Posturing or suicidal exBPDH

[crystal]

HI,

I havent been on this site in ages.  But need to vent and this has always been a safe and supportive place. 

We are long divorced. I am doing great and have wondeful relationship with my three young adult kids who all are estranged from their dad (two NC, one LC) but we have worked hard to keep a thread of communication open with his family.

My ex has continued to have the tumultuous life of highs and lows of a BPD/NPD.  But from a distance.  Well, over the last two days, the three kids got texts and calls from dad (which were increasingly weird). Then the calls from his family came.  "Your dad is suicidal and in Town X (nowhere near anyone  no idea why he is there)-- he just needs to hear from you. Will you reach out to him?"   Then began a flurry of conversations among them and with me. They all KNOW this is classic BPD manipulation. And that to respond to it would just feed this kind of behavior in the future. And they all were very worried and sad for thier dad. And worried about feeling guilty or being blamed if something DID happen to their dad and they hadnt reached out. 

Well, apparently dad drove himself to the hospital and checked himself in -- and they feel sad that he had to do that and is all alone. But also relieved. And also realistic that this likely wont change anything (I think I am the only one naieve enough to think "maybe THIS rock bottom will be the turning point)

They are each so smart and have such a great understanding of the situation... .and they were all so supportive of each other... .but Golly it is hard.  So sad. So difficult. I am very proud of each of them and very sad for each of them.  No child should have to deal with this in a parent. And as balanced and resilient as they each are, it gives them doubts about themselve. 

I am very sad for my ex. And VERY angry with him.  For throwing away his life. For lacking the will to change. For hurting his kids the way he has. And for this last round of idiocy--one of these days his posturing may cost him his life. 

I am very grateful to be where I am.  Much thanks to this group-- I think all the characters have changed but the group remains the same.

What am I looking for in this post? Nothing really.  There are no  answers.  So  I have no questions.  Just needed to get this out there. 

Crystal

[claudiaduffy]

Hi, Crystal,

Blah, I am really sorry you still have to deal with toxic ripples from your ex. Suicidal posturing makes me so angry! Sounds like your kids are handling it well - good on them, and on you.

[crystal]

Thank you! 

Thats why I love this place. People understand.  Anyone else would be like "oh, that poor suffering man. How can you not help him? " and the idea of posturing is so foreign t normal people--why would anyone posture about suicide!

[Lucky Jim]

They all KNOW this is classic BPD manipulation.

Hi crystal, Sorry to hear what you are going through.  Unfortunately, it is all too familiar.  My BPDxW threatened suicide 10-15 times over the last five years of our marriage.  Yes, it is the ultimate example of BPD manipulation and it's natural to feel worried and/or guilty about the "what if" scenarios.  Even though I knew my BPDx was crying wolf, there was still that nagging feeling in the back of my mind that maybe she was serious on that occasion, which was incredibly stressful.  I don't have any particular answer, either, except to suggest that suicide threats are to be expected from a pwBPD.  I am even a little anxious thinking about your situation because it could easily be me in your shoes.

Lucky Him