Life like a movie for my exBPDgf?

[antonio1213]

What does it mean when people say BPD's experience life like a movie. I have done a good bit of reading on it but I still  don't understand it all that well.

If that is the case than I can see why she left me and is perfectly okay with starting a new chapter in her life, and cutting me out. When they jump to the next scene in their movie do they ever look back? Am I just permanently out of her life now? It might have something to do with splitting, do they go together?

[fromheeltoheal]

Someone might have been using a metaphor of a movie to try and explain the disorder, although to me metaphors are second best to just explaining the disorder.  But since you brought it up, what kind of movie was it? 

Am I just permanently out of her life now?

  Never say never, but what do you want?

[fred6]

Looking back on the relationship. It was kind of like a movie in the respect that it's like it wasn't real. It's like we were two actors with scripts. Not to mention the ending of the relationship was so surreal.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

Like a movie in a cinema - there was a load of projection going on.  I knew what she was up to because she accused me of it.

[antonio1213]

Someone might have been using a metaphor of a movie to try and explain the disorder, although to me metaphors are second best to just explaining the disorder.  But since you brought it up, what kind of movie was it? 

Am I just permanently out of her life now?  Never say never, but what do you want?

I have heard it a couple of times so I just thought it was a common way of describing it. And my relationship was like a movie in the way prince charming comes to rescue the princess. It was like a fantasy, like we were meant to be together. Everyone saw what we had to go through to be together, and everyone thought we were the perfect couple.

I saw a demonstration on a video one time about how BPD experience the world. It was a drawing it showed that normal people experience the world like this _________ (a linear line, hopefully that looks like it) and BPD experience the world like this - - - - - (like in sections or phases).

And well what I want is different from what I need. I want her, and I miss her terribly bad. But I need to stay away from the BPD relationship, it is toxic.

[trappedinlove]

What does it mean when people say BPD's experience life like a movie. I have done a good bit of reading on it but I still  don't understand it all that well.

If that is the case than I can see why she left me and is perfectly okay with starting a new chapter in her life, and cutting me out. When they jump to the next scene in their movie do they ever look back? Am I just permanently out of her life now? It might have something to do with splitting, do they go together?

There are a few aspects to it:

1. Dissociation: BPDs that were abused as children and carry co-morbid CPTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) develop ways to cope with painful experiences by dissociating themselves from them as a survival tool.  In a dissociated state they would experience reality as someone watching a movie vs. participating and experiencing it.

2. Objectifying people: Some BPDs tend to use others as objects to fulfill their needs - like to fill a void when they feel empty and hollow, or sooth themselves using sex, or provide a family-like environment to give them a sense of partnership and family that they've missed all their lives.  The thing is that they "stage" others based on a "typecast" to act in their "life script" since they want and need the other's function rather than the other as a person.

[Pingo]

That's an interesting metaphor.  I spent 4 yrs with my uBPDexh and even near the end I remember looking at him and wondering 'who are you'?  There was something so unfamiliar about him.  I couldn't understand this feeling (maybe purely mistrust?).  I had been married previously (10 yrs) and although I had a lot of problems in my first marriage, I 'knew' him.  There was nothing hidden, no façade.  I never had that feeling in my second marriage, maybe I was suspecting that everything was fictional on some level.  Looking back at the r/s, it was like a bad dream, so surreal.  So a movie metaphor isn't so far off.

[antonio1213]

That's an interesting metaphor.  I spent 4 yrs with my uBPDexh and even near the end I remember looking at him and wondering 'who are you'?  There was something so unfamiliar about him.  I couldn't understand this feeling (maybe purely mistrust?).  I had been married previously (10 yrs) and although I had a lot of problems in my first marriage, I 'knew' him.  There was nothing hidden, no façade.  I never had that feeling in my second marriage, maybe I was suspecting that everything was fictional on some level.  Looking back at the r/s, it was like a bad dream, so surreal.  So a movie metaphor isn't so far off.

My relationship wasn't that long but I remember looking at her not recognizing her. Or looking at her thinking she was a child. The movie metaphor helps because it is shows just how they think in the moment. And when that scene is used up it is one to the next one. The whole experience is really surreal. I can't believe I went through everything I went through, and the way I did.

The idealization phase is like straight out of a love novel. The hater phase is like straight out of a bad movie.

[fromheeltoheal]

If we lack the education and experience to know what a healthy relationship is, because we were never taught and weren't given a good example by our parents for example, we'll look for clues wherever we can find them: movies, TV shows, Jerry Springer, Dr. Phil, Oprah, religion, reality TV.  If the relationship we create with a borderline ends up being a fantasy, what was the template for that fantasy?  I was certainly living a fantasy, an idealized dream-come-true romance, and I think she got most of what she considered good relationship knowledge from the Gilmore Girls.  At least it wasn't Pulp Fiction.  But real world relationships are very different from Hollywood creations, and I needed to get a clue.

[Pingo]

If we lack the education and experience to know what a healthy relationship is, because we were never taught and weren't given a good example by our parents for example, we'll look for clues wherever we can find them: movies, TV shows, Jerry Springer, Dr. Phil, Oprah, religion, reality TV.  If the relationship we create with a borderline ends up being a fantasy, what was the template for that fantasy?  I was certainly living a fantasy, an idealized dream-come-true romance, and I think she got most of what she considered good relationship knowledge from the Gilmore Girls.  At least it wasn't Pulp Fiction.  But real world relationships are very different from Hollywood creations, and I needed to get a clue.

That is very true, most romance books/movie stories develop like our BPD r/ss did.  So if this is what we think is normal because we haven't grown up with normal, no wonder we got so swept up in the drama, romance, idealisation, 'I would die for you', being pursued hard, etc... .

[myself]

Also, in a time when there are so many other channels/options, leading to less focus, and so many things are made to be disposed of, it's no wonder some people also go this route in their personal lives.

[enlighten me]

Ive often thought my uBPDexs saw life as a movie or a song. I got the feeling tgat they expected the relationship to get to the happy ever aftwr ending. Unfortunately once youve had yhe romance abd the walking off into the sunset then normal life steps in. I think this is where devaluation begins. Once they get what their script says leads to a happy ending they then find that they havent got the happy ebding they expected.