Hi funfunctional! Yep, unfortunately I can relate to all that. I have seen this my whole life, but for years I wasnt aware it wasnt "normal. I realized I was missing having a family while already in university I visited a friends home and all her relatives were normal and enjoying themselves. Meanwhile my own family was a battleground... .
The divide and conquer, the fights, the manipulative and controlling behaviours... .its all still there, Im just far from it. In my family it was very confusing, loyalties (if you can use that word) changed from time to time... .They badmouthed a relative and then were best friends, all depending if it suited them at the time. If you agreed when they badmouthed, you could expect that info to be passed ahead and used against you. I was caught up in a game I didnt even know was going on.
And the saddest part of it is it goes in at least 5 generations in my family (I wasnt born when the first one was alive, but the behaviours scream BPD/ enablers all over the place). Im the forth generation but even the 5th is affected, lots of N traits there, since early teenage years (Im NC with them so I have no clue now, but given the history I dont think there will be any improvement).
I decided this wasnt healthy for me at all and I prefered to mourn the loss of a family I never had to continue to have some kind of interaction. It was very draining for me and I didnt like the role I was assigned when born, so I have quit the play. Im out of that scenario. But ocasionaly (rarely) somebody phones me and makes some comment on how well they are doing financially (all smoke and mirrors) or the recent fight and try to drag me in. I just change the subject or say somebody is at the door. The latest development is they got appaled I didnt care for their news ""who dares not to care about us, the royalty?" ) Its interesting to see how it develops in cycles, over and over again, always the same plot and characters... .Its a boring play, I can tell u!
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