I want her to leave me alone but she won't

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Why is it that they want us to leave them alone, even tell us when discarding us when they are the ones not leaving us alone at all when we follow their wish? Why do they use every opportunity to show up at events where they know we would be there? I’m sorry, but if I’m such a trigger for them how could they bear being at the same event, especially when they choose to be there voluntary when there’s not even a need anymore to attend?

I used to be in the same sports team as my xBPDgf. Whenever I got the ST she went to practice as if nothing would be wrong but did not contact me/talk to me. She didn’t go regularly to practice but when I got the ST she did.

Even right after the discard where she told me I should leave her alone finally she went to a match. Now I know it’s her team as well and she was the first to be in the team but still I think it’s weird.

After the discard she even bullied me in practice. Then she left the team because of some stupid reason (wasn’t allowed to play due to tactical reasons). She painted the whole team black, made sure that everyone knew she wouldn’t come back and hate the team. A month no single peep from her while she remained in our whatsapp-group-chat and BOOM, two days after her birthday (where I didn’t congratulate her) she showed up at a match and watched it.  It doesn’t make any sense. She shut the door very roughly and loudly when she left the team, there wouldn’t have been any need to push it open again and yet she did it. She showed up again. This is insane. When I tell someone to leave me alone then I also make sure I won’t be seeing them – especially when I know exactly that the person would be there and she knew I would be there.

I know I’m not allowed to complain openly about it because it was her team at some point after all. But she never even cared for the team, then she shows up out oft he blue? She never does something without a personal purpose. She always does things because they serve her. I mean, come on, this can't be just some innocent visit to watch her old team play. Not when she knows exactly I'm there... .

Why do they do that? Why do they tell us to leave them alone but they just pop up out of the blue when they feel like doing so? Are they afraid we might forget about them? Is it about control? Are they trying to reconcile?

In the past I always reacted to such happenings with contacting her but now I don’t do anymore. I’m afraid she might be upping the ante. I’m at a state of mind now where I won’t contact her, I don’t even know how or what to write her. But I’m afraid she might reach out and then I’d respond. I think I’d be vunerable still to do that.

Sometimes I even think going NC is encouraging them to do these things. It’s the uncertainty I don’t like. I feel like im getting paranoid. I didn’t expect her to show up at the match. I thought she’d get it when I didn’t congratulate her but it seems it triggered her even more to show up. I don’t know what’s coming next but I’m afraid. I hope she’s too narcissistic to try to contact me directly.

[misty_red]

Why is it that they want us to leave them alone, even tell us when discarding us when they are the ones not leaving us alone at all when we follow their wish? Why do they use every opportunity to show up at events where they know we would be there? I’m sorry, but if I’m such a trigger for them how could they bear being at the same event, especially when they choose to be there voluntary when there’s not even a need anymore to attend?

I used to be in the same sports team as my xBPDgf. Whenever I got the ST she went to practice as if nothing would be wrong but did not contact me/talk to me. She didn’t go regularly to practice but when I got the ST she did.

Even right after the discard where she told me I should leave her alone finally she went to a match. Now I know it’s her team as well and she was the first to be in the team but still I think it’s weird.

After the discard she even bullied me in practice. Then she left the team because of some stupid reason (wasn’t allowed to play due to tactical reasons). She painted the whole team black, made sure that everyone knew she wouldn’t come back and hate the team. A month no single peep from her while she remained in our whatsapp-group-chat and BOOM, two days after her birthday (where I didn’t congratulate her) she showed up at a match and watched it.  It doesn’t make any sense. She shut the door very roughly and loudly when she left the team, there wouldn’t have been any need to push it open again and yet she did it. She showed up again. This is insane. When I tell someone to leave me alone then I also make sure I won’t be seeing them – especially when I know exactly that the person would be there and she knew I would be there.

I know I’m not allowed to complain openly about it because it was her team at some point after all. But she never even cared for the team, then she shows up out oft he blue? She never does something without a personal purpose. She always does things because they serve her. I mean, come on, this can't be just some innocent visit to watch her old team play. Not when she knows exactly I'm there... .

Why do they do that? Why do they tell us to leave them alone but they just pop up out of the blue when they feel like doing so? Are they afraid we might forget about them? Is it about control? Are they trying to reconcile?

In the past I always reacted to such happenings with contacting her but now I don’t do anymore. I’m afraid she might be upping the ante. I’m at a state of mind now where I won’t contact her, I don’t even know how or what to write her. But I’m afraid she might reach out and then I’d respond. I think I’d be vunerable still to do that.

Sometimes I even think going NC is encouraging them to do these things. It’s the uncertainty I don’t like. I feel like im getting paranoid. I didn’t expect her to show up at the match. I thought she’d get it when I didn’t congratulate her but it seems it triggered her even more to show up. I don’t know what’s coming next but I’m afraid. I hope she’s too narcissistic to try to contact me directly.

[clydegriffith]

They won't leave you alone until they have another victim sucked in 100%. After breakingup with the BPDx, she would constantly try to get me to see her and try to seduce me while she was seeing other guys but they had not been in reeled in yet. She finally stopped after she got one of the poor suckers to propose to her. As i'm sure you can guess that engagement didnt end well.

[misty_red]

Well, she actually had someone else but I guess it didn't work out. There was some quiet time for about a month but then she reappeared - but she won't try to contact me directly. But she's living very private and never goes out. The one guy she met at a staff training but it was long distance. She doesn't have any friends left and she really hates meeting new people in the first place. She's a very withdrawn person and seems like a hermit. I'm afraid she won't find a replacement again and try to come back. Ugh. I don't know. Thing is: she was looking forward to being transferred to another city but that doesn't work out now and there's a big possibility it won't happen anyway. Maybe that's the reason she's back because she has to stay here and find friends again/reconcile with old friends. I don't know... .I just want to be save.