Met someone new-ex still in background

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I really didn't know if I should post this in this forum or the one about dating and moving on but I think this is the right place!

So almost two years ago I made the hardest decision of my life and ended my unbelievably emotionally manipulative relationship with my ex boyfriend.  I was a shell of my former self, paranoid, anxious, jealous, needy (you all know I'm sure!).  Getting over him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  I wanted a future with him but I couldn't put up with his behaviour any longer.  I now realise that want was incredibly unhealthy and damaging.

Anyway... .fast forward a while and I have met the most wonderful man.  Honest, caring, normal, easy to talk to, quite shy (in a nice way), sweet, physically lovely (!), looks after himself, and is just the exact opposite of my ex.  I am so happy! He met my parents last week and while it's still early days (since July) and I am very wary, things are going really well, he has restored my faith in men and has shown me what a healthy relationship could be like.

So... .an hour ago my ex rang me.  I haven't seen him for months and months.  He asked me if I was happy and was I seeing anyone, so I tentatively said yes, I was seeing someone, and sorry if he felt hurt by that.  He then proceeded to tell me all the reasons we broke up aren't there anymore, he wants to have kids with me and he feels he's sorted himself out (he hasn't had any therapy so there's been no professional help).  All the things I wanted in the relationship (like being able to discuss a future, talk about kids, getting married) he's NOW decided he wants.

Anyway, I wanted to get this down on paper as it were and get reassurances from people on here.  There's no way I would jeopardise anything with my new guy but wow, this is annoying.  Not because I believe him-it's just annoying.  I didn't want to tell many of my friends as I don't want my new boyfriend to find out.  I don't want my ex to ruin any more of my life or waste any more of my time.

Thanks for listening and Good Luck everyone on your journeys. 

[Lizzie3]

I really didn't know if I should post this in this forum or the one about dating and moving on but I think this is the right place!

So almost two years ago I made the hardest decision of my life and ended my unbelievably emotionally manipulative relationship with my ex boyfriend.  I was a shell of my former self, paranoid, anxious, jealous, needy (you all know I'm sure!).  Getting over him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  I wanted a future with him but I couldn't put up with his behaviour any longer.  I now realise that want was incredibly unhealthy and damaging.

Anyway... .fast forward a while and I have met the most wonderful man.  Honest, caring, normal, easy to talk to, quite shy (in a nice way), sweet, physically lovely (!), looks after himself, and is just the exact opposite of my ex.  I am so happy! He met my parents last week and while it's still early days (since July) and I am very wary, things are going really well, he has restored my faith in men and has shown me what a healthy relationship could be like.

So... .an hour ago my ex rang me.  I haven't seen him for months and months.  He asked me if I was happy and was I seeing anyone, so I tentatively said yes, I was seeing someone, and sorry if he felt hurt by that.  He then proceeded to tell me all the reasons we broke up aren't there anymore, he wants to have kids with me and he feels he's sorted himself out (he hasn't had any therapy so there's been no professional help).  All the things I wanted in the relationship (like being able to discuss a future, talk about kids, getting married) he's NOW decided he wants.

Anyway, I wanted to get this down on paper as it were and get reassurances from people on here.  There's no way I would jeopardise anything with my new guy but wow, this is annoying.  Not because I believe him-it's just annoying.  I didn't want to tell many of my friends as I don't want my new boyfriend to find out.  I don't want my ex to ruin any more of my life or waste any more of my time.

Thanks for listening and Good Luck everyone on your journeys. 

[guy4caligirl]

I really didn't know if I should post this in this forum or the one about dating and moving on but I think this is the right place!

So almost two years ago I made the hardest decision of my life and ended my unbelievably emotionally manipulative relationship with my ex boyfriend.  I was a shell of my former self, paranoid, anxious, jealous, needy (you all know I'm sure!).  Getting over him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  I wanted a future with him but I couldn't put up with his behaviour any longer.  I now realise that want was incredibly unhealthy and damaging.

Anyway... .fast forward a while and I have met the most wonderful man.  Honest, caring, normal, easy to talk to, quite shy (in a nice way), sweet, physically lovely (!), looks after himself, and is just the exact opposite of my ex.  I am so happy! He met my parents last week and while it's still early days (since July) and I am very wary, things are going really well, he has restored my faith in men and has shown me what a healthy relationship could be like.

So... .an hour ago my ex rang me.  I haven't seen him for months and months.  He asked me if I was happy and was I seeing anyone, so I tentatively said yes, I was seeing someone, and sorry if he felt hurt by that.  He then proceeded to tell me all the reasons we broke up aren't there anymore, he wants to have kids with me and he feels he's sorted himself out (he hasn't had any therapy so there's been no professional help).  All the things I wanted in the relationship (like being able to discuss a future, talk about kids, getting married) he's NOW decided he wants.

Anyway, I wanted to get this down on paper as it were and get reassurances from people on here.  There's no way I would jeopardise anything with my new guy but wow, this is annoying.  Not because I believe him-it's just annoying.  I didn't want to tell many of my friends as I don't want my new boyfriend to find out.  I don't want my ex to ruin any more of my life or waste any more of my time.

Thanks for listening and Good Luck everyone on your journeys. 

Absolutely amazing I think they have the physic power to know when to get back in your life or try to anyways  wow .

[Bak86]

Wow what an ass! Don't believe his lies and stick with the new guy!

[Lizzie3]

Absolutely amazing I think they have the physic power to know when to get back in your life or try to anyways  wow .

I thought PERHAPS he'd heard a rumour I'd met someone else.  I haven't actually told anyone he knows but one of our mutual friends said 'how's the love life?' and I replied 'Great thanks!' (end of conversation).  Perhaps that was the start of this.  Not sure though!  Hey ho!

[Hawk Ridge]

I have heard about that 6th sense/intuition thing too

[fromheeltoheal]

All the things I wanted in the relationship (like being able to discuss a future, talk about kids, getting married) he's NOW decided he wants.

You do see the blatant, transparent manipulation attempt there, yes?  The operative word is NOW, only to revert to the behavior that caused you to leave him once he has you again.  If he's still got emotional hooks in you, be honest, do what you need to do to protect yourself; you and the new guy deserve it.  Take care of you!

[Lizzie3]

You do see the blatant, transparent manipulation attempt there, yes?  The operative word is NOW, only to revert to the behavior that caused you to leave him once he has you again.  If he's still got emotional hooks in you, be honest, do what you need to do to protect yourself; you and the new guy deserve it.  Take care of you!

Yes, it's just easier if other people see it as well.  He made me feel bad for wanting to talk about those things as well... .after a 7 year relationship... .wow it's all just so embarrassing looking back... .

[fromheeltoheal]

He made me feel bad for wanting to talk about those things as well

People only have the power we give them; no one can make us feel something against our will unless we let them.  More manipulation?  Time to take your power back, and it's really good you got with a good guy, that will help as long as you keep your focus there.

[bungenstein]

Congrats Lizzie, well you know very well this is all just absolute bull****, you've found a wonderful man and you need not entertain his ludicrous behaviour anymore, I'm very happy for you.

I am 11 months out, I haven't met a special person yet to make me see just how bad they really were, but I know my time will come too. 

[Waifed]

Congrats! Now stop all contact with ex, consider telling your new guy that you spoke with him if it is a factor in the relationship. Don't let your ex dictate a minute more of your life. Good luck!