach.  My expwBPD lied in court to get the DV order and contradicted herself.  I am glad she is out of my life completely.   The statistics are that 80% of ro's are bogus.

[clydegriffith]

Agreed, Irish.

While i commend efforts to raise Domestiv Violence Awareness, this is an issue where the laws have gone to extremes where the courts have taken the approach if you have to lock up a million people to save one life then it's worth it. The ridiculousness of the laws are right on par with those to combat the phantom epidemic of drunk driving fatalities.

[irishmarmot]

Yes the laws have gone to extremes but it is a lesson learned for myself. When a BPD takes you to court, let's face it, the relationship is over. For me it was the final straw.  The last act of abuse in my short relationship of 4 months.   I look back on it now and I'm glad it is over.