Why is she doing this?

[shellbent]

Why does my ex keep posting on her wall about her wonderful happy life?

I know she probably doesn't even think about me after all this time, but its almost as if it was targeted to hurt me on purpose.

I don't know if there is some kind of triangulation going on, or whether she just wants people to see how happy she is now.

But these posts are ridiculous. And of course the replacement is the first one to like her posts. I know I should have just deleted her off FB, but for my own reasons I still can't get over her completely.

When will this madness end already? I'm in just as much pain as I was 3 months ago.

[myself]

You'll get over her more quickly if you're not seeing her posts.

It might not have anything to do with you until you make it so.

The madness ends when you walk away, clear your head, and refocus.

[Recooperating]

Hi shellbent,

Im so sorry you're feeling like this. I advice you to stay away from her FB.

FB is a fairytail world, people pretend to be amazing, post inspirational and spiritual quotes to show how good they are, but never live by them. For people with a PD its a perfect place to pretend to be something they are not. Its sickening! My ex BPDbf posted love declarations for me on his wall, posted pictures, painted a perfect relationship while the rs was very unstable. I hated it and never allowed his posts on my wall.

People never post how bad they are, if they made mistakes, if they treated someone like ___. FB is not honest, its fake. So dont think its all sunshine and happiness in their rs!

When will this stop you ask? The moment you stop looking at the nonsense, its keeping you from healing. You keep rubbing salt in your wounds every time you look at that page. They know we look at it. They know they can hurt us like that. Hurt is emotion, so there's still an attachment there. I am now 2,5 months past b/u, for the first 4 weeks I was NC but I kept looking at FB. It finally led to a short lived recycle . I am now 1 month NC, no FB, no googling him, no nothing... .If I choose to move forward, looking at the past (his FB) will not help me. Its hard, but the only way to reach complete detachment and freedom. Give that to yourself... .You deserve peace! Stop tormenting yourself and block block block!

Good luck

[vortex of confusion]

First off, if feeling equals fact, then they thing their lives are totally awesome when they are feeling good. It is not illusion or fake to them. It is really really good. However, if they were have a horrible day, then they would either post about that or would not post at all because they were too busy wallowing in self pity.

Let's be realistic about the whole thing where they post stuff because they know that you can see it. I really question that notion. My husband is so blasted clueless in the relationship that I don't see how in the world he would think enough of me to deliberately post stuff to hurt me. I honestly think that people with BPD or BPD traits do the damage that they do because they are NOT doing anything deliberately.

If you want to stop hurting either stop looking at the page or realize that they are not thinking about you at all. They have moved on with their lives and are getting a fix from somebody else. Now, if things were to go bad with the somebody else, they might think of you. But again, that is only if they don't have something or someone else to keep them busy.

[fred6]

I don't know vortex. My ex was mirroring new supply with her posts and also posting things that were either directed at me or about me. Now since she's un friended me she rarely posts anything. It's almost as if she knows that I can't see her page so she doesn't post those things anymore. She still has my daughter on her friends list so I take a peek every couple weeks. I think some people use FB as a kind of psychological warfare.

[tim_tom]

better question: Why are u reading her wall?

[Recooperating]

I don't know vortex. My ex was mirroring new supply with her posts and also posting things that were either directed at me or about me. Now since she's un friended me she rarely posts anything. It's almost as if she knows that I can't see her page so she doesn't post those things anymore. She still has my daughter on her friends list so I take a peek every couple weeks. I think some people use FB as a kind of psychological warfare.

Absolutely true! In a recycle he confessed to me he posted crap to hurt me, because he would know I would look at it. It was yet another form of briliant manipulation. A mind ___. The manipulation stops when you dont allow it any longer and stop looking!

[Deeno02]

First thing I did when she dumped me. Facebook? Unfriended and blocked. Her toxic neighbor friend? Unfriended and blocked. Instagram? Unfollowed and blocked. Texts? Gone. Phone number? Blocked and the deleted. Email? Deleted and email address removed from contacts. You shouldnt be goddamn dealing with her damn posts. ... .or any freaking thing. Douche her dumb ass from everything unless you hsveca need for LC, ie. Children etc... drop them like they freaking dropped us. F**k them... .

[shellbent]

I  don't know I'm  working on letting her go, but the word forever scares me for some reason. Even though I can't have back the person that I fell in love with, it still  bugs me for some reason.

I unfollowed her for months then after things were calming down (or so I thought) I started to follow her again. So I only visited her page rarely and it didn't seem to have such an effect on me. At least I knew she was trying to hide her rs from me, (for more than one reason, the less obvious being that she told me she needed to be alone because she is a relationship addict), but now she writes stuff that really people don't normally post I mean, just the wording.

Fist off she only posted in english when she was writing to me, this whole thing was written and english saying blabla, "falling asleep next to the right one. Thank you".

And then a picture of her going home from her new bf, saying "from home to home"

If I didn't know any better I would say she is deliberately trying to prove something to me. Unless she had not even a thought about who she was hurting by posting something.

It's like she is looking for attention, but now she isn't hiding anything and in fact these posts seem redundant if she is really happy with him, she would just tell him and have no need to post stuff like this. And saying things like the right one, just pisses me off to no extent. She barely knows him, but apparently the idealization has started.

BTW I am not checking her wall, but FB seems to always put her stuff up in my face, according to FB she is one of my top contacts. Wonder why... .

[Zpinal]

Mine was doing the same thing but truth is, I was rarely looking at the ex «amazing life» on FB as she was doing the same thing when she was with me, same cycle, new supply. However i doubt the exs posts were directed to me, if they were, i wasn't allowing them posts to reach me and if her plan was to hurt me using FB, it backfired badly.  

Funny thing is that a friend of the ex and I remained friends after she dumped me. That friend invited me to her Thanksgiving dinner and tagged me on FB in a pic, the ex reacted to it calling her but nothing really came out of that conversation. A week later, that friend and I were having a drink together, I took a pic of that bottle of rum and tagged her on FB thanking her for a nice evening. I wasn't thinking about the ex at all when i did that but the ex reacted badly, telling my friend she betrayed her and some other childish sh!t. She then blocked me on FB and unfriended her.

My point here is posts on FB or other social media will hurt you ONLY IF YOU ALLOW such post to do so. Your ex is free to post whatever she wants on FB. She is no longer with you and therefor is in no position to hurt you anymore. If the stuff she posts hurt you, its because you allow yourself to be hurt. I know its difficult but you know you worth much more than a life of misery do you?

[shellbent]

I know, maybe I'm reading too much into it. But the fact remains she doesn't even care enough now to try and hide it from me. It really does seem like she is trying to prove to me that she doesn't need me.

I just can't believe that after all this she can cut me out of her life so easily. Yes I've been down this road before, but it still hurts just as much as before.

I am torturing myself, but I work with her and can't keep my mind off her, every time I see her I wonder why she doesn't love me anymore.

[Deeno02]

Mine was doing the same thing but truth is, I was rarely looking at the ex «amazing life» on FB as she was doing the same thing when she was with me, same cycle, new supply. However i doubt the exs posts were directed to me, if they were, i wasn't allowing them posts to reach me and if her plan was to hurt me using FB, it backfired badly.  

Funny thing is that a friend of the ex and I remained friends after she dumped me. That friend invited me to her Thanksgiving dinner and tagged me on FB in a pic, the ex reacted to it calling her but nothing really came out of that conversation. A week later, that friend and I were having a drink together, I took a pic of that bottle of rum and tagged her on FB thanking her for a nice evening. I wasn't thinking about the ex at all when i did that but the ex reacted badly, telling my friend she betrayed her and some other childish sh!t. She then blocked me on FB and unfriended her.

My point here is posts on FB or other social media will hurt you ONLY IF YOU ALLOW such post to do so. Your ex is free to post whatever she wants on FB. She is no longer with you and therefor is in no position to hurt you anymore. If the stuff she posts hurt you, its because you allow yourself to be hurt. I know its difficult but you know you worth much more than a life of misery do you?

S**t, I was so damn stupid, I sat there while my ExBPDgf, stalked her husband on FB and Instagram while in a relationship with me! She would b___ about who he was with, where he was eating, etc. What a freakin idiot I was. Thats why when she dumped me, I blocked everything. F**K HER!

[Infared]

I know, maybe I'm reading too much into it. But the fact remains she doesn't even care enough now to try and hide it from me. It really does seem like she is trying to prove to me that she doesn't need me.

I just can't believe that after all this she can cut me out of her life so easily. Yes I've been down this road before, but it still hurts just as much as before.

I am torturing myself, but I work with her and can't keep my mind off her, every time I see her I wonder why she doesn't love me anymore.

Shellbent... .I feel for ya... .working around her has got to be tough... .but like most here have advised... .I feel you need to block he FB page if you are serious about moving forward... .Apparently you are not ready to move on yet... .Clearly she has. When you are ready to make the decision you will... .There obviously is nothing there for you but pain, but part of it is that by going to her FB you still feel connected to her even though it is ugly for you.

My therapist would also query me about dating people where I work or where I live... .because if it doesn't work out it can cause a LOT of uncomfortability in my life ... .just food for though when you are making decisions in the future... we do have a choice.