Fighting the 'what ifs'...

[outside9x]

I can really relate today to this tread, because I been saying all day, if I only knew those SET tools and practice on not letting her rants and rages that made me so defensive.  I should said, sorry you feel this way, but that is just not what happen or I never said, that, and this matter is not worth us arguing about it, and walk away if she continues etc.  Yea, easy as that, I think not.  I remind myself, that they love the fight and you can bet another will be down the road  and then demands or something you didn't do  or did or lied about.  It's only so long you can maintain that, and you put yourself second, and endure all of this, and their pulling away etc. 

So thanks this helps because we always are bargaining for if only, then we be together.  Be careful what you wish for you may get it.

Believe me I been tempted at times when I get triggered, and desire her touch and her adoring sexy ways.

And that's all part of BPD too.  I used to think it was only the bad , but HELLO, it's all that other good stuff that's way over the top that we love is all part of it.

Peace and serenity to all!  We will get through this together!

[outside9x]

Thanks Tim_ Tom, we are always looking are the if's but like you said, not the right one's.  It's our imagination that paints the worst picture that we totally missed the best thing of our life, and it could be most likely , the best thing we ever did, as hard as it seems now. 

How many times, in life do we see this, that over time, we really dodged a bullet, but at the time, thought we lost it all!

I wish the best to you!

[outside9x]

To Clydegriffith,

Bingo, I had the same thought.  She was 58 when I met her.  Smoking hot, great body, but married 3 times, engaged a fourth, and no real friends and family members have little or nothing to do with her.

So,, if she was even 1/4 healthy, she be snapped up, and oh by the way, the last 3 guys had money, and plenty of it, she well off now.  I wasn't one of them though.  Whew!  Funny how I tend to forget her past as well, and yes, they are treated her badly!

[letmeout]

Thanks for the good reads on this topic everyone! I learned a few things here :-)

[peiper]

What if I'd never married her ?

I wouldn't have had an bogus RO placed on me.

I wouldn't have had to sell my guns.

I wouldn't be running the risk of losing my house.

I wouldn't have a BS domestic violence charge on my record.

Now fast forward

What if I detached from her sickness  ? I did.

What if I met a beautiful healthy woman ? I did.

What if I am happy for the first time in two years. I am.

What if I learned never again will I let myself be treated like that. I did.

Your choice, good luck!