Dos and donts of BPD courting rituals

[Chasing_Ghosts]

I want to chase her. Ive been trying to suppress the urge but i really cant hold it in anymore. I love her and i want nothing less then to get her back. She keeps reaching out to me. And every time she makes it a point to tell me how she either feels alone or is alone ins some event etc. told me she loved me and missed me a few weeks back as well. I know she still has feelings for me. But everytime i she or i suggests to hang out... well it never happens. She does work 50+ hours a week so i can understand. I just miss her and i feel like both of us have been to stubborn to outright just say that we want the other back. Would it be a good idea typically to chase a BPD whos pulling? Would it be as easy as me spilling out my heart or would that just engulf her? Any advice would be appreciated.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Skip]

Would it be a good idea typically to chase a BPD whos pulling? Would it be as easy as me spilling out my heart or would that just engulf her? Any advice would be appreciated.

Ghosts'

I think the biggest question is what can the two of you do different to give this next shot a better chance... .and then are you willing to do it.

You've recycled 8 times.  Don't repeat the past - its important to do something different.

[Jessica84]

I wouldn't recommend chasing her. Resist that urge. BPDs can be powerfully intoxicating. Until you wake up with a BPD hangover feeling lost, confused, hurting and all alone. Stay "sober", so to speak. Rather than suggesting you run for the hills (which may be good advice? I don't know your situation), I would recommend the book "Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder" to learn more about the disorder and what to do/not to do. Meditation is great for getting yourself in balance, but knowledge and awareness will help you make your decision. Good luck!

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Would it be a good idea typically to chase a BPD whos pulling? Would it be as easy as me spilling out my heart or would that just engulf her? Any advice would be appreciated.

Ghosts'

I think the biggest question is what can the two of you do different to give this next shot a better chance... .and then are you willing to do it.

You've recycled 8 times.  Don't repeat the past - its important to do something different.

Thanks for the response Skip,

Yes i totally agree. And now for the first im looking back at what i did. For the first time im taking responsibility for my part in that i feel i was too controlling and demanding of things that she simply couldnt provide. But at that point i didnt realize really what went into the disorder to grasp that. The more i look at the path ive taken the more solutions i see for the future. The more i learn about how to change my reaction to her actions the more i realize there is hope. I see a future for us i just realize i have to be the rock, her solid ground. I have to be her port in the storm that is her inner struggle. She needs unconditional love and honestly i think im finally ready to give that because ive finally learned to love myself. I believe self love is the containment i needed all along to be able to finally ground myself enough to be what she needed all along.

Thanks jessica i will definitely have to check out that book! The more resources the better!

[Jessica84]

Chasing_Ghosts - I'm only on Chapter 2. So far the info in this book, combined with what I've read on this site, has been very enlightening. I too see where I made many mistakes, assumptions, had unrealistic expectations. I had no idea I was dealing with BPD. "Walking on Eggshells" is another good book. That's how I found this website. But "Loving someone with BPD" seems to give even more detail and insight into the causes/reasons behind BPD behavior.

[Skip]

We profiled the book here:

https://bpdfamily.com/book-reviews/loving-someone-borderline-personality-disorder

It's a helpful resource as Jessica84 says.  Shari has some good youtube videos.