Second major break up with BPD boyfriend

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi everyone. I am a 33 yr old female going through a break up with a BPD guy who is 27 yrs old. This happened just 3 days ago and is the second time we seriously separated. The first time lasted 3 months. While I know that it would be way better for my life to keep him gone for good, I am still very hurt and feel like he took my life with him. He moved in with his mom who also has BPD and seems to thrive on causing me pain by using him as a tool and will not allow him to contact me. He has ruined my good police record as I've been arrested twice since I've been with him the last 3 years for his ridiculous accusations and loud dramatic arguing. It hurts that he seems to take this better than I do when he's usually the first to burst into tears and profess his live for me. I'm just taking it one day at a time.

[SeaShellz]

Hi everyone. I am a 33 yr old female going through a break up with a BPD guy who is 27 yrs old. This happened just 3 days ago and is the second time we seriously separated. The first time lasted 3 months. While I know that it would be way better for my life to keep him gone for good, I am still very hurt and feel like he took my life with him. He moved in with his mom who also has BPD and seems to thrive on causing me pain by using him as a tool and will not allow him to contact me. He has ruined my good police record as I've been arrested twice since I've been with him the last 3 years for his ridiculous accusations and loud dramatic arguing. It hurts that he seems to take this better than I do when he's usually the first to burst into tears and profess his live for me. I'm just taking it one day at a time.

[maxen]

hi SeaShellz and 

that's a painful story, and I'm really sorry to read it. the  feeling that he took your life with him is very sad, and i know something of it from the end of my own r/s with a uBPD. i hope you have support for yourself - friends who know what's up, family or a therapist. you can talk to us now too. welcome again!

where do you see the r/s going from here? how undecided are you? these are tough questions i know. sharing can be a great help, so when you're comfortable, please keep posting SeaShellz!

[antonio1213]

Taking one day at a time is all you can do. My exBPDgf wasn't as dramatic as getting the police involved but she had some really dramatic things happen that made me question my sanity. Like your bf she would break down and profess her love for me too, all the time.

You need to get away from him. Being with him will only hurt you more, theres no going around it. They deal with the break ups better because they split you. ACtually the way they deal with it is more unhealthy than the way you are handling it.

So just go through all the stages you need to, it'll take awhile, and move on. Listen to your head and not your heart. Your heart will tell you to go back to him, that he will change, that you love him and miss him. You may love him and miss him but you can't go back and he won't change. Unless he goes through DBT and doesn't drop out. So I would advise you to just go NC and move on with yo life. Its hard but defiantly worth it.

[Aussie0zborn]

I understand how you feel. It sucks, doesn't it?

I'm not sure by you want him back in your life.  Is it so that you can add to your police record? You like turmoil in your life? You like being used and abused? I just don't get it.

You can see for yourself that he is wrong for you but you can't let go of the bond you thought you had. This bond is false and built on his lies. Get rid of him. Find whatever it takes to severe this bond irrevocably and move on to a happy and healthy life. You do actually deserve it.

[SeaShellz]

Thank you so much! As to where I see the relationship going with my ex... .I know it is best to stay separated. It's just that I wad so very attached to him. We spent all of our time together and shared so much together. He was like my best friend. Most of the time he was so sweet. But the lies, sneaking, accusations, the one time he cheated, and the total control of my life I hated and will never miss. He has not tried to contact me and didn't even after 3 months the first breakup, I contacted him. I guess it just hurts and I miss him so much. I am lost and realizing how much I invested my life into the r/s with him.

[SeaShellz]

I don't want to add to my police record or continue living in turmoil. I am doing great with resisting contacting him. I would just get cussed out by him and his BPD mom anyway. The main thing I'm struggling with is just accepting that he possibly never TRULY cared for me and will just move on and leave me in the dust after I am the one who should have left but could never walk away because I never wanted him to suffer. He's a very low functioning BPD that refuses to take his meds. I felt the need to protect and guide him.  :'(