disappearing

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

This might sound a little strange but ever since my split with my BPDexgf i have this strange feeling like im disappearing, i have no joy left for anything i used to like doing its like it feels like the world around is fading. Has any one else here experienced this?.

[neverloveagain]

This might sound a little strange but ever since my split with my BPDexgf i have this strange feeling like im disappearing, i have no joy left for anything i used to like doing its like it feels like the world around is fading. Has any one else here experienced this?.

[Raybo48]

Yes.  We tend to lose ourselves in their drama and chaos so when it's over the world gets a lot more quiet and you feel very alone.  It's pretty normal what you are feeling, right after a break up.

[clydegriffith]

I often felt like this too because she has me in a financial choak hold as she entrapped me with a child. It would be nice to just have a fresh start somewhere and perhaps have a real family one day with a normal person.

[EaglesJuju]

This might sound a little strange but ever since my split with my BPDexgf i have this strange feeling like im disappearing, i have no joy left for anything i used to like doing its like it feels like the world around is fading. Has any one else here experienced this?.

I felt this way too.  I think it was the fact that I was incredibly emotionally invested in my relationship.  In essence, a large part of me was/is with my bf.  Also, a large part of my identity/self-esteem was reliant on him.  I questioned who was I, if I could not help, fix, or nurture him.   I lost joy in things that I once loved, mainly because of my co-dependency and depression.  It takes time to heal.  Focus and work on yourself, slowly you will get back to a place where you can find joy again.

[Deeno02]

This might sound a little strange but ever since my split with my BPDexgf i have this strange feeling like im disappearing, i have no joy left for anything i used to like doing its like it feels like the world around is fading. Has any one else here experienced this?.

I felt this way too.  I think it was the fact that I was incredibly emotionally invested in my relationship.  In essence, a large part of me was/is with my bf.  Also, a large part of my identity/self-esteem was reliant on him.  I questioned who was I, if I could not help, fix, or nurture him.   I lost joy in things that I once loved, mainly because of my co-dependency and depression.  It takes time to heal.  Focus and work on yourself, slowly you will get back to a place where you can find joy again.

I'll go one better. After this R/S and being replaced, I dont even feel like I existed.Boom. Dumped and on to the next guy days later. The 16 month r/s seems, for her, that it never happened. Me, on the other hand,I feel every minute, every hour, every day.

[EaglesJuju]

This might sound a little strange but ever since my split with my BPDexgf i have this strange feeling like im disappearing, i have no joy left for anything i used to like doing its like it feels like the world around is fading. Has any one else here experienced this?.

I felt this way too.  I think it was the fact that I was incredibly emotionally invested in my relationship.  In essence, a large part of me was/is with my bf.  Also, a large part of my identity/self-esteem was reliant on him.  I questioned who was I, if I could not help, fix, or nurture him.   I lost joy in things that I once loved, mainly because of my co-dependency and depression.  It takes time to heal.  Focus and work on yourself, slowly you will get back to a place where you can find joy again.

I'll go one better. After this R/S and being replaced, I dont even feel like I existed.Boom. Dumped and on to the next guy days later. The 16 month r/s seems, for her, that it never happened. Me, on the other hand,I feel every minute, every hour, every day.

Deeno, you have been going through a really tough time. It will get easier. I understand that you felt like you never existed to her.  Ask yourself this question, why does that affect or bother you so much?  You are familiar with pwBPD's maladaptive behaviors and know that Skeletor  is just her new supply. 

[Deeno02]

This might sound a little strange but ever since my split with my BPDexgf i have this strange feeling like im disappearing, i have no joy left for anything i used to like doing its like it feels like the world around is fading. Has any one else here experienced this?.

I felt this way too.  I think it was the fact that I was incredibly emotionally invested in my relationship.  In essence, a large part of me was/is with my bf.  Also, a large part of my identity/self-esteem was reliant on him.  I questioned who was I, if I could not help, fix, or nurture him.   I lost joy in things that I once loved, mainly because of my co-dependency and depression.  It takes time to heal.  Focus and work on yourself, slowly you will get back to a place where you can find joy again.

I'll go one better. After this R/S and being replaced, I dont even feel like I existed.Boom. Dumped and on to the next guy days later. The 16 month r/s seems, for her, that it never happened. Me, on the other hand,I feel every minute, every hour, every day.

Deeno, you have been going through a really tough time. It will get easier. I understand that you felt like you never existed to her.  Ask yourself this question, why does that affect or bother you so much?  You are familiar with pwBPD's maladaptive behaviors and know that Skeletor  is just her new supply.  

Oh I know that part Eagle. It was just the quickness of it. Shatters the mind. Plus the bond I had with her kids. I miss them too and never got to say goodbye. Thats why I kind of feel non-existant. I know Skeletor will get his one day... .

[Raybo48]

I completely get what Deeno is going through.  When they get someone so quickly you feel like your feelings are 100% invalidated by them, hence you cease to exist in their mind because they are 100% invested in their new supply.  It's really hard to wrap your mind around that because we don't feel that way about them or anyone else for that matter.  It's not how we are wired, thank god.

[Deeno02]

I completely get what Deeno is going through.  When they get someone so quickly you feel like your feelings are 100% invalidated by them, hence you cease to exist in their mind because they are 100% invested in their new supply.  It's really hard to wrap your mind around that because we don't feel that way about them or anyone else for that matter.  It's not how we are wired, thank god.

Thats it. Because we actually care and we mourn a relationship, like normal folks. While they wont, until later or perhaps never.

[EaglesJuju]

This might sound a little strange but ever since my split with my BPDexgf i have this strange feeling like im disappearing, i have no joy left for anything i used to like doing its like it feels like the world around is fading. Has any one else here experienced this?.

I felt this way too.  I think it was the fact that I was incredibly emotionally invested in my relationship.  In essence, a large part of me was/is with my bf.  Also, a large part of my identity/self-esteem was reliant on him.  I questioned who was I, if I could not help, fix, or nurture him.   I lost joy in things that I once loved, mainly because of my co-dependency and depression.  It takes time to heal.  Focus and work on yourself, slowly you will get back to a place where you can find joy again.

I'll go one better. After this R/S and being replaced, I dont even feel like I existed.Boom. Dumped and on to the next guy days later. The 16 month r/s seems, for her, that it never happened. Me, on the other hand,I feel every minute, every hour, every day.

Deeno, you have been going through a really tough time. It will get easier. I understand that you felt like you never existed to her.  Ask yourself this question, why does that affect or bother you so much?  You are familiar with pwBPD's maladaptive behaviors and know that Skeletor  is just her new supply.  

Oh I know that part Eagle. It was just the quickness of it. Shatters the mind. Plus the bond I had with her kids. I miss them too and never got to say goodbye. Thats why I kind of feel non-existant. I know Skeletor will get his one day... .

I forgot about the kids. That must be really hard for you.  The abruptness of a pwBPD's departure is like someone knocking the wind out of you.  

[Deeno02]

This might sound a little strange but ever since my split with my BPDexgf i have this strange feeling like im disappearing, i have no joy left for anything i used to like doing its like it feels like the world around is fading. Has any one else here experienced this?.

I felt this way too.  I think it was the fact that I was incredibly emotionally invested in my relationship.  In essence, a large part of me was/is with my bf.  Also, a large part of my identity/self-esteem was reliant on him.  I questioned who was I, if I could not help, fix, or nurture him.   I lost joy in things that I once loved, mainly because of my co-dependency and depression.  It takes time to heal.  Focus and work on yourself, slowly you will get back to a place where you can find joy again.

I'll go one better. After this R/S and being replaced, I dont even feel like I existed.Boom. Dumped and on to the next guy days later. The 16 month r/s seems, for her, that it never happened. Me, on the other hand,I feel every minute, every hour, every day.

Deeno, you have been going through a really tough time. It will get easier. I understand that you felt like you never existed to her.  Ask yourself this question, why does that affect or bother you so much?  You are familiar with pwBPD's maladaptive behaviors and know that Skeletor  is just her new supply.  

Oh I know that part Eagle. It was just the quickness of it. Shatters the mind. Plus the bond I had with her kids. I miss them too and never got to say goodbye. Thats why I kind of feel non-existant. I know Skeletor will get his one day... .

I forgot about the kids. That must be really hard for you.  The abruptness of a pwBPD's departure is like someone knocking the wind out of you.  

Yeah. My son and her son are BFF's and she coaches them in HS Volleyball, My daughter, who is 20, looked after her 8 y/o daughter like a big sister and my daughter worshipped my gf as a mother figure, and I was close to her autistic son, whom I taught to tie his shoes, got him into football were he thrived as a quarterback, so her pulling the rug out really hurt my family pretty badly and am still working on that...

[Hope0807]

I felt the same and am slowly clawing my way out of this.  The fallout from a breakup with someone like this is like nothing anyone on the outside can even begin to understand.  While the pwBPD goes between black and white, they leave us in nothing but grey.  So yes, the colors, joys, and vibrancy of life gets sucked out.  Don't let their disorder be your demise.  At least that's what I'm telling myself.  I loved who I was before I met him.  I'll get there again.

Deeno,

If it's any consolation for your missing those kids…I miss losing the opportunity to have my own and I miss the dogs I had a tremendous bond with and had to leave behind.  I was with my ex for 7 years and created a tremendously passion-filled, purpose-driven business that he stole from me.  There's a ton I could go on about that I mourn, but you get my drift.  You are not alone.  Continue to post and vent.

[jo19854]

i know exactly how you feel. Same thing is happening to me at this moment. My wife left 9 months ago. out of the blue after a chemo treatment for Hep C that lasted 48 weeks.

I never heard of her again. She left everything behind. Most of her clothes, personal belongings, her dog and me.

After 11 years, i never felt unloved, we never had a fight or even a quarrel. I know she lives in USA, that's all. We lived and got married in Holland allmost 3 years ago. Not many people understand the devastating effect of sudden abandonment. So what remains for me is isolation and i can't get over it.

Today i sent some flowers to a friend, i added a note;

"Let's try to forget the days when its been cloudy, and don't forget to always have a dream " .

That's my statement of the day.

To all of you from this fellowship and myself.

Hang in there and read these few lines over and over.

Jos