How many days NC?

[FlyingAway]

I'm at 21 days NC. Overall, it seems like it's getting a little easier, but I've been through several recycling occurrences over the last 15 months, which may be having the effect of making this time (I initiated the NC) somehow different. I'd reached my limit. I'd had enough.

I've been reading posts here for the past few weeks, and I was struck by a comment 2010 wrote a while back, which was something to the effect of, "It takes 90 days for us to "detox" from an addiction. Most people have the hardest time around 80 days."

Can you share your experience? Thanks!

[Deeno02]

I'm at 21 days NC. Overall, it seems like it's getting a little easier, but I've been through several recycling occurrences over the last 15 months, which may be having the effect of making this time (I initiated the NC) somehow different. I'd reached my limit. I'd had enough.

I've been reading posts here for the past few weeks, and I was struck by a comment 2010 wrote a while back, which was something to the effect of, "It takes 90 days for us to "detox" from an addiction. Most people have the hardest time around 80 days."

Can you share your experience? Thanks!

42 days. Most have been hell, but slowly getting there. Still numb at being replaced so quick. But it is what it is...

[Raybo48]

My BPDxf contacted me last Sunday drunk.  I ignored two calls, and a text, but the third call with the ensuing VM she left pissed me off so I responded via text.  Very very bad idea for many reasons so it's only day 5 for me.  Can't imagine what I will feel like  at day 90, I hope a hell of a lot better than this.

[antonio1213]

I am 38 days NC. It is just really a strange feeling overall not having the connection anymore. It was really hard the first week, than it got easier until around the one month mark. That is when the real reality of the situation set in for me and it got harder and harder. Right now I am doing pretty good. I had to stop myself from writing down my feeling in a note and giving it to her, well people on here and reddit stopped me.

She is slowly fading into a distance memory and person. I don't like it and it is really uncomfortable but I can tell I am detoxing. It is a weird painful process. I wonder how I will be at the 90 day mark. Hopefully I will be completely done.

[camuse]

91 days here, and today was the first day I felt genuinely good about not having contact any more. I felt like losing contact was an improvement in my life, something to be thankful for. So maybe 90 days is a magical number

At 30 days I felt positive, relieved and exhilarated.

I found around 60 days, the emptiness of NC hit me, that there was to be no amazing prize at the end, and that it felt sad and like a loss.

But at 90 I felt grateful it was all over and in the past and that I was better off now.

Keep going.

[fred6]

Are we talking totally NO contact? We broke up July 20th and I moved out and last saw or talked to her on September 20th. Exactly 2 months from break up to move out date. Worst 2 months of my LIFE!

Since Sept. 20th I've exchanged a 3 texts and sent her a 99 cent birthday card last week. I have looked at her FB page 1-2 times a week even though I'm un-friended. I know, I'm weak. But this NC thing is new to me. I know it's the way forward, but 2 adults should be able to interact with each other even though they are not together. But I understand that she's got issues.

I don't know if it matters, but we have never broken up before, so there have been no recycles. I think that is where I'm stuck. I feel cheated that we didn't at least have a second chance to work on things. Sometimes I think that I want to try again. But she's so nasty to me for a reason that doesn't have anything to do with me. Then I think of what she's actually done to me and my logical mind takes over and I get mad as hell. I don't want her back, but some answers from her would be nice. Guess that I'll have to find my own answers

I think that I've done OK. Like Paul Newman said in Cool Hand Luke, "I'm gettin' my mind right boss". hahahaha

[FlyingAway]

Tomorrow's her birthday. I have no intention of contacting her. I imagine her replacement will be calling her, though (they live several states apart, due to work issues). It hurts a little, because even though she'd already technically dropped me for the replacement last year, I did call, and it set up several months of recycling interspersed with forced separations--requested by her, but always rescinded when she "missed" me. During those many months, she was living away from the replacement, who she took up with again this summer.

She's in the idealization stage with him. The last night I spoke with her, she called me to tell me how much she was going to miss him. It forced my hand into NC.

[Deeno02]

Tomorrow's her birthday. I have no intention of contacting her. I imagine her replacement will be calling her, though (they live several states apart, due to work issues). It hurts a little, because even though she'd already technically dropped me for the replacement last year, I did call, and it set up several months of recycling interspersed with forced separations--requested by her, but always rescinded when she "missed" me. During those many months, she was living away from the replacement, who she took up with again this summer.

She's in the idealization stage with him. The last night I spoke with her, she called me to tell me how much she was going to miss him. It forced my hand into NC.

I dont feel I accomplished a thing. Im still somewhat of a mess. Meanwhile shes out with the replacement.  This ___ blows

[freedom33]

I am at 80 days. I feel amazing. Now I can focus on myself and my life. I do get the occasional bad day. Today was a bit tougher than usual for me in the morning as it was her birthday... .it did not even cross my mind contacting her or sending her a card or anything. She is history to me and I am already seeing the benefits of having met her particularly around setting firmer boundaries with women. By the way reading the previous posts I noted that quite a few of our BPDxgf seem to have birthdays around this time of the year.

[kc sunshine]

Hi all,

I'm at 12 days NC after several attempts at NC. I've struggled with making NC mine, as it mostly has been not contacting her when she doesn't contact me (so not initiating contact), but then responding to her when she does. I think this one might be the last because we had a very difficult last fight and I brought up BPD and she got really really offended. So this NC feels very definitive, and I am struggling with the loss, even though I am profoundly ambivalent about the relationship.

I contacted her today-- a text and an apology note in a book of hers I needed to return. She hasn't replied and I don't think she will. Does that set me back to day 1 or since there was no actual contact can I keep to my day 12 count? At first I thought that writing the apology note would help to give me closure, and that I didn't have any expectations for her to respond, but now I know I was fooling myself. The fact that she didn't respond is super painful. Fall down six times, get up 7.

At times I feel okay, and at times I feel intense withdrawal symptoms. Really intense. It is a stressful time for me at work, and I think it intensifies the withdrawal symptoms.

[Raybo48]

Hi all,

I'm at 12 days NC after several attempts at NC. I've struggled with making NC mine, as it mostly has been not contacting her when she doesn't contact me (so not initiating contact), but then responding to her when she does. I think this one might be the last because we had a very difficult last fight and I brought up BPD and she got really really offended. So this NC feels very definitive, and I am struggling with the loss, even though I am profoundly ambivalent about the relationship.

I contacted her today-- a text and an apology note in a book of hers I needed to return. She hasn't replied and I don't think she will. Does that set me back to day 1 or since there was no actual contact can I keep to my day 12 count? At first I thought that writing the apology note would help to give me closure, and that I didn't have any expectations for her to respond, but now I know I was fooling myself. The fact that she didn't respond is super painful. Fall down six times, get up 7.

At times I feel okay, and at times I feel intense withdrawal symptoms. Really intense. It is a stressful time for me at work, and I think it intensifies the withdrawal symptoms.

I think it set you back a day.   I wish I could say that its definitive that ill never hear from my ex again, but with her alcoholism its almost a certainty that I will regardless of who is in her life or at what stage.  Doesn't matter because I'm taking my life back.  Last Sunday was incredibly abusive from her and I didn't even initiate the contact.  I honestly don't think its JUST pbd she is dealing with aside from alcoholism.  I personally feel there  are other personality disorders at work as well.  Not my problem anymore and every single time I start getting that  addict pull of one more hit I remind myself of how cruel she is and how dangerous she can be.   I'm only at day 5, but I'm done forever.

[kc sunshine]

So Raybo, does that mean that I'm on day 11 not day 1? That would be some consolation at least .

That is super rough about the alcohol-BPD combo. Mine loved to drink as well but it was hard to know how much of a problem it was for her (though it certainly did exacerbate her symptoms). Ugh.

[Raybo48]

So Raybo, does that mean that I'm on day 11 not day 1? That would be some consolation at least .

That is super rough about the alcohol-BPD combo. Mine loved to drink as well but it was hard to know how much of a problem it was for her (though it certainly did exacerbate her symptoms). Ugh.

Just go to 11, what the hell.   My ex was the most horrible alcoholic you'll ever see.  EPIC... Blew a 6 and the cops arrested her more than once for being a danger to herself.  That's not a .6 either, its a full blown 6.37 to be exact. The cop on the job for 35 years said he never saw anything like it... She did that a few  times and would morph into the most evil vengeful creature you ever saw.  I went into her house a few times to baby sit her while she  was on 5-10 day binges to make sure she didn't die.  I saw first hand what full blow BPD and that much of an addiction can do.  Scared the hell out of me... .Scared for my personal safety at times  as well... .NC is absolutely the best thing I could ever do for myself.  She starting to drink again now after being fairly sober for 9 months... .She's on a dating site and it says she's a "social drinker"... Those poor guys have no idea what is in store and are not equipped to handle the tornado heading their way... Not my problem anymore... .