In therapy now

[vangirl60]

My ex left a couple of years ago because I was starting to call him on his behaviour. Since then he's contacted, tried to pull me in and triangulate me with his current gf. Luckily he's moved 6 hours away across a mountain range so there's no chance of running into him. Recently, I heard that he and the current gf broke up and he's now in therapy for the first time. My immediate thought was…he never did it for me? Why her? As soon as I mentioned this to a couple of friends they said don't be fooled- the leopard can't change his spots….Why am I rattled by this? Help!

[divinehammer]

I honestly think it's at least a positive step. I wouldn't take it personally that he didnt seek therapy when he was with you. I have learned that people have to do things at their own pace.

My ex talked about seeking therapy the whole time she was with me, but of course never did. I have a feeling she will hit a wall and a couple years and realize she needs it. Best of luck to you.

[divinehammer]

I also respect that you called him out on his behavior. Something I wish I had done.

[vangirl60]

It was good to call him out on his behaviour but that was near the end as I was getting wiser. Also, they bolt when you start doing that.

I know seeking therapy is a positive step but I can't help but be resentful. Also, I wonder…do they change? Can they?

[neverloveagain]

Hi vangirl just curious if he has moved far away how do you still hear about his life?. If and when he realises he has a problem he might get help but it takes years for them and that doesnt make them 'normal' just means they are able to keep better control of thier feelings. Also you know the drill does his actions match his words or is he just saying what she wants to hear him say?. Look after yourself try and look forward, not backwards.