Broke NC with my uBPD mom - ERRORS

[.cup.car]

To give some background, my parents were overprotective to the max when I was younger. My mom was always convinced there was something wrong with me and I needed to be shielded from anyone and anything that she didn't like. Other family members who tried to speak out against this were shunned by my mom and dad. When I hit high school, I became my own person and both of my folks saw this as a threat for different reasons. I noticed this behavior, I lashed out at them for it, and after a brief stint on medication, the final few years living with them were basically a war at home. It sucked, and I have the recordings to prove it. A year ago, almost to the day, my father assaulted both my aunt and I in her own home, and I got a protection order against my dad. My mom claimed my aunt and I made the entire thing up as a way for my aunt to get revenge on my mom for petty drama that happened a decade ago.

Yeah. That's how my mom operates. Probably nothing new to the people on here.

So despite this, my mom's been calling me monthly, claiming there's mail for me and I need to talk to her directly to pick it up. Usually, she starts the message with "important mail came for you, I don't know how to get it to you... .etc... ." then quickly changes the subject to "I miss you... .etc... .". She'll also send emails on appropriate occasions. Nothing I can get mad at, just slightly annoying.

For the longest time I haven't been responding to any of these. Over the summer I got tired of these attempts at contact and told her quite frankly to f--- off and that I didn't want to talk to her. Like clockwork, once a month she'd still call/email.

Today, she called regarding vehicle insurance/registration papers - something I actually need. I called back and attempted to have a conversation with her.

It didn't go well. I told her politely there are easy ways to get the papers to me (she works at my cousin's school), and she needs to leave me alone. Instead, she claimed she was "not allowed" to talk to my cousin, nor was she "allowed" to drop the papers off at my cousins house, who lives down the street from her. She then claimed my uncle and aunt had "poisoned me" with stories about her, and again claimed a very real assault was something my aunt and I had fabricated. In the same breath, she said she missed me, loved me very much, and wanted to talk with me once the protection order against my dad ends in a few days. Then, right back to calling me a liar and manipulative, saying she'd read my private blog and saw all the "lies" about her. I have sworn on the content of some of these blog entries in court regarding other issues so that should indicate a few things.

I'll be honest, I laughed at her. I can't believe a grown woman acts like this.

Anyone else have a similar experience? Like, the whole thing was just so comical... .

[Botswana Agate]

First of all, can you make sure that any and all insurance and important papers are in your name only and address current, as they pertain to you (car insurance, health insurance, bank statements, etc.) and make sure those places send all papers and correspondence to your home only?  And are you sure she has no access to your mail, like picking it up or taking it?

If you've done so, you can be sure that this is most likely a tactic to reel you back in.  Important places like your insurance carriers, health providers, banks, etc. will obviously send things to the most current address they have on hand, so if yours is up-to-date, you've nothing to worry about.  This is just a tactic for her to suck you back in.  She'll use the excuses of mail, important papers, statements. . . next it will be sickness or hospitalizations, either of relatives, her own or your father's.  I've experienced it.

 

[pessim-optimist]

Hello .cup.car,

As for your practical concerns with mail - you could get a  P.O.Box and have your mom send anything there.

As for the car insurance/registration - there should be a way for you to get a duplicate directly from the insurance company and go with your old registration directly to the office, pay and get a new one on the spot.

I'll be honest, I laughed at her. I can't believe a grown woman acts like this.

Anyone else have a similar experience? Like, the whole thing was just so comical... .

Yes, I have had that kind of experience, and yes, it may look comical. On the other hand, these are not healthy people, and they are in great pain over having lost you on top of everything.

I have uBPD mom and NPD-traits dad, however, I also have a uBPD step-daughter and have been on the receiving end of her NC and been cut off from the grandkids - I can tell you that the pain is unbearable at times, and if I were mentally ill, I might do crazy things too... .

It may be hard for us to see the pain of people that caused us much pain. I suspect that you may be still in much pain over whatever happened to you growing up... .What do you think?