Help required in biggest decision

[ConfuMan]

From what I have read so far, every story and life here has seen a great deal of complications but I am finally onto a situation where my own heart and mind are not working together. Its the biggest decision of my life and hence need your advice/guidance.

I was in a serious relationship with my girlfriend since 2007-2011. While we did have a great loving time during these 4 years, things really got very disturbing by 2011 due to certain behaviors that i dint understand and irritated me. I broke up with her and she moved out to a different city. I loved her too much and couldn't forget her really. so since 2011, we have hardly met. Occasionally spoke on phone mostly when she needed some help.

So almost a year ago, I was introduced to an another girl who seemed good enough to get settled with so even though my heart was confused, i got engaged with her. Recently, while getting my depression treated through a psychologist, i found out that my x-girl friend(2007-2011) was BPD and suddenly alot of what i felt about her got changed. I incidentally got reconnected with her and found her struggling with health, Job, friends , family and everything she had. This somehow broke me up. so I decided to at least persuade her to see a psychologist in her city. She has promised to do that in coming time.

Now here is what I am confused about. There is no doubt that I still love my ex-gf alot more than my fiancee and my relationship with my fiancee is a sort of compromise anyways . The biggest feeling that's troubling me is a concern for my ex-GF life after I am not there to support her. She has no one except me. How can i restart my life with someone else and leave her all by herself while she needs my support. She really loves me too and is ready to do anything to get my back in her life. I am not able to live with this feeling.

The issues with my ex-GF that I faced if i can summarize are:

1. She spoke continuous and never let  me or anyone else ever finish their sentence.

2. She got sensitive and angry about one slipped word in the entire good sounding paragraph sized conversation and then go so out of control that nothing else matters except that one slipped word out of my mouth.

3. Something I shared about her sister to someone she hardly knows can made her so upset and she brings this up even now.

4. she has never really forgiven almost anyone for anything including me. She hates her parents for leaving her to spend her childhood somewhere else.

5. She strangely went to my brother and friends and b___ed about me.

6. She lies and hides things.

7. She really pushed things around.

8. She once had hit me very bad.

9. She also tried to suicide once but I dont think she was really interested in it as she took 20 of tablets of some kind that can not kill a human. it could simply be a attention seeking act.

Good things:

1. I believe she really loves me.

2. She is very cute and shares deep side of her feelings that i never got from my current fiancee ever.

3. She is intelligent and brave.

My psychologist ends this discussion with a very simple line that i am not equipped to deal with a BPD girl so I should leave her as we are already parted long time ago. However, I feel that i can never be happy with anyone having left her alone while she alone can not manage life. People will surely misuse her charm and talent with her state of vulnerability.

So i want to know whats the right thing to do. Are there degree's of BPD where some are easier to deal with. Do they get worse after marriage,age as she is ready to do anything now to get married with me. I also read success stories of some while there were stories where people simply advised to leave as soon as they can.


Can you pls share your opinion. That may help me see things better. I will deeply appreciate it.

--VK

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[itgirl]

Welcome to the board.



This is indeed a very big decision and one you should take your time in making.  Your post kind of has a pro and con list already.  From an outsider point of view your reasons for getting back in your ex life doesn't seem healthy.

This is the staying board so whatever decision you make we are here to support.

[ConfuMan]

Hi

I think i was overwhelmed when i wrote my post.

What i need to understand more about the symptoms that i have listed for my ex. JUst wanted to know if someone else had known a GF or Wife with similar symptoms and which were benefited with treatment/therapies like DBT.

tx

VK