The dance begins anew?

[Tom P]

Hi everyone. Hope all is going ok.

My apologies for not contributing much recently. Due to my one of my jobs (i work part time in the haunt/entertainment industry) This past fortnight has been my equivelant of xmas workwise  javascript:void(0);

Following on from my recent experiences with my BPDex and her attempts to break no contact. There have been a few developments this past couple of weeks that have kind of turned my world a bit topsy turvy. After my last post (where i mentioned my ex texting me in the early hours regarding her being attacked by her neighbour) I heard nothing for quite some time, On the 30th whilst i was working my evening job i walked in with my gut instinct telling me that she would make contact with me that evening (that old sixth sense we all know of)sure enough when i picked up my phone around 11 pm (i did not have it on me throughout the night,as i was playing a costumed character and didnt want it visible) i looked at my phone and there as i somehow predicted,was a missed call and answerphone message. Curiosity got the better of me and i listened to it. She mentioned in the message she wanted to update me on her situation with her neighbour and would appreciate if i would speak to her. Foolishly i did. She told me that her neighbour had not just assaulted her,but sexually assaulted her (as much as it pains me to say this, i can not be 100 percent certain she is telling the truth,which if im honest makes me feel like a monster for even thinking that)

She continued on that she was having to live in a Bed and breakfast that week while they tried to sort out the situation (she is in secure accomodation as is the neighbour in question)at that point her conversation turned towards me and our former relationship,she got tearful,telling me she destroyed the best thing that ever happened to her (i asked her to clarify what she meant,she said me, which although technically true,she destroyed the relationship,not me myself as my life is beginning to improve this past week or so).She told me her life has fallen apart since i left,that she is ill,losing weight (that i can confirm,when i have seen her she looks very thin and drawn,obviously not eating) I decided i needed to speak to her about the lies she had spread about me, she initially flat out denied them (including the facebook status i mentioned in a previous post) but that then changed and told me she had instead started telling people the truth. That she knew i was a good person,she admired the fact i didnt drink alcohol (which goes against her previous projection onto me). She then proceeded to tell me she had been speaking to her therapists and mental health team that she wished we hadnt broken up,that she wanted me back and the one thing that could heal her right now is a hug from me. I mentioned the fact that her Best friend had told her that we shouldnt talk anymore,and that he seemed quite happy we were seperated. She told me his attitude was if she was happy then it was for the best,i asked her outright at that point "so since the break up,are you happy?" she replied back simply with "no,i havent been since we ended"

I will be honest i did feel for her, No matter the pain she put me through i cannot and will not be heartless towards her,as much as i wish i could be.The questions i need to ask you guys however are

1. Her allegations against her neighbour,do you believe they are true or possibly fabricated to get attention,and if they are true,is this the reason a find myself given a fresh coat of white paint?

2. She is undergoing DBT therapy is i previously spoke of,so is this possibly a sign that the therapy is beginning to work for her? she did lose her temper in our phone conversation at one point,then hung up. Only to call me back a few minutes later having calmed down to apologise

3. How much can i really believe about the discussion with my ex? although she was honest (or seemed to be)about quite a few things (including once more admitting to what she had done to me) There were still certain points where my gut told me she was lying about certain things .for example,she tried to palm off her status about the ex ruining her life onto her fiance before me. When quite clearly it was aimed at me (weirdly this made me think back to certain points in our relationship when she was triggered,and instead of seeing me,she saw and spoke to me as if i was him)

4. And  more importantly the last question,What would you guys do in this situation?

[enlighten me]

My ex wife accused her bf of raping her. This is after we had split uo. What she described was horrendous. After this we recycled only for her to dump me a month later.

I spoke with one of her friends about the rape a little while later and she was horrifief as what I told her was exactly what had happened to her a few years earlier. My personal opinion was that she had sex with the guy but wasnt happy about it for some reason so she decided to use a rape story to gain my sympathy. Im not saying you ex is lying but when I looked back I never saw any evidence of what she described. No bruising or bite marks. my ex didnt go yo the police and wouldnt let me dwal with it either.

As for DBT it is well documented how hard work and intense it can be for a pwBPD as they normally want a quick fix then maybe she thinks she wont need to do it if she gets you back.

Personally I would keep things as they are. Be there for when you are genuinly needed but dont get sucked back in or lwad them on. If she sticks to DBT and it works then maybe a eelationship can develop but you nay not be what she wants by then and may be a trigger for her.

[Infared]

Tom... .standing over here and just observing through your account... .Her whole situation is one giant dramafest with her at the center of all of this attention.

I dated someone who was histrionic and this is how it was. Didn't matter if the attention was negative or positive as long as there was lots of it and she was at the center of all of the attention...  If you described this situation to me and inserted the person I just mentioned (because I am far away from that now I can see it clearly, plus I watched further antics without me in the tempest), I would say that is some way she, as an adult had some responsibility in the "said" accusations even though she may say or even think she had no part in it. (She was also capable of causing the whole thing, misrepresenting it and playing victim to wallow in the self-centered drama).  I lived it and got out... .so I know this is true.

Here is the thing, what if you just stand back and let the Therapy, the assault and whatever evolve.  :)on't get pulled into the FOG and just observe from a distance. You may get some incredible clarity.

You sound very careful and apprehensive... .I am betting that there is a reason for that.

Also, she also sounds volatile, no?

At any rate I would tread VERY carefully, keep "taking care of you" in the forefront.