Is there a right time to stop coming to this forum frequently?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi all,

I'm 2 months out and a couple of weeks NC. I've recently started feeling better about life, starting to enjoy time alone more and having a sense of freedom and peace. I'm just curious what your thoughts are in terms of when is (or if there is) the right time to stop coming back to visiting these forums frequently?

I still think about my ex every single day - in fact she kind of never leaves the back of my mind - but it has stopped consuming me so much and I've worked through many of the issues/questions I had about the relationship.

I love how much these forums have helped me, and I really like to come and provide assistance to others wherever I can... .I honestly feel bad for anyone who has had to go through one of these break-ups, they are utterly horrible. I do, however, think there is a risk of someone getting stuck in a loop by coming to these forums every day and allowing the problem of their relationship to define their life for too long... .I know personally that revisiting these forums brings up a lot of feelings/issues from the past that I should perhaps leave alone as I've already worked through them.

What are your guys thoughts/experience with this?

[GoodThingsToCome]

Hi all,

I'm 2 months out and a couple of weeks NC. I've recently started feeling better about life, starting to enjoy time alone more and having a sense of freedom and peace. I'm just curious what your thoughts are in terms of when is (or if there is) the right time to stop coming back to visiting these forums frequently?

I still think about my ex every single day - in fact she kind of never leaves the back of my mind - but it has stopped consuming me so much and I've worked through many of the issues/questions I had about the relationship.

I love how much these forums have helped me, and I really like to come and provide assistance to others wherever I can... .I honestly feel bad for anyone who has had to go through one of these break-ups, they are utterly horrible. I do, however, think there is a risk of someone getting stuck in a loop by coming to these forums every day and allowing the problem of their relationship to define their life for too long... .I know personally that revisiting these forums brings up a lot of feelings/issues from the past that I should perhaps leave alone as I've already worked through them.

What are your guys thoughts/experience with this?

[Aussie0zborn]

I have often thought the same thing. Still being here 1 1/2 years later is a bit much. I usually gravitate back when there is another court case. Sometimes I start posts and respond to topics but don't click the POST button if I find it's too negative.

I find that reading too much here adds to my negativity. I have replied to two posts without reading them as the post topic says it all and it is usually ludicrous. Sometimes I just want to slap the poster - probably because I wish someone had slapped some sense into me when I was faced with the same dilemmas.

I would think that when you have moved on. It's time to quit but I find some topics useful for each court appearance. 

I would also like to think that some people simply need a kick in the pants to wake them up and get them out of their self imposed misery as a consequence of choosing to be with a BPD partner.

[Rifka]

Hi GTTC,

I also questioned this when I started feeling better. I originally gave myself a month to get off here thinking that it would stop me from healing properly. I appreciated all of the love, complete honesty and advice and compassion from my BPD family here. It's a wonderful feeling to have everybody here understand what your saying, feeling and expressing. There is also so much information here to help us get through all of the what if questions about the exes. We also learn to focus the attention back to ourselves and begin the healing process from the almost crippling experience.

I starting saying my goodbyes, but the private messages I received made me realize that this place won't hold me back, it was up to me to also have boundaries here. This is a good place, I just had to progress to the next thread about starting a new life and also dating.

I still sometimes will post here because maybe my experience will help somebody else. I am completely aware that I came here a total wreck! I could barely see through my tears to type what was on my mind, my heart ached, I was physically and emotionally sick. I couldn't eat, sleep, concentrate on work, I was a mess!

I had never heard of this disorder prior to AUGUST 10th 2014. Less than three months of soaking up all the information, self reflecting, healing my heart, healing my soul, learning about me and who and what I allow in my life.

I'm not sure there is a right answer because I would guess that it would be an individual decision based on how each person feels.

If somebody needs guidance, this is the place, if you are ready to go then it's time to go, knowing that it is always okay to return if need be! There is unlimited support here.

I really care about so many people here and don't feel any pull to go backwards, or backslide emotionally. I feel strong knowing what I have learned here!

You have to do what is right for you.

I also felt it could be a crutch, but I don't feel like that anymore.

I will be here to offer my help to others, as others offered their stories, hugs, and guidance to me when I could barely get myself out of my bed!

Rifka

[peiper]

The reality is we were emotionally raped.  When it's time to leave the board you will. No worries.

[BuildingFromScratch]

I'm like 3-4 years out and barely healed at all. It's because I've got stuff like Depersonalization Disorder and possibly Complex-PTSD preventing me from healing. I would say whenever you want and need,. I try not to ruminate about the ex too much and I think understanding things more doesn't help at a certain point. Your emotions just have to work themselves out. I find the forum great for trying to connect to humanity and for venting though!

[Skip]

Some members come until the crisis passes.

Others stay to understand the failed relationship and look at how to rethink life going forward.  There is a lot more going on i most of these relationships than just BPD.

This path takes time.

[trappedinlove]

I find myself oscillating on this.

On one hand the topics discussed here are very important and interest me on a broader level than just BPD.

But on the other, I feel that staying here often fuels my attachment and ruminations about my ex

Tough one... .

[clydegriffith]

I've also asked myself this. I won't lie, coming here has re-opened some old wounds but i think being able to bring some of these things back to the surface and not feel the anger i did before really helps.  I also make a conscious effort not to refer to her as "my BPDx" as she is not mine and never was.

[JRav59]

There is a personal inventory page that helped me quite a bit. It's more proactive and about moving on and away from toxic relationships as well as practices to become a whole person. Staying on this forum page, I realized, just made me grind on my anger things I already knew after a bit. It started to make it harder to truly let her go. This page does serve its purpose, but there is a point where you just get tired. In order to grow and truly let go, you need to look within you. Best of luck!  See you on the personal inventory page!