Figuring out me.

[SpringInMyStep]

Ooh I just discovered this board! I think I might be ready to pop over here now as I really don’t want to dwell on what my ex did and how weird she was. I’m done with that. It’s established that she’s not the one for me and now I have to focus on moving on.

Argh but it’s scary! I’ve come to realize that my relationship with her was clearly a rebound from my previous divorce. I was figuring out who I was and maybe by being with her, I was trying on a new me without realizing it at the time. Clearly, I didn’t sufficiently heal from the last relationship before getting into a new one.

So I’m trying to figure out who I even am now. After my first divorce, I became a regular at a neighborhood bar but while with my exBPD, stopped going there completely due to her taking up all of the space in my life. I went back after the exBPD moved out and was happy to reconnect with a bunch of people. However, part of figuring out who I am is realizing that I’m more of an introvert than I first thought. I figured out that drinking makes me seem more social, more than I actually am, so lately I’ve made an effort to stop going there and it’s been about 3 weeks.

The thing is, now I don’t go anywhere! I’m developing hobbies and stuff, but find that I need a ton of down time and can go the entire weekend without leaving the house except to take my dog outside. I don’t know if this is a “bad” thing, or a phase, or the new me…I have no idea. All I know is that I love spending time alone.

My job is pretty demanding of my social skills, so it seems reasonable that as an introvert I’d need more recharging time than some people would. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I want to go out for dinner but am afraid I’ll order drinks and then become “fun”. My goal is to be more authentic and not mask my true self by drinking. I know that may sound silly to some people, but I really need to keep a clear head during this process. I have literally befriended people while at the bar, exchanged numbers, promised to hang out, only to never contact them again! A lot of things sound fun when you’re drinking! Ha.

Anyway, sorry for rambling on so much….I also loved that post on the “who should post here” part…I think I’m just entering the “Survivor” phase.

[Pingo]

Well I'm a total introvert but a total social butterfly when drinking!  And I get a lot of attention when out at the bars or at parties (not that I've been to either in a long time).  But alas I cannot seem to drink anymore, I get a really bad reaction.  It's a curse and a blessing.  I now cannot hide behind my alcoholic mask.  But I also am much less likely to be social.  I don't know what the answer is.  Deep down I like one on one conversations.  I'm not really shy anymore (I was painfully shy as a child) but I'm the quiet one who listens intently.  I feel also like I'm at a crossroads. 

[SpringInMyStep]

Pingo I feel the same way! I don't know what to do with myself because everything seems to involve going out and drinking. Which leaves me wondering, maybe this stuff isn't that much fun if we have to drink in order to enjoy it? I mean really, sitting in a bar is kinda boring. I have lots of other things I could be doing at home, but somehow sitting in a bar makes us feel like we're "out and about... .doing things". It's silly.

I don't know the answer either, but I think we should just try and go with the flow and let things evolve.

[Pingo]

I guess that's why I've always found myself in r/ss.  I enjoy my own time but since I am not terribly social it gets lonely.  I'd much prefer a game of scrabble with a friend/bf to a bar full of people any day.  Although when I was young I felt differently and enjoyed the excitement and sexual energy of the bar scene.

[SpringInMyStep]

I guess that's why I've always found myself in r/ss.  I enjoy my own time but since I am not terribly social it gets lonely.  I'd much prefer a game of scrabble with a friend/bf to a bar full of people any day.  Although when I was young I felt differently and enjoyed the excitement and sexual energy of the bar scene.

I hear you... .I much prefer one-on-one interaction rather than a whole crowd of people.