Saw my ex with my replacement and now I've been triggered

[BlackandBlue]

I have been doing so much better lately too... .this sucks  I was on my way to work and I just happen to look at the people in an oncoming car and sure enough it was her with the new guy. I've never seen him before and I didn't want to either. Now my mind is spinning with questions. "Is he that much better looking than me?", "does he have more money than me?", " is he better in the sack than me?", "what does he have that i dont?" These type of questions... .this sucks

[myself]

I've never seen him before

How do you know it was 'him'?

Remember how it went when she was with you?

Really good, then wth? Different people but she's the same.

[enlighten me]

My ex hasnt mentioned my replacement but I know she has one. Ive just seen him on facebook. Yes curiosity got the better of me. He'S 11 years older than me and lives away from her so she only see's him now and again. I dont worry about if he's better than me. I realise that for now he fulfills her needs. Eventually he will be devalued and then he will be replaced. He will join me in the long list of shattered hearts.

[Sandman1881]

I can imagine my replacement. And I'm sure he'll be next to her in court. If she can manage to keep him guessing for that long. If he is even more of a sucker than I was, he'll be there for sure. You know I would have been.

Before I met this chic, I hated guys that took it and kept coming back. I became the one thing I hated, with a woman that I always prayed to God I would avoid. Not so much luck.

Just think... .he thinks he "got lucky." - we know much better then he does. And if he's not watching his back (like we do now) F^ck him! He get's what we all know is coming to him. Just like WE did.

By now he's wondering what the hell he's still doing with this piece. JUST LIKE YOU AND I DID.

Don't continue to fool yourself. If it was them you believe you observed, more power to you. The sooner you eat this ___ too, the sooner you'll be looking for your next "love of a lifetime."

Be well. Now I'm going to get some beer & hot wings and hit on a few women. Just like I did before I met the devil herself. Go do some pull ups and push ups and then go do the same.

Writing this out is really helping. Send your writings to yourself via email and read them back in the future so you don't FORGET what some partners have the power to destroy. Stop giving away power.

[clydegriffith]

I have been doing so much better lately too... .this sucks  I was on my way to work and I just happen to look at the people in an oncoming car and sure enough it was her with the new guy. I've never seen him before and I didn't want to either. Now my mind is spinning with questions. "Is he that much better looking than me?", "does he have more money than me?", " is he better in the sack than me?", "what does he have that i dont?" These type of questions... .this sucks

You really can't stress yourself out over the things you asked yourself. The sole reason you are not with her (and probably why you had her in the first place) is because she has a mental illness. Not because she found someone better looking, or with more money or that's better in bed. It's because she has an illness. There were others before you, there will be others after you. You were just one of the stops. The sooner you realize that the better.

And what he has that you don't is the lack of knowledge as to who she really is. Through the BPD's vantage point anyone that doesnt known them > those that do.

[Deeno02]

Hers is an old college buddy. Good for her. I dont know him other than what her son showed me on the replacements FB. Im truly all out of ___s to give. Hes a skeleton and bald on top with a tuft of hair circling his head. Its not his fault, he's my replacement and I will save him a spot  when he gets ___ on. I have accepted that I didnt mean a damn thing to her. I was a confidence builder to her while separated/divorcing. She had me for 16 months until i could no longer meet the demands any longer... .next player please.

[BlackandBlue]

Thanks for replying guys. I don't know who else it would have been if it wasn't him. A young guy about her age. It's bad enough someone told me his name a few weeks ago and it was a name I saw in her phone when we were together... .i never wanted to know his name. She said it was someone she went to school with. I know he's gonna get what I got eventually. I don't even know how he could be still with her by now... .she was so emotionally draining, smothering and hard to be around a lot of the time. I know I dodged a bullet and should concider myself lucky but it still hurt. I've never loved someone as much as I loved her.

[Blimblam]

Blac and blu

I'm sorry.  Thinking about replacements and all that just about killed me. It won't work out for them. Things tend to last longer depending on how she expresses the disorder if she doesn't feel she fully has him yet so she's still trying to get him to let down his boundaries and let her in. "You have to invite a vampire inside"

[Deeno02]

Thanks for replying guys. I don't know who else it would have been if it wasn't him. A young guy about her age. It's bad enough someone told me his name a few weeks ago and it was a name I saw in her phone when we were together... .i never wanted to know his name. She said it was someone she went to school with. I know he's gonna get what I got eventually. I don't even know how he could be still with her by now... .she was so emotionally draining, smothering and hard to be around a lot of the time. I know I dodged a bullet and should concider myself lucky but it still hurt. I've never loved someone as much as I loved her.

I love mine dearly, however, Im not going to keep getting abused and devalued. We are all better than that and deserve better. Shes on her own. Im done. Shes someone elses problem. Your going to feel that way for a bit, sorry to say. Ive been there, done that. Not gonna lie, it still bothers me with which the quickness at which i was replaced, mind numbing, but her BS isnt my problem anymore!

[clydegriffith]

Blac and blu

I'm sorry.  Thinking about replacements and all that just about killed me. It won't work out for them. Things tend to last longer depending on how she expresses the disorder if she doesn't feel she fully has him yet so she's still trying to get him to let down his boundaries and let her in. "You have to invite a vampire inside"

Right on the money with that line.

It's funny how before they really have you they will cater to your every need and pretend to like the same things as you all in an effort to make you think you've found the love of your life. They are not. The person you thought you loved isnt real it was a character being played by a mentally ill person to get what they wanted at that time.

[BlackandBlue]

Blac and blu

I'm sorry.  Thinking about replacements and all that just about killed me. It won't work out for them. Things tend to last longer depending on how she expresses the disorder if she doesn't feel she fully has him yet so she's still trying to get him to let down his boundaries and let her in. "You have to invite a vampire inside"

Right on the money with that line.

It's funny how before they really have you they will cater to your every need and pretend to like the same things as you all in an effort to make you think you've found the love of your life. They are not. The person you thought you loved isnt real it was a character being played by a mentally ill person to get what they wanted at that time.

This is exactly what my ex did to me. She took on all of my interests and practically became me. It was kinda said watching her try so hard. It often made me feel uncomfortable

[clydegriffith]

Excatly. Initially it's all about you. In retrospect, in my case at least, it was a little too much about me. I now see any sort of obession like this from someone i just met as a huge red flag. Oh but once they have you it's kind of like they have to make up for catering to you for whatever amount of time it took them. Once they have you the mask comes off and you pretty much live to serve them.

[SeaShellz]

My xBPDbf catered to my ever need throughout the relationship. He even paid the down payment on my car and made half the car payment even after 3 years of being together.

I find myself feeling like i want to be with someone clingy, jealous, and desperate for a close relationship with me. I guess thats my feelings of unworthiness and low self esteem that make me crave this type of relationship. But with a borderline, the very bad qualities have to come with that.

Not even 2 weeks after the breakup and NC, hes "in love" with someone else. It hurts like hell, i wont lie. I dont want to continue living like i did for almost 4 years with him, and am starting therapy this week for help on desperately wanting someone so bad for me and all the severe sadness im feeling. My friends just say to get over him... .likes its a switch i can turn off. I cant help i have feelings. Im a decent person. Thats why i fear the day he might call to recycle this once again... .im afraid he will be crying like always and ill just want to make it okay like i always did for him. But im not okay right now and where is he? In someone elses bed.

[LApak]

Oh honey- I kinda feel UR pain !   I haven't left my guy... .Yet. But I know that he will have me replaced quick , sometimes I wonder if that's why I don't take the "break".  What I can tell U is U have to know and know in UR heart, U made the choice to leave because it was the right choice! U had the strength that someone like me envies... .YOU DID IT BECAUSE YOU ARE STRONG!   Remember, someday U will have another partner minus the hell you have been thru!  Please please try to see it that way.  And also, BPD's can't be alone-  doesn't mean the love U had DIDNT count , it means there's somebody, anybody to fill their void-   DONT GO BACK- YOU HAD THE STRENGH! And I'm sure it wasn't easy... .U wanna have to do it again all over?   Best of luck -  xoxo

[SeaShellz]

Actually LApak, im no better than you. I didnt leave even though i wished all the time i could turn my back on him. I could not have made the choice to leave on my own and im so ashamed of that fact. I tried leaving before but i went back after only a week. When we broke up 2 weeks ago, it was sort of mutual. Or he thought i was forcing him to leave because i threatened to call the cops over his raging that day. So called them before me and called his mom to come get him. He didnt cry much this last time. Only a little. And screamed, "Why does everyone hate me?" He never tried to call and i know for a fact hes done the smear campaign.

I have no interest in others right now but feel so alone.

[LApak]

It's really crazy to me the power of loving someone can be- I've loved, but I feel like I've never been this deeply in my life- this man has turned me upside down-  UR guy ever stray or just flip out?  Just curious?

[BlackandBlue]

For the first two months after the break up I tried being friends with her but it wasn't possible. She was grooming her new supply and was out with them most of the time. She would only be my friend if she needed something. When I would bring it to her attention she would flip on me and project such mean and nasty stuff at me. We use to work together and I began noticing she was taking interests in new things. Things she didn't like while with me... .some of which she said she hated (watching sports) suddenly she was a soccer and hockey fan. I guess that's what my replacement is into. Oh craft beers too... .how could I forget that. She didn't drink while with me.

[SeaShellz]

It's really crazy to me the power of loving someone can be- I've loved, but I feel like I've never been this deeply in my life- this man has turned me upside down-  UR guy ever stray or just flip out?  Just curious?

He strayed once that i know of and flipped out about maybe 15-20 times in 4 years. Cut his wrists, told lies about me, got me put in jail twice, accused me of cheating, demanded all my time, was a pot head that had to have it every day or he would sell the shirt off his back, blew his SSI check, got really stupid and crazy when he drank liquor, and embarassed me in public with his craziness and Beligerance. I am mad at myself for  hanging on for 4 yrs for him to forget about me like i never mattered!