did she ever love me?

[jflc]

we broke up and 2 weeks later she was already dating someone else, and seemed in love... how is this even possible?

we were together for more than 1 year, and she seemed crazy about me... did she never really love me at all? was it all a lie? am i here crying missing her bc of the intensity of what we had, and is she just not thinking about me at all?

please be sincere... will she call to try and get back with me like she did before she could find another serious relationship?

[Waifed]

we broke up and 2 weeks later she was already dating someone else, and seemed in love... how is this even possible?

we were together for more than 1 year, and she seemed crazy about me... did she never really love me at all? was it all a lie? am i here crying missing her bc of the intensity of what we had, and is she just not thinking about me at all?

please be sincere... will she call to try and get back with me like she did before she could find another serious relationship?

The love a BPD feels is similar to the love a child feels for their parent. They need the parent to survive. When the parent does something to upset the child then he gets mad and "hates" the parent.

BPD are emotionally stunted and stuck in early childhood. The lies, manipulation, etc are primitive coping tools that we learn as children but as we grow and mature we learn different methods of coping and relating to others.

She may call you back when her new relationship begins to weaken. You don't want her back. Once the relationship has deteriorated to this point it will just continue to worsen. You couldn't have done anything differently to change this. It is likely a pattern she has repeated and will continue in the future.

You did mean something to her. It's all very confusing and you can spend the rest of your life trying to make sense of it. The fact of the matter is she doesn't know why she does these things. They feel strongly about things but their feelings are fleeting, changing like the wind.

[jflc]

im feeling so insecure, blaming myself for not being good enough for her... thinking that i mustve been ___ for her to find herself a replacement so fast... is it normal to feel this way? im obsessing about her thinking i still love her too...

[Waifed]

im feeling so insecure, blaming myself for not being good enough for her... thinking that i mustve been ___ for her to find herself a replacement so fast... is it normal to feel this way? im obsessing about her thinking i still love her too...

It's totally normal. You are probably feeling addicted to her. Read about trauma bonding and PTSD. What you are feeling is typical. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT SHE FOUND A REPLACEMENT SO FAST. It happened to me too and almost everyone else on here. It's what the majority of them do. It's cruel and heartless to us, but for them it's survival.

[Craydar]

im feeling so insecure, blaming myself for not being good enough for her... thinking that i mustve been ___ for her to find herself a replacement so fast... is it normal to feel this way? im obsessing about her thinking i still love her too...

You're reading my mind. I could have written this verbatim.

[Swede83]

Hi there!

I know exactly how you feel! I have the same thoughts right now about my ex!

I was the best guy she has ever met, never felt this way etc.

We were also together 1 year! The last month didn`t work out so well so she send me an SMS a Saturday and say that this was over! The same evening she met this new guy on a bar. One week later she wrote on Facebook that she has met the nicest guy she has ever met with a big Picture of him. They were on a weekend in Another Town, the same weekend she asked me about two weeks earlier. Two month later they have bought a house.

Now four month later I still wondering if she ever loved me for real or was it just a game and manipulation.

Don`t go there again my friend! I did that mistake with this girl. I must go to a therapist once a week to found out what happened and get to know myself better. Things are slowly getting clearer!

Try to look forward! Nothing will probably gets better with your girl! It gets worse! The most of them don`t feel empathy and she probebly doesn`t know have you feel right now at all.

Try to cut of the strong bond to her Before it`s to late!

Take care!

[going places]

we broke up and 2 weeks later she was already dating someone else, and seemed in love... how is this even possible?

we were together for more than 1 year, and she seemed crazy about me... did she never really love me at all? was it all a lie? am i here crying missing her bc of the intensity of what we had, and is she just not thinking about me at all?

please be sincere... will she call to try and get back with me like she did before she could find another serious relationship?

What is your definition of "love"?

[jflc]

the same one youre thinking of right now... true feelings for others, and not using them as a means to an end...

[Loveofhislife]

I'm probably echoing Waifed, but love=need for these guys. While I remember anger and disappointment that I felt toward my parents, I never remember hating them, but I get the point. Jflc--most, if not all of us, have felt what you are feeling. On another thread, I wrote that the psychic pain was so intense that it manifest into a debilitating eye condition. Three 1/2 months later, I am better in every way--thanks in part to this board and special BPD Family members. When they NEED you, you will hear from them. But LOVE truly is a 4-letter word for them.

[going places]

the same one youre thinking of right now... true feelings for others, and not using them as a means to an end...

Then no, she did not.

[Infared]

we broke up and 2 weeks later she was already dating someone else, and seemed in love... how is this even possible?

we were together for more than 1 year, and she seemed crazy about me... did she never really love me at all? was it all a lie? am i here crying missing her bc of the intensity of what we had, and is she just not thinking about me at all?

please be sincere... will she call to try and get back with me like she did before she could find another serious relationship?

The love a BPD feels is similar to the love a child feels for their parent. They need the parent to survive. When the parent does something to upset the child then he gets mad and "hates" the parent.

BPD are emotionally stunted and stuck in early childhood. The lies, manipulation, etc are primitive coping tools that we learn as children but as we grow and mature we learn different methods of coping and relating to others.

She may call you back when her new relationship begins to weaken. You don't want her back. Once the relationship has deteriorated to this point it will just continue to worsen. You couldn't have done anything differently to change this. It is likely a pattern she has repeated and will continue in the future.

You did mean something to her. It's all very confusing and you can spend the rest of your life trying to make sense of it. The fact of the matter is she doesn't know why she does these things. They feel strongly about things but their feelings are fleeting, changing like the wind.

WOW! Waifed... .that is the most perfect description of what I now know that I lived through.

Realizing this is difficult. I had no idea about BPD when I was in it.

JFIC ... it is an extremely difficult ending. The total bewilderment that she is completely wrapped around someone else and you are now the Big Bad Ogre. That pretty much nails it. You are dealing with the mind of a 10-yr. old in a woman's body.

All we can do is become aware, accept and heal ourselves. If she is truly a BPD all you can do is save yourself. I feel your pain.

[Deeno02]

im feeling so insecure, blaming myself for not being good enough for her... thinking that i mustve been ___ for her to find herself a replacement so fast... is it normal to feel this way? im obsessing about her thinking i still love her too...

It's totally normal. You are probably feeling addicted to her. Read about trauma bonding and PTSD. What you are feeling is typical. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT SHE FOUND A REPLACEMENT SO FAST. It happened to me too and almost everyone else on here. It's what the majority of them do. It's cruel and heartless to us, but for them it's survival.

Totally normal reaction. The second guessing, the thoughts, all classic signs and symptoms. I was married for 18 years to a lady who cheated on me and left me with 2 kids and this BPDGF RELATIONSHIP WAS WORSE THAN MY DIVORCE!