The word Commitment

[Depression = 72% of members]

Woke up sad today - went for a run and feel a little more focused.  Anyway, it helped me put into words a question, one which I likely know the answer but a question/thought nonetheless.   When we were together, we talked about marriage. When she left me this March, it was without explanation.  It was simply an abrupt "I fell out of love with you and no, I don't want to do counseling - it is too late."  In the months preceding, it was the silent treatment and quiet sniping sarcastic belittling verbal abuse.  I  had developed stress related stomach issues and was trying to be a quiet supportive partner as she had been experiencing extreme depression.   The abrupt dismissal is still very painful for me to discuss.  My question/thought is this: do pwBPD understand what the word commitment means?  Do they really want to connect and be committed in such a way that we do, a give and take and spend the rest of your lives together, even if it isn't always easy?  Mine would never want to talk about issues so whatever caused her to "fall out of love" with me was never conveyed.  I was accused of 'overcommunicating' because I would want to resolve it and move along.  Has anyone else ran into that situation: silent treatment rather than problem resolution?  Thank you for taking the time   

[Hawk Ridge]

Woke up sad today - went for a run and feel a little more focused.  Anyway, it helped me put into words a question, one which I likely know the answer but a question/thought nonetheless.   When we were together, we talked about marriage. When she left me this March, it was without explanation.  It was simply an abrupt "I fell out of love with you and no, I don't want to do counseling - it is too late."  In the months preceding, it was the silent treatment and quiet sniping sarcastic belittling verbal abuse.  I  had developed stress related stomach issues and was trying to be a quiet supportive partner as she had been experiencing extreme depression.   The abrupt dismissal is still very painful for me to discuss.  My question/thought is this: do pwBPD understand what the word commitment means?  Do they really want to connect and be committed in such a way that we do, a give and take and spend the rest of your lives together, even if it isn't always easy?  Mine would never want to talk about issues so whatever caused her to "fall out of love" with me was never conveyed.  I was accused of 'overcommunicating' because I would want to resolve it and move along.  Has anyone else ran into that situation: silent treatment rather than problem resolution?  Thank you for taking the time   

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Indyan]

I have the same question.

He too talked about getting married etc... .and left suddenly, telling all his family that our r/s was worthless.

[ziniztar]

do pwBPD understand what the word commitment means?  :)o they really want to connect and be committed in such a way that we do, a give and take and spend the rest of your lives together, even if it isn't always easy?  

No, depending on how the BPD grew and what their symptoms are it shows in different ways, but no.

I know dBPDbf is willing to discuss the hard stuff. He is more of the victimized, inferior-feeling 'I am worthless to the world, to you, so you better deal with stuff being difficult all the time.' He doesn't pretend to be a good boyfriend, which is honest but also extremely annoying and fearful (why the hell am I staying if he's even saying out loud he sucks at this?).

Commitment means intimacy, and they fear this as much as they fear you leaving them.