I think I'm not "black" anymore. Scary.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My ex recently made emailed me with this:

I see you've blocked me again.  I'm sorry I've been mean.  You said I've been "cruel."  I guess I feel like mad is better than heartbroken.  It seems to come with more resolve.  The whole experience just felt as if it was another example of me being disappointing and not living up to someone's expectations.  Which I wasn't... .  clearly.

He also made contact with my sister, ostensibly a professional conversation, but I have my doubts about his motivation.  Testing the waters?  Realizing that his image is in danger bc of how he's behaved?

We often see each other driving but just pass without so much as a wave--he has steadfastly refused to have any sort of conversation/interaction with me since we broke up.  We didn't even give each other's belongings back.  I tried several times to initiate a conversation but he just wouldn't, instead he'd make barbed remarks, subtle but ugly (via text) and then leave me hanging at the end (no goodbye, etc.).

We live in the same neighborhood and last night there was a big Halloween hoopla. Afterwards, I was walking down the street, and saw his car out of the corner of my eye.  I kept going, pretended not to see him... .which is how it's been since we broke up.  This time, though, he pulled his car up next to me and smiled this huge, lovely, charming smile and said... ."hello, XXXXX."

I waved to him, said hello, and kept walking.  I felt so vulnerable walking while he was driving and for some reason the interaction felt like a giant sucker punch.  It also pissed me off.  Evidently, he's discharged enough of his ugly onto me and is now looking to be magnanimous and friendly.  Sorry, no dice.  As far as I'm concerned--the nasty way he ended with me is as bad as if he'd hit me.  Total deal breaker.

The thing that bothers me, is that a part of me really just wanted to get into the car with him and have him hold me, reconnect.  It really, really hurt.  How can something so minor hurt so much?

I had to summon up what my T is calling my "inner-protector (IP)."  This part of me is weak and underdeveloped.  I did it, though... .and guess what?  It works!  My IP stood up for me and thought:  how dare he do that?  He doesn't get to decide, here, where the boundary lies.  He is not in control of me.  I do not have to be "nice" to someone who has been nasty toward me.  No dice.  Dealbreaker.

At any rate, I wanted to share the experience and see if anyone has any words of wisdom.  Does it seem like the ex is making some sort of move?  How have you dealt with this sort of thing?  I don't really think he will reach out to me, but my hunch is he is hoping if I know he is "ready," I will reach out to him.  And part of me wants to do just that... .the part of me that gets used and hurt.  What do you do to keep yourself steadfast and strong?

[SickofMe]

My ex recently made emailed me with this:

I see you've blocked me again.  I'm sorry I've been mean.  You said I've been "cruel."  I guess I feel like mad is better than heartbroken.  It seems to come with more resolve.  The whole experience just felt as if it was another example of me being disappointing and not living up to someone's expectations.  Which I wasn't... .  clearly.

He also made contact with my sister, ostensibly a professional conversation, but I have my doubts about his motivation.  Testing the waters?  Realizing that his image is in danger bc of how he's behaved?

We often see each other driving but just pass without so much as a wave--he has steadfastly refused to have any sort of conversation/interaction with me since we broke up.  We didn't even give each other's belongings back.  I tried several times to initiate a conversation but he just wouldn't, instead he'd make barbed remarks, subtle but ugly (via text) and then leave me hanging at the end (no goodbye, etc.).

We live in the same neighborhood and last night there was a big Halloween hoopla. Afterwards, I was walking down the street, and saw his car out of the corner of my eye.  I kept going, pretended not to see him... .which is how it's been since we broke up.  This time, though, he pulled his car up next to me and smiled this huge, lovely, charming smile and said... ."hello, XXXXX."

I waved to him, said hello, and kept walking.  I felt so vulnerable walking while he was driving and for some reason the interaction felt like a giant sucker punch.  It also pissed me off.  Evidently, he's discharged enough of his ugly onto me and is now looking to be magnanimous and friendly.  Sorry, no dice.  As far as I'm concerned--the nasty way he ended with me is as bad as if he'd hit me.  Total deal breaker.

The thing that bothers me, is that a part of me really just wanted to get into the car with him and have him hold me, reconnect.  It really, really hurt.  How can something so minor hurt so much?

I had to summon up what my T is calling my "inner-protector (IP)."  This part of me is weak and underdeveloped.  I did it, though... .and guess what?  It works!  My IP stood up for me and thought:  how dare he do that?  He doesn't get to decide, here, where the boundary lies.  He is not in control of me.  I do not have to be "nice" to someone who has been nasty toward me.  No dice.  Dealbreaker.

At any rate, I wanted to share the experience and see if anyone has any words of wisdom.  Does it seem like the ex is making some sort of move?  How have you dealt with this sort of thing?  I don't really think he will reach out to me, but my hunch is he is hoping if I know he is "ready," I will reach out to him.  And part of me wants to do just that... .the part of me that gets used and hurt.  What do you do to keep yourself steadfast and strong?

[Algae]

My ex recently made emailed me with this:

I see you've blocked me again.  I'm sorry I've been mean.  You said I've been "cruel."  I guess I feel like mad is better than heartbroken.  It seems to come with more resolve.  The whole experience just felt as if it was another example of me being disappointing and not living up to someone's expectations.  Which I wasn't... .  clearly.

He also made contact with my sister, ostensibly a professional conversation, but I have my doubts about his motivation.  Testing the waters?  Realizing that his image is in danger bc of how he's behaved?

We often see each other driving but just pass without so much as a wave--he has steadfastly refused to have any sort of conversation/interaction with me since we broke up.  We didn't even give each other's belongings back.  I tried several times to initiate a conversation but he just wouldn't, instead he'd make barbed remarks, subtle but ugly (via text) and then leave me hanging at the end (no goodbye, etc.).

We live in the same neighborhood and last night there was a big Halloween hoopla. Afterwards, I was walking down the street, and saw his car out of the corner of my eye.  I kept going, pretended not to see him... .which is how it's been since we broke up.  This time, though, he pulled his car up next to me and smiled this huge, lovely, charming smile and said... ."hello, XXXXX."

I waved to him, said hello, and kept walking.  I felt so vulnerable walking while he was driving and for some reason the interaction felt like a giant sucker punch.  It also pissed me off.  Evidently, he's discharged enough of his ugly onto me and is now looking to be magnanimous and friendly.  Sorry, no dice.  As far as I'm concerned--the nasty way he ended with me is as bad as if he'd hit me.  Total deal breaker.

The thing that bothers me, is that a part of me really just wanted to get into the car with him and have him hold me, reconnect.  It really, really hurt.  How can something so minor hurt so much?

I had to summon up what my T is calling my "inner-protector (IP)."  This part of me is weak and underdeveloped.  I did it, though... .and guess what?  It works!  My IP stood up for me and thought:  how dare he do that?  He doesn't get to decide, here, where the boundary lies.  He is not in control of me.  I do not have to be "nice" to someone who has been nasty toward me.  No dice.  Dealbreaker.

At any rate, I wanted to share the experience and see if anyone has any words of wisdom.  Does it seem like the ex is making some sort of move?  How have you dealt with this sort of thing?  I don't really think he will reach out to me, but my hunch is he is hoping if I know he is "ready," I will reach out to him.  And part of me wants to do just that... .the part of me that gets used and hurt.  What do you do to keep yourself steadfast and strong?

Very interesting.

Curious... Did they have a replacement or some kind of supply that might of ran out for them?  Or does it just seem like they snapped back to painting you white?

[SickofMe]

Curious... Did they have a replacement or some kind of supply that might of ran out for them?  Or does it just seem like they snapped back to painting you white?

I don't have any idea, to tell you the truth.  This might sound crazy, but I think it might have something to do with baseball.  LOL  He is a huge baseball fan and his team was in the World Series, he went to all the home games.  He posted dozens of "selfies" on his FB and he has a small group of devotees who fawn all over him, on FB.  We've been playing FB monkey-games (guilty as charged... .I know this is absurd and compulsive, I've given it up now).

My ex isn't a "womanizer" type in terms of sex or having to have a woman in his life at all times, but he needs a LOT of attention (from a distance) and admiration.  Maybe now that the distraction of baseball is over for the time being, he's not sure where to go?  He is very childlike, emotionally.  I realize this sounds utterly ridiculous, but *something* is going on, he is suddenly in a different head space.

He also has a very enmeshed push/pull r/s with his ex wife, with whom he co-parents.  There is always some sort of drama going on there.  Maybe he is mad at her, I just don't know!

My hunch is, he's calmed down inside and realizes how he's behaved will/would not be well received by his "public."  He is pretty narcissist and his public image is of a big, sweet, good-looking, witty... .BOY.  He is 48, btw.

I know everyone I've seen or spoken with post breakup was very surprised and shocked by our abrupt breakup--they've all been like, REALLY?  You two seemed so perfect for each other, it seemed like he was crazy about you!  (Again, FB antics.  He posted photos of me and him together constantly, posted love songs and affirmations to my wall, went on and on about how lucky he was... .etc.)  I would imagine he's been hearing the same things, which would make him feel very uncomfortable, knowing what happened there in the end.

So, anyhow, I'm guessing this is some sort of "damage-control."  Perhaps the most valuable thing I've learned though this r/s is that FB is not a suitable fill-in for a real, connected relationship.  Ha!

[fred6]

RUN FORREST, RUN

[antonio1213]

RUN FORREST, RUN

And don't look back.

They come back when they need something. My exBPDgf still wants me in her life, so I haven't been split black completely. But she wants me as a side person, or to handle her problems like I did throughout the relationship. Chances are he wants something

[SickofMe]

I think he wants something.  I just don't know what.  It could be just he thinks he can still charm me into thinking he is a good person (but I don't).  I think he's too arrogant to make any kind of move to reconcile.  He might expect if he is nice to me, I will.  But I won't.

I hope.