Having a very hard time today

[Emelie Emelie]

It's been six months. He's certainly moved on. I'm trying to. I just feel so stuck. I don't know what to do anymore.

[Caredverymuch]

It's been six months. He's certainly moved on. I'm trying to. I just feel so stuck. I don't know what to do anymore.

Im sorry for your pain. Weekends are hard it seems for many, including myself. 

Remain NC and take care of you.  The father you stay away from any aspect of contact or triggering while continuing to work on only you, the better it will get. 

[Emelie Emelie]

Thank you Cared. Yes, weekends are the worst.

[willtimeheal]

It's been six months. He's certainly moved on. I'm trying to. I just feel so stuck. I don't know what to do anymore.

It's been 30 days NC but two and a half months apart. I hear you Emelie. I am stuck too. I feel alone and empty. Just know you are not alone.

[FlyingAway]

Emelie and Willtimeheal, I'm right with you. It's my former pwBPD's birthday. I miss her. We've not had contact (I blocked her from my phone, email and FB accounts 3 weeks ago). We haven't seen each other in over 5 months. Some days are easier, and some more difficult. This forum has been incredibly helpful. I wish none of us hurt, but it's where we are. At least we're in it together.

[Emelie Emelie]

Thanks Flying Away. Yes, we're in this together. Sometimes that's the only thing that helps.

[vortex of confusion]

Sending you a great big hug! 

I don't know what it feels like to be NC and feel lonely. I still live with mine and it is gut wrenching to live with somebody that treats you like you might as well not exist. If you ever felt that while with your ex-partner, remember that it is better to be alone by yourself than alone with someone else. I hate the weekends too because he is home and it just adds this huge friggin' exclamation mark on the fact that there isn't much left outside of the kids.

[willtimeheal]

I don't know what it feels like to be NC and feel lonely. I still live with mine and it is gut wrenching to live with somebody that treats you like you might as well not exist. If you ever felt that while with your ex-partner, remember that it is better to be alone by yourself than alone with someone else.

I am sorry vortex.  That is a horrible place to be in. I do remember feeling utterly alone even when we were together. She never knew I existed unless she needed something. Being with her was lonely and empty and being without her is lonely and empty.

[Deeno02]

Emelie and Willtimeheal, I'm right with you. It's my former pwBPD's birthday. I miss her. We've not had contact (I blocked her from my phone, email and FB accounts 3 weeks ago). We haven't seen each other in over 5 months. Some days are easier, and some more difficult. This forum has been incredibly helpful. I wish none of us hurt, but it's where we are. At least we're in it together.

You got me too. Over 2 months b/u, 42 days NC. Today is kind of rough. Im getting there, but god, why am i still in love with someone who was so mean to me and my kids?

[Caval]

Emelie,

I feel you.  I have had crushing Saturday for some reason.  You can read my Dear T post.  That pretty much sums it.  Hope you feel better soon.

[Mr.Downtrodden]

I'm still having a hard time. Things crumbled because of my BPDexGF's actions nearly 18 months ago.

Yet, I tried to remain friends, because I really care about her, and, I forgave her.

Doing so has recently caused myself more emotional trauma and merely prolonged having to deal with things and cope.

I'm paying for everything right now, and it is absolutely breaking me.

[willtimeheal]

Today I am struggling big time. I have cried most of the morning. I have been journaling just to get it out. It makes me cry harder. I don't know if I have the strength for this. I saw how happy she looks on FB with her replacement. I am a hypocrite. I tell people FB is an illusion. But yet here I stand crying my eyes out over it. Day 32 and it is kicking my butt. Does this pain ever end? 

[Deeno02]

Today I am struggling big time. I have cried most of the morning. I have been journaling just to get it out. It makes me cry harder. I don't know if I have the strength for this. I saw how happy she looks on FB with her replacement. I am a hypocrite. I tell people FB is an illusion. But yet here I stand crying my eyes out over it. Day 32 and it is kicking my butt. Does this pain ever end? 

No Contact. Do yourselves the biggest thing you can do. Drop her from everything social. Dont friend her, dont speak to her, dont contact her, drop all contact unless there is some reason you need to maintain limited contact, ie kids, house selling, etc. No contact is the way!

[Agent_of_Chaos]

Seems to be the down in the dumps thread so I thought I'd stop by.  First of all let me offer a really cheesy group hug:)  My uBPDx and broke up sept. 27th, and have been LC (solely texting) since OCT 6th.  I said that I wanted to stand by her and support her if she decided to go to therapy.  I am realizing now I think that I bit off more than I could chew.

I had my life planned out with her.  I've made sacrifices for her.  I've spent tons of money that I've had to work my a$$ off for on her or to help bail her out.  I gave and gave and gave in that relationship and feasted on the crumbs she gave me for validation. A 3 year relationship where I constantly provided strength for both of us and it was abolished at the drop of a hat.  I fought so damn hard and she didn't think twice about throwing it away.  She completely ambushed me.

So what am I doing?  Why am I maintaining a shallow friendship with someone who didn't think twice about my feelings?  It is absurd.  She gets what she wanted yet my future is no longer clear.  I'm left trying to put the pieces back together on my own b/c I sure as hell can't confide in her.  I know this is my own doing I am just venting.

We were meant to be going to a wedding the 15th together that had been planned for about 8 months so I think some emotions are being triggered.  Mentally I am tapping into some emotions that I may have been suppressing.