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Author Topic: Day 8 NC is HARD  (Read 1405 times)
kc sunshine
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« on: November 03, 2014, 10:59:19 AM »

Is it because it is past the week threshold? Any insights? What were some of the hardest NC days for you?
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Deeno02
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« Reply #1 on: November 03, 2014, 11:04:55 AM »

Is it because it is past the week threshold? Any insights? What were some of the hardest NC days for you?

Everyday. But you must stay the course. Day 38 for me. Most days its good. Couple days here and there that Im withdrawing and want to reach out in some way. But I dont. I miss her so much, but I cant do it. I wont do it... .
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fred6
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« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2014, 11:15:50 AM »

Deeno02 is correct, everyday is hard. For me the longer it goes, the harder it gets. But yet, I know at some point I will cross the bridge and it will start to get easier. I won't forget her, but memories slowly fade.
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kc sunshine
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« Reply #3 on: November 03, 2014, 01:17:39 PM »

Thanks you all for your replies. Mostly okay, with a few days of really intense withdrawal symptoms-- that sounds doable.

I just went for a long run in the sunshine and changing leaves. That helped. Except that I (gently, lightly) carved our names in a tree that we used to stand beneath   :'( (But it was good to get outside.  
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Rifka
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« Reply #4 on: November 03, 2014, 02:26:20 PM »

Thanks you all for your replies. Mostly okay, with a few days of really intense withdrawal symptoms-- that sounds doable.

I just went for a long run in the sunshine and changing leaves. That helped. Except that I (gently, lightly) carved our names in a tree that we used to stand beneath   :'( (But it was good to get outside.  

I'm sorry KC that you are still struggling to go forward. It does get easier if you start focusing on you, not her! I know you know that! Poor tree, now it has BPD engraved in it! Please try to again take one hour at a time a think about you and what makes you happy or healthy or things that you always wanted to do but have put it off. Night classes, meditation, art, anything to consume your mind in your own pleasures.


Tight Hugs to you!

Rifka

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« Reply #5 on: November 03, 2014, 02:27:13 PM »

KC, it's going to come and go. There are many things to get to while detaching, including grieving and breaking our addictions/patterns. Patience, effort, insight, time. There'll be days you're feeling/doing better, and others where you're not. I think perhaps the deeper you went, the farther it is to make your way free? But yes it's very doable. Look yourself in the eyes, change what needs changing, and appreciate the rest. Live your life.
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Raybo48
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« Reply #6 on: November 03, 2014, 03:38:44 PM »

Is it because it is past the week threshold? Any insights? What were some of the hardest NC days for you?

Only because it's in my own brain, but the weekends are the hardest for me.  Course that might have something to do with the fact that she texted me a guys picture she was about to date before she painted me black a few weeks ago. 

I guess in my mind they are likely to be out on a Friday/Saturday night so my anxiety is higher then.  It really doesn't make any sense because they could be going out any night of the week right?   
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SeaShellz

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« Reply #7 on: November 03, 2014, 03:49:59 PM »

Day 7 here. It's feeling worse for me. I am actually taking steps to seek therapy. I guess it's getting harder because I miss him... .or maybe because the more time that passes the more I think he's getting on with his life and forgetting all about me. I actually read something earlier online that a BPD wrote about them being backwards when it comes to grieving relationships ending. She said that unlike nonBPDs that grieve instantly, they seem ok at first and then start to feel bad after a period of time. Either way, we're all better off and I know this. Just still hurts.  :'(
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Recooperating
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« Reply #8 on: November 03, 2014, 03:52:20 PM »

Hey KC!

To start of on a positive note: day 8 NC! Thats great! It means you made it through the weekend!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

I remember we once were day 1 buddies back in august. I too have broken NC since then and recycled after almost 1 month NC. For me it was the 2 week marker. I was fine the first 2 weeks, then agony came in. After 2 weeks of agony I couldnt take it anymore and broke NC. We kind of recycled went LC, but ___ came down the hill fast! 2 weeks later we were broken up again!

Im now 1 month and 2 days NC again and I can tell you if you it really gets better! Yesterday I even kissed another man! I never would have thought I would ever be able to do that. Its nothing serious, I have known this man for about 10 years and he knows all about my ex and the history. I am not ready to pursue a rs yet, but being able to open up to this man and share some intimacy with another shows me I can get over this. And you can too KC!

Thr recipe is still the same... .Block, block, block! Block her number, her fb account, block whatsapp, text messages... .Block it all! I have noticed that every time my ex dysregulated, I dysregulated with him. I let myself get sucked into his drama. Being NC for me is the only way to re-regulate, get my own sanity back. Be stable again. Being in this rs did rubb off on me, my emotions were all over the place too! During my "LC/recycle" I didnt let that happen and now officially 2,5 months past break up, I am so much more stable and sane! But that did take me 1 month NC, 2 weeks LC and 2 weeks NC again.

Do your push ups, go out with friends even when you dont feel like it! Distract your mind! (I watched 4 season of game of thrones in 1 week to escape my thoughts). Laugh, laugh with friends, go dancing, go run, what ever. I tried to leave my phone at home when I went out to avoid the compulsive checking of messages (eventhough he was blocked). Replace the addiction of your exBPD with a healthy addiction! (Sports, baking, cooking, dancing, movies, gaming what ever)

Day 8 is hard KC, NC completely sucks, but its a gift to yourself. I wrote a letter to myself to read everytime I wanted to break NC and it helped me a lot!

Stay strong, be a though-ass, work through it! You can do it!
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antonio1213
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« Reply #9 on: November 03, 2014, 07:00:02 PM »

NC is hard. I keep on checking my phone every 5 min hoping that she suddenly changed and wanted to get back together. But I am 1 month and some odd days of NC as of now. I am going through withdrawals of her so badly right now. The reality is finally setting in right now that we are over completely and she is moving on.

Hang in there. Get away from the phone, cut your BPD outta your life and hang in there. It is hard but gets better and it is honestly necessary.
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Deeno02
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« Reply #10 on: November 03, 2014, 07:21:01 PM »

NC is hard. I keep on checking my phone every 5 min hoping that she suddenly changed and wanted to get back together. But I am 1 month and some odd days of NC as of now. I am going through withdrawals of her so badly right now. The reality is finally setting in right now that we are over completely and she is moving on.

Hang in there. Get away from the phone, cut your BPD outta your life and hang in there. It is hard but gets better and it is honestly necessary.

Never say never. They lurk. Shes with another guy right now 2 months b/u, but my neighbors say she walks her dog past my house. They are never gone totally. Just prepare yourself.
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willtimeheal
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« Reply #11 on: November 03, 2014, 07:24:01 PM »

Day 26 for me. Week two and week three were brutal. I cried a lot and was depressed. This week I am feeling better. Tim_Tom posted in a different thread try to look at the "what ifs" like this... .

What if I stayed?  What if I married her?  What if I let her continue to abuse me?  

When I am struggling with NC I try to get my mind to think like that. It helps push me thru the hard day's. I am grateful I can breathe and not to be walking on eggshells anymore.
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kc sunshine
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« Reply #12 on: November 03, 2014, 10:49:41 PM »

Hi you all-- thanks for these words of comfort and wisdom and also for making me  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Rifka! ("poor tree now has BPD written on it!" I might just have to go back to the tree and and BPD to the carving!)

Day 8 is almost done and I made it-- no contact. You guys are the best.
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kc sunshine
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« Reply #13 on: November 03, 2014, 10:51:07 PM »

P.S. Hooray Recooperating! One month and 2 days-- that is awesome. I wondered how you were doing!
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Aussie JJ
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« Reply #14 on: November 04, 2014, 04:03:30 AM »

I'm up to day 123 of L/C I still have to see her every week twice for our son when we have hand overs and also with some of the counsellign stuff my solicitor has organised to try and get more access to opur son for me. 

I have been thinking about this for a bit with a fair few threads popping up.  This is form last week when I sort of counted the days again.  It does get to the point wher eyou actually stop counting, seems like you are keeping the attachment to the person by counting the days at one point in time and when you get there, you stop counting, that was when I was able to finally start patchign it all together with more clarity. 

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=235743.0

Would sort of going through some of the things I experienced be of help for you guys? 

One thing I found really helpful was journalling, getting it all out, on here and in my personal scrapbook of random BPD breakup gems.  I learnt different stratergies to convert that anger and saddness at different points into constructive or positive things for me. 

On the right hand side there is a great overview of what we are all going through.  The five stages of detachment are something that takes time to work out however there are some great tools to process it all in the workshops forum and also that other members have posted previously. 

Anyone interested, it would be my experiences however there are a fair few old posts I would have to go and find to gather all the information that I have read from others ?

Remember, NC is a tool that we use to process it all, while being NC we learn and process what is happening to US and how we are going to deal with it all.  It isnt the be all and end all of what we are goign through NC is a tool to give us space and time to heal. 


AJJ. 
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kc sunshine
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« Reply #15 on: November 04, 2014, 06:16:52 AM »

Would sort of going through some of the things I experienced be of help for you guys? 

Yes, please Aussie! That would be great.
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tim_tom
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« Reply #16 on: November 04, 2014, 07:38:53 AM »

Honestly... .NC > Contact, in terms of my mood

I do a lot better when I am not hearing from her. The minute I get a text, or a call, I get sucked back into thinking about her, what she's doing, if she's happy, who she's with, why she's contact me. It doesn't bother me that much now, 3 months post BU as it did even a month ago, but it's still worse then NC.

I posted a friends with benefit thread a week or two ago, and eventually I realized that even considering moving forward with something like that was keeping my ties to her. I realized I was posting here more then I had been, and while I wasn't sad or depressed, she was still on my mind. No good.

Out of sight, out of mind!


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tim_tom
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« Reply #17 on: November 04, 2014, 07:47:07 AM »

Day 26 for me. Week two and week three were brutal. I cried a lot and was depressed. This week I am feeling better. Tim_Tom posted in a different thread try to look at the "what ifs" like this... .

What if I stayed?  What if I married her?  What if I let her continue to abuse me?  

When I am struggling with NC I try to get my mind to think like that. It helps push me thru the hard day's. I am grateful I can breathe and not to be walking on eggshells anymore.

Really glad it helped! I've healed so much from seeing how many people are in the same boat, how many stories could be my own, and how predictable their behavior is. I'm so glad that I'm able to give back a bit

It helps me to remember how much worse this could've been, earlier in the breakup I used to repeat a kind of mantra to myself

1) She is ill, a disordered mind

2) I was trying to have a healthy relationship with an unhealthy individual

3) That is not possible, in the past, present and future

It really helped cause I think enemy #1 of healing is bargaining... If I only did this then Y, If I got another chance I would do X. no no no!

They need to be open to accepting their dysfunction, and committed to working on it. With mine, the mere mention of therapy brought out extreme rage. So what is my option? Tuck my tail even further between my legs and live my life based on making her happy? (which is impossible?) Suppress my own needs, wants and desires cause she always comes first? Even if you do that, a lot of them seem to get board and cheat anyway. No thanks!
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