He spoke briefly to one of my friends about me

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Me and my xBPDbf broke up 2 weeks ago and no contact since then. It was complicated because of arguing and his mom's lying to him saying I  had another boyfriend on top of everything because she just doesnt want us together. 2 nights ago he facebooked a mutual friend (more mine) that he hardly ever spoke to before the break up. He asked her, "Have you seen my new girl yet? Do you think she looks better than Shelly (me)?" My friend answered... "well all that matters is what you think and if you're happy." Everyone thinks she's hideous actually. Then he said, "I have my issues but I'm a good man. It's her loss (mine)." He also said, "I am happy. I like her a lot and she likes me a lot and I plan on staying with her for a long time."

He also repeated to her what his mom told him which was a total lie: "Yeah she left me for a mexican."

I know it's silly to try to make sense of what BPDs say and that anything can come out of their mouths but... what would be the purpose of asking her is the replacement looks better than me? Or to say that it's my loss and he's a good man? He has been in his new relationship for 2 weeks now. By the way, the woman is still married possibly to a man in prison, had just got out of a relationship just a short time before this one with my ex, and she has a baby I do believe. They both seem to love each other very much already.

What are the chances this will last? He already seems to be treating her better than he did me. He is very disordered so will she tolerate it? Please understand all I went through with him... wrist cutting, crying, extreme professing of love for me, breaking furniture, throwing himself in front of moving vehicles... .this all would be done during perceived abandonment. Sometimes for very very small reasons. Will he control it with her since he seems to like her more than me?  

[SeaShellz]

Me and my xBPDbf broke up 2 weeks ago and no contact since then. It was complicated because of arguing and his mom's lying to him saying I  had another boyfriend on top of everything because she just doesnt want us together. 2 nights ago he facebooked a mutual friend (more mine) that he hardly ever spoke to before the break up. He asked her, "Have you seen my new girl yet? Do you think she looks better than Shelly (me)?" My friend answered... "well all that matters is what you think and if you're happy." Everyone thinks she's hideous actually. Then he said, "I have my issues but I'm a good man. It's her loss (mine)." He also said, "I am happy. I like her a lot and she likes me a lot and I plan on staying with her for a long time."

He also repeated to her what his mom told him which was a total lie: "Yeah she left me for a mexican."

I know it's silly to try to make sense of what BPDs say and that anything can come out of their mouths but... what would be the purpose of asking her is the replacement looks better than me? Or to say that it's my loss and he's a good man? He has been in his new relationship for 2 weeks now. By the way, the woman is still married possibly to a man in prison, had just got out of a relationship just a short time before this one with my ex, and she has a baby I do believe. They both seem to love each other very much already.

What are the chances this will last? He already seems to be treating her better than he did me. He is very disordered so will she tolerate it? Please understand all I went through with him... wrist cutting, crying, extreme professing of love for me, breaking furniture, throwing himself in front of moving vehicles... .this all would be done during perceived abandonment. Sometimes for very very small reasons. Will he control it with her since he seems to like her more than me?  

[Raybo48]

Well, for one a BPD individual isn't known for their maturity level and I'm sure you would agree that everything you described is pretty immature to put it mildly.  Mine was totally preoccupied with her looks and was constantly worried about getting old.  Just about every conversation I ever remember her having about another individual their looks/appearance came into it at some point.   Telling a mutual friend of yours (mainly yours) is the perfect way for you to find out and a perfect way to stir the pot of emotions that you have going on inside of you right now.  My BPDxgf never had a shortage of spoons for the pot, that I can tell you with absolute certainty.  You have to ignore stuff like that; it's coming from an emotionally arrested individual who's sole purpose right now is to get his needs met in one fashion or another.   

[SeaShellz]

Well, for one a BPD individual isn't known for their maturity level and I'm sure you would agree that everything you described is pretty immature to put it mildly.

/quote]

That's exactly what crossed my mind before i logged on here. I have my moments of clarity when i can force myself to think logically about it. I feel emotionally immature about it right now. And have

[SeaShellz]

Oops.

[Pieter2]

Mine did the same thing. She made it very clear to everyone that she has other options and has moved on, yet, she kept on phoning my family and raging as to why I cut her off and went totally NC. It was clear to me that all replacements were merely that - replacements. They were not me. She still wanted me and couldn't accept that I didn't want her back so she made all attempts to hurt me whilst also trying to vacuum me back in. Was very sad. The key is to stay strong and never fall for it. It is manipulation.