FOO making it difficult to completely detach

[vortex of confusion]

I know. I am a grown adult and my FOO shouldn't have anything to do with any decision I make. Last night, I was on the phone with my brother. He had a blow up with our parents. That is a pattern that has been repeated over and over my entire life. My parents will have it out with one of us kids and there will be no contact for a while. Then, things will settle down and people get comfortable and things go back to being happy until more crap happens and then there is another blow up and rage fest.

One of the things that attracted me to my husband was his boringness. All of the things that I liked in the beginning are not things that bug the hell out of me. His quiet passive/aggressive BS was actually refreshing in light of the loud and obnoxious and scary rage fests that I witnessed as a kid. I felt my husband was safe. Plus, I have always had this idea in the back of my head that as long as I am married, my parents will back off and leave me alone to a degree. When I was in college, I dated a guy that I thought was the love of my life. My parents didn't like him so they did everything in their power to break us up. My dad even went so far as to say, "If you stay with him, I will do everything in my power to make your life a living hell." Needless to say, I left that guy. It is funny because all of the dire predictions that they told me about what my life would be like that guy have come true only I am not with that guy. I am with my husband. They told me that I would end up isolated and be stuck at home barefoot and pregnant.

Anyway, in talking to my brother last night, it hit me that I would rather deal with the bull___ that my husband dishes out than take a chance on being a single parent and have my FOO move in like vultures. I am not imagining things. My mother likes to feel needed and there is no in between with her. If she thinks you need her and can't live without her, then she is all about helping you and being a martyr and sacrificing herself to take care of you. However, it comes with a very high price that I am NOT willing to pay.

Maybe I am being naive but I think I can detach from my husband emotionally while still living with him. I am going to have to be really strong and have one hell of a strong plan in place to get out from under my husband while protecting myself from my FOO and becoming vulnerable to them. Is there anybody else out there that has had to deal with a similar situation? I know the obvious answer is to leave my husband and tell my FOO to go f**k themselves. It isn't that easy to do as I have 4 kids that I have to protect. My family is not above calling CPS or the police as a way to manipulate people into doing what they want. If there is a man in the picture (even a crappy one), they are a lot less likely to resort to those tactics.

Hmmmm, maybe I am turning the tables and using my husband like he has used me all these years. If he wants me to be some kind of status symbol, fine. He can be a token man. No sex, no intimacy, no romance. Coparents living in the same house.