Are BPDs Oddly Sensitive?

[jmanvo2015]

Is over-sensitivity to smells and sounds a BPD trait?  Can anyone shed some light on this for me?  Since I've moved in with her, my mother is constantly complaining about smells.  For example, I put a Cinammon stick in my closet and she says it's "Overwhelming" and she can smell it everywhere.  Huh?  I can't even smell it when I'm in the room where it is.  It's gotten really weird, though, because she's always "smelling" something and it's unnerving, not to mention she's making me batty and I'm starting to feel like I'm a dirty person, which I am not at all.  If she's not smelling something, she's fussing about noises - "banging" - which is just normal opening and closing of doors.  It's really funny because right now as I write this, she's yelling at my stepfather about "smoking in the garage?"  "that odor must be coming from somehwere!" 

It's really crazy behavior.  Is this part of BPD?  Or maybe is it a forewarning of something worse like the onset of disease or dementia? 

[K1313]

My BPDmother is the same way. She's always complaining about things smelling bad. I have cats so she loves to complain that their litter boxes stink even if I've scrubbed them out and out up in all fresh litter before she arrives.

Not sure what this particular behavior is about but, yes, my BP does this too.

[pessim-optimist]

I wouldn't say that it is a BPD trait per se.

That being said, persons w/BPD are generally very sensitive, so for some it probably translates to sensitivity to smells or sound etc. My BPD step-daughter is definitely over-sensitive to smells. My uBPD mom, on the other hand is not sensitive in this way at all, and neither is my uBPD brother.

I try to be sensitive and not overwhelm my SD with wearing perfumes, or strong deodorant, lotions etc.

On the other hand, she can be quite rude about the 'smells' and I usually ignore that.

[Harri]

My mother was the same way with smells.  It was a total pain in the a*s to deal with.  Only vanilla scented candles, unscented soap and detergent, no flowers... .

She was sensitive to car fumes.  I always had old, cheap and junky cars when I was younger... .the kind where you had to look in the rear view mirror to make sure you did not lose any parts after hitting a bump, so of course, the exhaust system was horrible.  and there she would sit, in the passenger seat after insisting we take my car, and breath deeply through her nose saying "can you smell that?" and "Oh my gawd the fumes are awful" again while breathing in deeply.  I finally told her it would not bother her so much if she quit breathing that way through her nose.

I always took it as her way of being a victim (with the car stuff because when we got home she had to spend a few days in bed recovering) and trying to control things with the smells in the house.  I'll never forget the ___ she gave my brother for daring to bring home some scented candles a friend gave him as a gift.  Poor kid walked in the house feeling great because someone was nice to him and she went and ___ all over it and accused him of 'trying to kill me'.  The things she would do to him were horrendous.

Okay, now I am all riled up.  Time to go find my happy place.

[Turkish]

My mom isn't like this, but my uBODx definitely is. As pessim-optimist said, this isn't a BPD trait per se. However, given that inborn biological sensitivity can be a contributing factor for BPD to develop (smells trigger strong emotions which they have trouble controllng), it may be a contributing factor. She didn't like me wearing any scent, as she used to comment that she bonded with me due to my natural scent. She see to get angry coming from her mom's house due to the smell of fried food (remindng her of her childhood). She would get triggered on things I couldn't even smell.

Our son is similarly sensitive, but more due to texture, sight and touch. D2 isn't like this. S4 is still weird about some things, and I attribute it to some inborn trait. BPD at its core is an emotional dysregulation disorder. If something like sensitivity to smells triggers strong emotions (whereas with us it may just result in annoyance), then that is just who they are.

[Trollvaaken]

I don't think it is exclusively a BPD trait. It might be caused by common comorbidities with BPD such as ADHD. As far as I know, some people with ADHD might be hypersensitive, that is why they feel overstimulated and overwhelmed easily.

As someone mentioned certain smells might also trigger certain emotions. It could just be another reason for her to project her anger on other people.

[HappyChappy]

I put a Cinammon stick in my closet and she says it's "Overwhelming" ... .I'm starting to feel like I'm a dirty person... .she's yelling at my stepfather about "smoking in the garage?"  

You move back in with a Borderline, their focus will be to establish control over you using the usual tools i.e. mind games. So you say that your BPD concern over sent has made you “feel dirty”   which is submissive, and exactly where your BPD wants you to be. Similarly nagging your step farther about his smoking – BPD will go for the easy target, i.e. it’s OK to bully smokers now. Never read anything about hypersensitivity of senses linked to BPD.  

She also  said your Cinnamon is “overwhelming” again, BPD use constant criticisms to put us in our place. I presume you’re familiar with animals using sent to establish control ... .could your BPD be doing the preverbal, pissing in the corners as she feels uneasy about a new addition to her household. So given the feedback, how are you going to play this one ?  

[jmanvo2015]

It's funny that some of you can relate to this and I appreciate your insights.

HappyChappy - I never thought about these things in relation to my mother's "control" issues, but you are so right on the money.  Right now, I'm playing it by being submissive to her will and allowing her her "issues" without fighting back.  I am living in her home and I am in a situation right now where, financially, I need to be here.  Anything I say or do in response to her provokes a fight or rage, so there's no point because, ultimately, those fights leave me depleted and overwhelmed and feeling utterly helpless.  So, my "control" in the situation is to maintain my own peace, even if and when it means submitting to unreasonable and insane demands.

Trollvaaken - yes, I think this is another excuse for her to release her pent up anger towards me, and just life in general.  I've learned that it's always something with my BPD mother.  Even when I do everything she has asked of me, she'll find something to complain or criticize me about.

Turkish - it's strange that so many BPDs have this hypersensitivity and it's really hard to handle.  Unfortunately, I'm learning that I have inherited this trait and find myself bothered by everything right now.  I really need to work on this.  A friend recently suggested developing a "thicker skin." Easier said than done.

Harri - it sounds like your brother had it bad.  I can relate to the scenario you describe.  There have been so many times my mother has just left me feeling utterly deflated. She is also exactly like you describe yours w/ everything having to be unscented and the slightest smell sending her into a tizzy.  I'm really glad to hear that other people have had similar experiences.

Pessim-optimist - "rude" is exactly the word I'd use for my BPD too.  Nothing is ever said nicely, it's always a demand or criticism.  It's unnerving.

K1313 - too uncanny about that cat!  That is the other thing right now that is making my mother crazy.  I have my cat with me and she complains about his litter box all the time, even though it's outside on the terrace.  He's a long-haired cat and I had to totally shave him into a Lion's Cut because the other thing that was making her nuts were her "allergies."  They suddenly emerged, even though we had a cat when I was a kid.

I appreciate everyone's comments.  It's so hard for me to handle my mother's behaviors, but at the same time, I feel so incredibly grateful and very guilty because she's providing a place for me to live and really being generous financially.  So, it's confusing for me because on the one hand she's a very good mother - in terms of financial support and responsibility.  She even feeds my cat and gives him his Diabetes shot, even thought I don't ask her to do this.  And she seems to genuinely love him.  Actually, he seems to bring out her loving and affectionate side.  It's kind of remarkable how she can freely give the cat the love she can't freely give me.  So, now I think of him as the household "therapy cat."