Hey there, I recognize this in a different way. We lived in different cities and we deleted each other from FB so no chance of seeing each other pretending to be happy. It's been 1,5 weeks since I broke up.
But I nearly always remember my dreams, and I've been waking up the past week with dreams where I show (true) emotions that I'm not really allowing during the day. Example: in a dream my dBPDxbf is being a complete victim in a situation and it annoys the hell out of me. In the dream I don't only allow the irritation, I also show it to him without any remorse. I talk to friends where I say (without sugarcoating it) how annoying he can be and how much I hate it in him.
When I wake up... .I feel very calm and happy about the break-up. And instantly: I feel guilty. And anxious. Throughout the day I start feeling sorry for him and a wave of fear (of abandonment?) follows through my body which ignites a new few hours of 'oh no what did I do, I threw something incredible away, I have to contact him to make sure I still have a chance in the future'.
I know I feel guilty for making the best choice
for me, for choosing my own path.
And I know where that pattern was created... .it's not a coincidence my father plays a role in my dreams these last few days either.
My T said earlier that these are all feelings that are natural and that you just have to learn to bear them. They will leave after a few hours, so it's best not to act upon them. If one stays for weeks, you might want to to examine that a bit further.
Good luck, keep following your own path out of the FOG
