Motivational Thread - Thanks BPDFamily, maybe this will help you heal

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello family 14th November for 2 years ago me and my BPD-ex officially went into a RS. I have not been looking forward to this date, because I was afraid of the pain, this was not exactly how i thought our 2 yr mark would be like...

My story, very short:

She talked about marriage, kids, how i was her soul mate, she couldn't live without me - She told me that every single day till the day she dumped me, cold hearted, and then right after dumping me (and deleting all photos of us / mutual friends)  being in a new RS on Facebook with a guy I have never seen before. I have no idea what her current situation is right now. I havent stalked her. I haven't talked to her (she has ST me since dumping me anyway). I don't care anymore.

This community saved me, and I was here every day

I have read a lot about BPD. I have shared my story, and read similar stories, talked to other people here. I have read a lot. Cried a lot. And for several months, haven't had the "spark" to live, the inner light that makes us WANT TO LIVE AND WANT TO SURVIVE. I have basically walked around feeling empty. I couldn't care less about death, or life, or money issues, or friends or anything. I just felt dead inside.

I followed what someone said here, that it takes 1 week for every month you were in the RS. I would say to heal, it takes different times for everyone so don't get sad if you are past that mark but are not healed. For me tho, the 1 week for 1 month rule was pretty spot on

Now

Im not in any pain anymore. I don't feel dead inside. I feel alive. I dream again, and I get that excited feeling again in my stomach (by thinking of some cute girl, a party I'm going to, climbing tomorrow, etc). I laugh when I see or hear something funny. I am slowly healing. I don't look at my future, my life, and this world as one empty scary place i don't want to be in anymore - I actually want to live again!

I workout 5 days a week. I work 6 days a week, and still, I have time to hang out with friends a couple of times a week. I make the most out of my days, and don't go to bed until my body is so tired i can't walk. I won't do it for ever, but it works very much better than lying in bed all day reading and feeling sorry for myself (even tho that was important at the period I was most damaged, so don't beat yourself up).

I have even had the opportunity to go into a new RS but i felt no spark so i stopped it (in a polite way), and didn't feel one tiny bit of emotional pain or regret. I realised i don't be to be in a RS to be happy, and I shouldn't, before I'm fully happy with myself. Its like I'm immune to pain now. I still feel lonely at times, but I'm no longer afraid I will be single for ever and I'm no longer afraid I can't be happy without my ex.

What you must all know:

I have realised that all this pain was not because I was missing her as I thought at first. How could I miss a person treating me like crap, maybe cheating, dumping me, after I have been given and given my whole life to her for 2 yrs? Maybe I missed who I thought she was, but anyway, I DO NOT MISS HER.

What I missed was feeling happy! And I believed that in order to be happy I needed her. So when she dumped me, and I was feeling empty inside, my emotions told me that I would feel dead for ever since she is gone forever! Like this one person, one terrible person, with a personality disorder and fckedup life, could have the key to my happiness? Reader, if you are in the phase you believe this, its your emotions talking, don't listen to them. Its stupid, one single person do not have that power over you!

I understand what you might be going through

I have read so many very good threads on this forum, that has made perfectly sense, but still haven't taken my pain away. I know its hard ! So i know this thread won't get the pain out of you, but it could be a little piece in your big picture. Workout when you feel ready. Go out when you feel ready. Don't push yourself too much. It takes time. Stop thinking 10 years into the future, and think of making the best out of every day.

Motivational videos that really helped me

I started watching this guy on a YT channel called muscleprodigytv a lot. He posts a motivational video every single day. Some of them are very good!

I will post one of my private playlists, watch it, for your own sake, the first video in the playlist is from the site I was talking about, and was actually what made me believe it was something "bigger" in this world again and started giving me hope to feeling alive again: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2O_wMd7Fovs&list=PLXCXDNfRTH1bwLLhbisd3utJrnVY_dg91&index=1

I would like to end this thread... .

... .by saying thank you to everyone I have talked to these last months. And every story I read that made me believe she has BPD. And every "happy" story i have read about people that have actually managed to heal, it has been very motivational, and i hope some of you can find my story motivational Jammo, Blim, and everyone else (I am bad at names but I remember your posts!): I hope your doing okay guys! This has been a fantastic place for me to be in, in such hard days of my life. Maybe I will return one day, to tell you my crazy ex tries to reconnect .

For now tho, good bye my friends.

Some quotes from the motivation-videos:

- Don't cry to give up, cry to keep going. You are already in pain, you are already hurt. Get a reward from it. 

- ... .and if there is a God, then would the teacher give the answers to the test to the students. If you knew that there was a God would you acted a little differently than you were right now? I bet you you would! why do you think that is? because then you know there is much more to this life.

- You don't start to set out to build a wall... You don't say I am going to be healed or a better person over night. Instead you say I am going to lay this brick as perfectly as a brick can be laid... and you do that every single day... and soon enough, you have a wall.

 I wish you all the best! You are all great persons.

[NorthLight]

Hello family 14th November for 2 years ago me and my BPD-ex officially went into a RS. I have not been looking forward to this date, because I was afraid of the pain, this was not exactly how i thought our 2 yr mark would be like...

My story, very short:

She talked about marriage, kids, how i was her soul mate, she couldn't live without me - She told me that every single day till the day she dumped me, cold hearted, and then right after dumping me (and deleting all photos of us / mutual friends)  being in a new RS on Facebook with a guy I have never seen before. I have no idea what her current situation is right now. I havent stalked her. I haven't talked to her (she has ST me since dumping me anyway). I don't care anymore.

This community saved me, and I was here every day

I have read a lot about BPD. I have shared my story, and read similar stories, talked to other people here. I have read a lot. Cried a lot. And for several months, haven't had the "spark" to live, the inner light that makes us WANT TO LIVE AND WANT TO SURVIVE. I have basically walked around feeling empty. I couldn't care less about death, or life, or money issues, or friends or anything. I just felt dead inside.

I followed what someone said here, that it takes 1 week for every month you were in the RS. I would say to heal, it takes different times for everyone so don't get sad if you are past that mark but are not healed. For me tho, the 1 week for 1 month rule was pretty spot on

Now

Im not in any pain anymore. I don't feel dead inside. I feel alive. I dream again, and I get that excited feeling again in my stomach (by thinking of some cute girl, a party I'm going to, climbing tomorrow, etc). I laugh when I see or hear something funny. I am slowly healing. I don't look at my future, my life, and this world as one empty scary place i don't want to be in anymore - I actually want to live again!

I workout 5 days a week. I work 6 days a week, and still, I have time to hang out with friends a couple of times a week. I make the most out of my days, and don't go to bed until my body is so tired i can't walk. I won't do it for ever, but it works very much better than lying in bed all day reading and feeling sorry for myself (even tho that was important at the period I was most damaged, so don't beat yourself up).

I have even had the opportunity to go into a new RS but i felt no spark so i stopped it (in a polite way), and didn't feel one tiny bit of emotional pain or regret. I realised i don't be to be in a RS to be happy, and I shouldn't, before I'm fully happy with myself. Its like I'm immune to pain now. I still feel lonely at times, but I'm no longer afraid I will be single for ever and I'm no longer afraid I can't be happy without my ex.

What you must all know:

I have realised that all this pain was not because I was missing her as I thought at first. How could I miss a person treating me like crap, maybe cheating, dumping me, after I have been given and given my whole life to her for 2 yrs? Maybe I missed who I thought she was, but anyway, I DO NOT MISS HER.

What I missed was feeling happy! And I believed that in order to be happy I needed her. So when she dumped me, and I was feeling empty inside, my emotions told me that I would feel dead for ever since she is gone forever! Like this one person, one terrible person, with a personality disorder and fckedup life, could have the key to my happiness? Reader, if you are in the phase you believe this, its your emotions talking, don't listen to them. Its stupid, one single person do not have that power over you!

I understand what you might be going through

I have read so many very good threads on this forum, that has made perfectly sense, but still haven't taken my pain away. I know its hard ! So i know this thread won't get the pain out of you, but it could be a little piece in your big picture. Workout when you feel ready. Go out when you feel ready. Don't push yourself too much. It takes time. Stop thinking 10 years into the future, and think of making the best out of every day.

Motivational videos that really helped me

I started watching this guy on a YT channel called muscleprodigytv a lot. He posts a motivational video every single day. Some of them are very good!

I will post one of my private playlists, watch it, for your own sake, the first video in the playlist is from the site I was talking about, and was actually what made me believe it was something "bigger" in this world again and started giving me hope to feeling alive again: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2O_wMd7Fovs&list=PLXCXDNfRTH1bwLLhbisd3utJrnVY_dg91&index=1

I would like to end this thread... .

... .by saying thank you to everyone I have talked to these last months. And every story I read that made me believe she has BPD. And every "happy" story i have read about people that have actually managed to heal, it has been very motivational, and i hope some of you can find my story motivational Jammo, Blim, and everyone else (I am bad at names but I remember your posts!): I hope your doing okay guys! This has been a fantastic place for me to be in, in such hard days of my life. Maybe I will return one day, to tell you my crazy ex tries to reconnect .

For now tho, good bye my friends.

Some quotes from the motivation-videos:

- Don't cry to give up, cry to keep going. You are already in pain, you are already hurt. Get a reward from it. 

- ... .and if there is a God, then would the teacher give the answers to the test to the students. If you knew that there was a God would you acted a little differently than you were right now? I bet you you would! why do you think that is? because then you know there is much more to this life.

- You don't start to set out to build a wall... You don't say I am going to be healed or a better person over night. Instead you say I am going to lay this brick as perfectly as a brick can be laid... and you do that every single day... and soon enough, you have a wall.

 I wish you all the best! You are all great persons.

[Blimblam]

Glad ur feeling better !

[Loveofhislife]

North--thank you so much for sharing. You give us more hope and optimism--and thanks for reminding us that there is so much more out there to enjoy and believe in. Also I agree that I'm not missing exbfBPD--sometimes, I'm not sure what it was that I was missing. The more time passes, the more it all seems so unreal--as if it never even happened. Best to you and God bless, loveofhislife

[NorthLight]

North--thank you so much for sharing. You give us more hope and optimism--and thanks for reminding us that there is so much more out there to enjoy and believe in. Also I agree that I'm not missing exbfBPD--sometimes, I'm not sure what it was that I was missing. The more time passes, the more it all seems so unreal--as if it never even happened. Best to you and God bless, loveofhislife

Time is a great tool and slowly the bad emotions will leave your body (hard to see day by day, but easier to see if u look at it from month to month - Think how you was feeling a few months ago compared to now, and if you are even a little bit less sad now, it means its going the right way). When the emotions stop controlling you, you will finally see that what is it to miss? And that this person was not as important as your emotions makes you believe. And thats when you will move on

It will come, even tho not a lot of people makes a thread about them being healed, think how many members who are no longer posting here - Its because they are all healed , hundreds of members here

I wish you the best of luck in your journey

[Hawk Ridge]

Keeping this to remember the hope.  Thank you

[Caredverymuch]

What I missed was feeling happy! And I believed that in order to be happy I needed her. So when she dumped me, and I was feeling empty inside, my emotions told me that I would feel dead for ever since she is gone forever! Like this one person, one terrible person, with a personality disorder and fckedup life, could have the key to my happiness? Reader, if you are in the phase you believe this, its your emotions talking, don't listen to them. Its stupid, one single person do not have that power over you!

What a beautiful post North and your family here couldn't be more happy for you.  You made to the place that you belong and can feel the good.  So well earned.

You make a fantastic point in saying that you missed feeling happy. No one holds the key to our happiness and thats a strong lesson to learn. I miss the way I felt during the good times w my expBPD as he awoke very much in me that was untouched. Feelings I do want to feel again.  And one day, I may, but it isn't my goal.  Being excited about life again,  smiling, feeling content and thankful and whole and loving my life have all come back to me.  Without any partner.  With self inventory and awareness.  And thats been. my goal. 

Realizing that the difficult times far outweighed those good moments in the BPD r/s is truly something that comes w time and full detachment.  I do not miss my ex either. I understand who he is now and he was never who I though he really was.  I wish him well but I do not miss him.

Everytime my heart would get that deep pain in this detachment process I reminded myself that real love doesn't behave in those intolerable ways. And anyone who really loves you, doesn't just walk away.  Look around at those still by your side.  Thats real

Keep the good journey going North and all the best to you as you walk into the light

[NorthLight]

What I missed was feeling happy! And I believed that in order to be happy I needed her. So when she dumped me, and I was feeling empty inside, my emotions told me that I would feel dead for ever since she is gone forever! Like this one person, one terrible person, with a personality disorder and fckedup life, could have the key to my happiness? Reader, if you are in the phase you believe this, its your emotions talking, don't listen to them. Its stupid, one single person do not have that power over you!

What a beautiful post North and your family here couldn't be more happy for you.  You made to the place that you belong and can feel the good.  So well earned.

You make a fantastic point in saying that you missed feeling happy. No one holds the key to our happiness and thats a strong lesson to learn. I miss the way I felt during the good times w my expBPD as he awoke very much in me that was untouched. Feelings I do want to feel again.  And one day, I may, but it isn't my goal.  Being excited about life again,  smiling, feeling content and thankful and whole and loving my life have all come back to me.  Without any partner.  With self inventory and awareness.  And thats been. my goal. 

Realizing that the difficult times far outweighed those good moments in the BPD r/s is truly something that comes w time and full detachment.  I do not miss my ex either. I understand who he is now and he was never who I though he really was.  I wish him well but I do not miss him.

Everytime my heart would get that deep pain in this detachment process I reminded myself that real love doesn't behave in those intolerable ways. And anyone who really loves you, doesn't just walk away.  Look around at those still by your side.  Thats real

Keep the good journey going North and all the best to you as you walk into the light

it sounds like you have come very far in the healing process too, I'm glad for you ! Very logic post that makes sense, so good you have come to realised those things.

in the darkest period its hard to see what we have that can make us happy, because all we want and crave for is the one thing we can't have (the rs with the pwBPD). When the emotion storm starting to leave our body, we can see more clear like you are doing now and love our surroundings without our ex and look forward in life and not be stuck in the past